Blew it last night and confronted WS

[ForVirg]

I lost it last night when WS started grumping at me that I wasn't being in a good enough mood for him and how I should be so happy at our wonderful life.

 

Unfortunately, by exposing what I knew, I screwed myself out of getting more info. This morning his Hushmail account is totally cleared out, and no doubt he's gone on to create another one somewhere else. I didn't even know until I checked the keylogger software last night that such a mail site existed! It's truly disgusting the help that is out there for these cheaters.

 

He claims it's all just a big joke, that he and some pals were just having fun by baiting these OW. But I don't know...doesn't it seem weird that if it were just a big joke that ONE particular OW would be ALL OVER his cell phone records? I HAVE managed to nab his last cell bill to keep it for evidence.

 

I feel sick. I nearly threw up when I saw all that last night. I was so holding out hope that this was only a one time thing related to our fight in September, but no...it's been before and well after that.

 

I pointed out to him that if the situation were reversed and I told him it was all just a big joke he wouldn't believe me at all. The evidence doesn't look very good for that at all, does it? And he agreed.

 

Haven't seen him yet this morning, as he was rushing out to do something on the ranch when I got up. I almost got up during the night to check the keylogger and Hushmail account (I didn't figure out the password until this morning, because the damned keylogger I installed doesn't catch all his keystrokes! - he types really, really fast).

 

I'm in such a bad situation here, because I have ZERO money or assets of my own, and we're not married (just living together for years and years...)

 

I don't know what to do. I think I don't believe him at all right now, though there is that part of me that really wants to. It's just the evidence doesn't support what he's saying really well.

 

I am so damned mad that he would throw away what I always thought was a really, really good relationship so easily, and I asked him about that last night and he admitted it looked like an incredibly stupid way to lose me.

 

As mentioned in my extra long diatribe as Guest when I first found out, I also have large animals that mean the world to me that I will need to figure out how to take with me and where to go and how to get the money to do that, etc. etc. I've really gotten myself into one hell of a jam here -- by letting down my guard and trusting him enough to not keep my autonomy. I won't do that again, I know that much.

 

Here's a question: I have contact with his best life-long friend and another friend of his that he respects enormously that has been the cheated-on spouse in the recent past. The best friend supposedly knows about this "joke", the other friend doesn't. Should I contact one or either or both of them for help with figuring out if I can trust him at all or not?

 

I'm so sad to discover that the only man I ever thought incapable of doing something like this isn't the man I thought he was. I'm devastated.

[norajane]

If you've been together for years and years, then you might have a case for common law marriage and be able to get some financial resources out of a settlement - especially since he's been supporting you all this time. It might be worth your while to talk with a lawyer and find out what the laws of your state are and what your rights are. Best to be informed - you may not be as "stuck" as you think.

 

As for getting other people involved, like talking to his friends, that could very well backfire on you. Perhaps you could suggest to your SO that you go to marriage counseling together to help you through this. If he really wants to be with you and make your relationship work, he's going to need to show you that he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep you.

[ForVirg]

If you've been together for years and years, then you might have a case for common law marriage and be able to get some financial resources out of a settlement - especially since he's been supporting you all this time. It might be worth your while to talk with a lawyer and find out what the laws of your state are and what your rights are. Best to be informed - you may not be as "stuck" as you think.

 

As for getting other people involved, like talking to his friends, that could very well backfire on you. Perhaps you could suggest to your SO that you go to marriage counseling together to help you through this. If he really wants to be with you and make your relationship work, he's going to need to show you that he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep you.

 

thanks Norajane. I'm really grateful for these forums, as I think I'd be insane without them. There's been some really level-headed and immensely wise posts on here. Yours is a good reminder. I will look into that (the legal stuff).

 

We did talk this afternoon and he told me he wants to do whatever it takes to make this work and that he realizes that I'm the most important person/thing/anything in his life. I told him that number one is we MUST get both MC and IC. And I also told him to not expect me to trust him again any time in the near future and that he is going to just have to deal with me asking him questions and asking for proof that he's cut off everything.

 

This is so really horrible. It is the absolute worst thing I've dealt with in life to date. He says he can't believe he was so stupid as to risk us, and that he just didn't think about the effect on me...he finally DID fess up that it wasn't just ALL one big joke, and that yes, he had let one contact get too involved, but swears to me there was no contact in person. I see on some other infidelity sites that is often the justification used by the WS, that if it's all "virtual" it's not really cheating. And that's just what he said.

 

To which I replied that it damned well hurts just as bad and that in my book it sure as hell IS cheating. And again, that if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd already be out on my ass, and he knows that all, too. I told him that this has changed everything forever, and he should have thought of that before. This is by far the most stupid thing he's ever done. It's the most stupid thing I've ever known anyone to do. It makes me incredibly sad, because I'll never trust or love him the way I did before this. Stupid stupid stupid.

 

I mean, I've done my share of REALLY stupid things. But this really just beats all.

[Cinnesyn]

This sounds so familiar!

 

One thing I'm finding is that since I am having problems trusting him again, the relationship isn't like it was for me. All I can think of is that it'll happen again even though he assures me it never will. I can't believe him because he has lied about a lot of things and he was caught.

 

I check my keylogger all the time, hoping to find a concrete reason to kick his butt out of my house.

 

It's only a matter of time for us because I don't want to have sex with him because of what he did. I don't even want to be in the same room he's in. I don't respect him any longer and I feel like I'm worthless around him.

 

I don't want to buy him a Christmas gift. And I haven't yet. If I get anything, it'll be crap.

 

I have a medical thing coming up on 12/28. IF he asks for that day off from work to go with me, then MAYBE he does love me. If he doesn't ask for the day off, we're done.

[ForVirg]

This sounds so familiar!

 

One thing I'm finding is that since I am having problems trusting him again, the relationship isn't like it was for me. All I can think of is that it'll happen again even though he assures me it never will. I can't believe him because he has lied about a lot of things and he was caught.

 

I check my keylogger all the time, hoping to find a concrete reason to kick his butt out of my house.

 

It's only a matter of time for us because I don't want to have sex with him because of what he did. I don't even want to be in the same room he's in. I don't respect him any longer and I feel like I'm worthless around him.

 

I don't want to buy him a Christmas gift. And I haven't yet. If I get anything, it'll be crap.

 

I have a medical thing coming up on 12/28. IF he asks for that day off from work to go with me, then MAYBE he does love me. If he doesn't ask for the day off, we're done.

 

I know just how you feel Cinnesyn, and we nearly had a fight last night when I tried to tell him that it's never going to be the same again for me because he was the first man I'd ever EVER trusted that thoroughly and ironically, the only man who betrayed my trust so deviously! Trust is not going to come easy again. Hopefully some day he'll earn it again, but I tried to explain to him just that -- he now has to EARN it and it's going to be work for him.

 

I got the anger response that I had read about here. The "well I'm not going to be lorded over the rest of my life." to which I replied that it's only day number 3!! My wounds are still very, very raw, for heaven's sake. And as I pointed out to him - *I* am not the one who strayed.

 

He swears he never met the OW in person. But there's a part of me that is still so unsure, because I truly believe he only owned up because I had so much evidence. And I did NOT have evidence of any physical meeting. That's so incredibly sad to me. And so we talked last night about how we have to do two things:

 

1. we need to get into couples counseling ASAP - but have you ever tried to find an opening at a counselor the week of Xmas - especially when you live in the middle of nowhere? and

 

2. We have to make some changes in how we deal with each other, but then this morning the first thing he did was go get on his computer...so here I am on mine waiting for keylogger reports and holding my breath in fear.

 

I hate this SO much. And while I *think* I want to make mine work, it's really hard right now not to succumb to the anger.

 

Cinnesyn - do you think there's anything to salvage? Did you have a worthwhile relationship (at least you thought so) before DDay?

 

I'll say it again - this forum is a life saver for me right now.

[Romeo Must Die]

HaHa Funny joke. Who knew he was a comedian on the side?

 

Don't worry ForGiv. If there was a list of rules a BW should never break, I have broken every one of them and more! It's kinda hard not to. I always was up front with my WS. They are supposed to be the ones we go to when we need them most. Just don't expect the same thing in return.

 

And don't enlist his friends (mutual friends) or his family. You'd be suprised how much they want to help the bad guy.

 

The key to any good investigation is patience and perserverance. MM who cheat and have affairs are like stupid criminals, theres always a trace. We can help you find it.

 

Did you tell him about the keylogger? Don't be too up front exactly how you find out about things. Just say, "Oh, you know. A little bird told me" or "I'm just psychic that way" and just leave it a mystery to him. A good magician never reveals her tricks.

 

I am a big fan of digital tape recorders. It's like being able to make yourself invisible so you can hear conversations you wouldn't otherwise be privy to. They can be hidden in discreet locations (cars, workshops, etc) and they have a voice activated feature so it saves you a lot time and effort. If he isn't talking to the other woman you may overhear him talking to his buddies and he'll never suspect a thing.

 

[ForVirg]

Thanks Romeo. Yeah, I'd read about the voice activated recorders and I'm off to get one today. Unfortunately I did say something about the keylogger, but I think he thinks I only did a one time thing,which is why I put a different (better and more expensive and stealthy) one on yesterday.

[Romeo Must Die]

Good deal.

 

When I was investigating the OW after she vandalized my deceased sons memorial, I found a half written letter in her trash (on garbage day) written to human services to try to get my kids taken away from me for spite. OMFG was I mad. I was expecting to find something about the grafitti, but nothing prepared me for this new revelation.

 

A week later, a similar "annonymous" letter - which was hand written, word for word and on the same notebook paper had hit the desk at human services. "I'm writing to complain about a neighbor who yells at her kids..."

 

Too late for her because I already talked to the police and my pastor about the letter I had found. The chief of police had the garbage copy in his files and it was time stamped before the actual letter was received by HS.

 

I was just waiting to see what would happen next. When my WS finally found out about it, he balked when I told him that his OW wrote it. He was arrogant and he said, "Oh yeah? How do you know she wrote it?" and I smiled mischiviously and said, "because I took it out of her garbage can, you idiot." and he knew right then he had been beaten by the best.

 

Ha Ha HA motherfu*cker. HAHAHAHA!!!

 

[Cinnesyn]

I was engaged to my guy and he was pushing to get married sometime this month. Everything was going great until I decided to have his "friend" from Pogo secretly meet us for a birthday lunch. Later after the lunch and we were at home, my guy told me she sent him her picture (he thought he had told me before). This was news to me and I hit the roof! The next day he emailed her and begged her not to tell me about the phone calls or web cam sessions between them. He doesn't know I have a keylogger installed on his computer.

 

I knew something wasn't quite right about his fascination with pogo and his all women friends list but thought maybe he was right when he said I was too insecure and that it's "just friends". I just know I wouldn't have an all male friends list and the idea of needing to chat with people of the opposite sex wasn't sitting well with me so I bugged his computer. I'm damn glad I did and will never tell him.

 

As for the medical thing, I just called him at work to ask if the new schedule was put up yet. He said his boss would work on it tonight. He then asked if I wanted him to come with me and if so, he'd ask his boss for the day off. Well, I have a calendar on the fridge with the date clearly marked so I'm guessing if I hadn't called to ask about the schedule, he wouldn't have gotten the day off.

 

This morning, he was reading articles on how to spice up your love life. We've only been together 2 years. If he's this bored now, how are we ever going to last the rest of our lives? I'm not bored at all so I know it's him.

 

I'd like to kick him out but he won't leave. His unmarried sister with an empty 3 bedroom house lives in the next town west but he says he has nowhere else to go. Sure, nowhere else where he can sponge off ME, use my phone to talk to other women, and work at a crappy job and get all his bills paid for BY ME... I am such a sucker. Not anymore!

 

Yes, there is anger. Big time... I type it here so I don't blow up at him. He thinks things are A-OK now. I'm just getting all my ducks in a row before I drop the bomb on him.

[Romeo Must Die]

 

Yes, there is anger. Big time... I type it here so I don't blow up at him. He thinks things are A-OK now. I'm just getting all my ducks in a row before I drop the bomb on him.

 

Right on Cyn

[che_jesse]

Hire a PI firm. I'm serious, your gonna keep going in this cycle of you finding more evidence, confronting him with it, and him coming up with a way to excuse it away and telling you much he loves your for a very long time if you dont.

 

You need to know for sure, pay some talented people to find out beyond a shadow of a doubt and then make your decision.

[ForVirg]

Hire a PI firm. I'm serious, your gonna keep going in this cycle of you finding more evidence, confronting him with it, and him coming up with a way to excuse it away and telling you much he loves your for a very long time if you dont.

 

You need to know for sure, pay some talented people to find out beyond a shadow of a doubt and then make your decision.

 

Yeah, sadly and very unfortunately I know you're right Che_jesse. Unfortunately, this morning I made yet ANOTHER discovery...this one another woman from that same stupid hornymatches site that they had obviously planned to meet TODAY when he was supposedly taking one of our cars to Dallas for service. He CLAIMS that would have been the first in person meeting and that "I wasn't really going to go through with it." Uh-huh. yeah.

 

I told him that if there's one more thing he's not telling me, I'm out of here without even talking to him about it that time. He cried and apologized and blah blah blah.

 

And the worst of it is like I said before...I've been on both sides of this situation before but this man, the one I thought most INcapable of such deceit, has turned out to be the most deceitful of all. It's so freaking sad I can hardly keep my legs moving one in front of the other today. I can't even go visit my horses, and they are my life right now. I just don't have the energy.

 

This is the worst nightmare of my life. And I've had some nightmares.

 

Oddly, I suddenly realize that aside from physical exhaustion, I feel stronger inside than I thought I would. I know that I WILL leave. And I would not have thought that I could do that even a few months ago.

[Romeo Must Die]

Taking the car to Dallas for service is probably true, but it's all the other things that they CANT seem to admit out loud to us (and everything else in between) that really bothers me the most.

 

[Cinnesyn]

When I first discovered my fiance was playing around online, I freaked out but my boss (wonderful woman that she is!) made me see that even though emotionally I needed him out of my house that day, the SMARTER thing to do is to PLAN everything needed to be done to make the changes better for ME, such as:

• separate the money in joint bank accounts and keep it separate so he can't clean out our bank account (I'm the "breadwinner")

• have him pay me back for money "borrowed"

• have him fix little household things that I couldn't fix on my own (he always said he'd get around to it...)

• get his ring (that I paid for) back with the excuse of having it cleaned

I also kept gathering dirt on what he was doing online from my keylogger. I created a file in Excel and saved it with a password and kept track of the "ducks" I needed to set up, the "ducks" completed, and vented all my emotions in there too. OK, so it sounds weird, but actually, it kept me from kicking him out BEFORE he paid off my credit card debt that was HIS from when I supported him while he was unemployed. I also started a list in my little spreadsheet of the reasons why I need to dump him and move on. If I didn't do this, I'd forgive him everytime he cheated on me because I'm stupid in love.

 

All I know is that IF I would have not gotten my ducks in a row, he'd be out of my house and I'd be sitting with $12K in credit card debt that was in my name but I wouldn't have anything to show for it.

 

I'm still setting up ducks. I have the ring back. I'm working on making sure no new credit card debt is being made (I cancelled the card he has that I'm the primary cardmember.) I'm just protecting myself the best I know how.

 

I feel like I'm in control of this situation. It makes me feel better to get my ducks in a row than just being a cheated on stupid in love fool getting screwed over. I'm not taking advantage of him either.

 

I think when I finally do drop the bomb on him, I'll print out what the keylogger shows, and tape them to a picture album and wrap up the picture album as a gift. Won't he be surprised when he opens it and sees it? LOL

 

OK, enough of the craziness ... Just protect yourself and plan it before you do it.

[LakesideDream]

Ladies, ladies! It's past time to leave! All the drama you folks are participating in is just more negetive engery piled on the old.

 

I can't imagine the hour by hour grief you are suffering/creating. Kick the crumbdud to the curb and be done with it!

[Romeo Must Die]

It's just like this. We want to know the truth and WTF they have been up to all this time, playing Mr. Nasty with hoes or what. I want to know WTF kind of drugs they are on in thir little private world. I wanna know where I was when he did it. I want to know what a fruitcake he thought he was going to leave me for. I wanna know everything. I know more about xOW than I do about my best friends (ie exact birthdate, criminal history lol)

 

And oh, BTW, I also got some embarassing bar pictures of the xOW from her 39th birthday party (cigarette in one hand, beer can in the other - go shorty it's ya bday!), and I also got three pages that were torn out of her diary. LOL. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with them, but they sure are funny.

 

[ohmy3]

wow......... i just happen to find this site this AM after doing searches for cheaters and what to look for and after reading your blog (me having kids & horses) just leaving my home isn't the 1st thing i would do/will do as well i am self employed but far from the bread winner and i am wondering about some crap my hubbys' been doing very diffrent as well BUT i am keeping track and LIKE making a LIST and checking it twice LOL......... but i may love my husband more than anything in my life but no way in gods green earth if he sticking his willy where willy don't belong he will be paying and i willn't leave the home as i two have no where i can run to w/ 3 horses and 2 young kids, so my point of view being if he's messing where he shouldn't be and you can keep quite long enough to get proof and your state allows for 50 / 50 laws as alot do you likely can get some $ by fource of sale of property , assests if any, even 401 K whatever he has if your state has the common law marrigae? you should be set and if it dose and you have no $ to higher a att. muster up some tears and get on the phone to every family law att. in your county you likely will find 1 that will lissen even 1/2 and set you up and a payment plan and likely a court will have him to cover some of your cost---- i have only been married 1 time and still am but i have been doing my homework on my options if it comes to be what i hope it is not! good luck !

[daphne]

I think Cin's doing the smart thing. I knew of a woman who did something similarly. She found out her husband was having an affair with a woman for a year and a half while he was down in Florida taking care of his sick mother. She was smart and bided her time until they had been married for a certain number of years which entitled her to half his pension. It only took a year of faking it and since he was never at home, it wasn't too hard. Then she dumped him cold.

[Cinnesyn]

It's hard to keep living with someone who apparently doesn't want you the same way you want them. That eats away at what little self-esteem I do have. I comfort myself in knowing that the bomb is coming for him and I will be OK. I won't be in debt and taken advantage of. I'll be better off when I do kick him to the curb.

 

It's especially hard having to buy him Christmas presents. I do love him but I just can't believe what he did to me and all the lies he told. I'm glad I know what I do know and am not wasting tons of money on him as opposed to being in the dark and blowing my entire holiday bonus on him. That was put in MY separate account and I never told him the exact amount I got.

 

I just got my BS in Accounting and he did NOTHING, not even a lousy e-card. My boss gave me a cake and a $500 bonus, plus paid my tuition before I even got my grades. She's done wonders for my low self-esteem. Too bad she's a woman...

 

I keep monitoring his internet usage daily and while he hasn't been chatting with all his little "friends", I still get ticked off when I see he's been reading articles on how to spice up your relationship. Good grief! We've only been together 2.5 years and he's already bored with me. I know that if we were to get married, he'd cheat just because he's bored. And... just so everyone knows, I'm not boring in the bedroom. He's just not interested in ME as a person. He's not attracted to ME, he's attracted to my earning potential. I think he thinks after I get a really good job that I'm going to let him quit his job and stay at home. HA! Well, I might have if I didn't have my eyes open.

 

I did have another thought about the reasons behind his being bored. In his past, he was a crack user. I haven't had much experience with people like this and wonder if THAT is the reason he's bored with me. The "high" is gone, we're comfortable with each other and to him, it's boring. Can anyone tell me if MAYBE that could be part of the reason he's bored? Does anyone have experience with living with a former crack user?

[Romeo Must Die]

My only experience with tweakers is when my best friend (since the 9th grade) came back from California a messed up person. The lowest point was getting into an arguement that ended with her for leaving Christmas Eve with a man she didn't know to get more speed. I can't stand here and watch you whore yourself out to get speed. I tried to keep her from leaving (without hitting her) but she just kept punching me to break away. I just let her go. "Oh well, see ya. Adios, puta."

 

[Seen_It_All]

I think he thinks after I get a really good job that I'm going to let him quit his job and stay at home.

 

Oh my God, Cinnesyn - what a L-O-S-E-R.

 

I did have another thought about the reasons behind his being bored.

 

To be quite honest, when I first read in your post that he'd been looking at articles to 'spice up' relationships, I didn't think for one second he was looking to improve his relationship with you. I got the distinct impression he was looking for ways to do cute, impulsive and romantic little things for his Pogo girlie friends, to endear himself to them. If he's strictly using you as a meal ticket (again, I repeat - LOSER) then he's probably not looking to spice up anything with you. He doesn't seem the type to CARE enough.

 

I can't wait until you put this parasite out to the curb when he least expects it. I have zero respect for losers like this guy.

[Cinnesyn]

Yes, a real loser, but I do love him. Guess that makes me a loser too? LOL

 

We had our Christmas last night. This is what I got from him:

 

a lint brush (OMG, No Sh*t!!!)

a flashlight/cell phone charger battery thing

a compass for my car (not a GOOD one either)

 

That was it.

 

I had written a list of little things a few weeks ago that included 15 or so little things that I'd like, like something from Bath & Body Works... books I'd like... I guess he chose the non-personal route for some reason.

 

I'm disappointed but not surprised.

 

He *loved* the gifts from me:

 

2 sweat shirts and a pair of sweat pants (very nice material)

John Wayne DVD's (he loves John Wayne)

a pillow so he can sit up & watch TV in bed (his favorite gift)

a TV tray for eating in bed (his 2nd favorite gift)

an Iron Maiden coffee mug (his favorite group & he collects their mugs)

an Iron Maiden fan club membership (he was thrilled to death about that)

an optical mouse (his old mouse had a ball that always got dirty)

a tiger mouse pad (favorite animal)

a Chicago Bears pillow to use in conjunction with his pillow to watch TV

 

I didn't spend a lot but every gift was very personal and chosen with care with him in mind. He wanted a Bears winter coat but there was no way in hell I was going to spend that kind of money on him. Now that I know what my gifts were, thank god I didn't buy him that coat!

 

So I have my answer about his feelings about me. I guess I was hoping I was wrong but it just strengthens my resolve to kick him to the curb and get on with my life.

 

On a side note, my brother in law was diagnosed with lung cancer in March and we found out last night that they don't expect him to see Christmas. He's only 42 years old, father of 3 children, and my sister's love of her life. I caught myself wishing it was my guy dying in a hospital instead of hers.

[Cinnesyn]

My brother in law ended up passing away last night around 8 PM. His family had gone to church and had a message from the hospital on the answering machine when they got home for my sister to get to the hospital ASAP.

 

One thing I will say about my brother in law is that he NEVER ever would cheat on my sister, no matter what. My bro in law wasn't the greatest guy ever but he truly loved my sister and he felt it was wrong to even chat with another woman online.

 

There were times I just hated my bro in law for being a hard-ass with his kids or my sister but at least he had the right idea about what being faithful meant.

[lasan]

I'm sorry for your loss Cin.

[ForVirg]

Hey Cinnesyn:

 

I, too, am sorry to hear the news of your b-i-l's passing. I can't imagine going through what all of us here are, and then having that on top of it.

 

Your Christmas presents story was also so sad.

 

You know, something I learned from some therapist many, many years ago was that there are really truly VERY few people in this world that do NOT deserve good treatment. So though I don't know you, my guess would certainly be that you DO deserve GOOD treatment and to be with someone that thinks about you and cares for you.

 

My WS and I had our usual daily talk yesterday, and he said something that reminded me of another thing I learned in therapy eons ago. Actually, ironically, it wasn't in therapy that I learned this...though that's what i told him. It was a guy I was seeing that was a cheater through and through (but I knew that with that guy so was not surprised one iota when he cheated). But that guy told me that he thought my problem in relationships was that I didn't "internalize" the other person, so that when we weren't physically together it was as if that person wasn't "there" at all for me.

 

I talked with my therapist of the time about that and we decided that certainly was part of my problem. So I told my current WS that I think he has that problem, too. I suggested he think of me and our life as a "picture in picture" superimposed on the "tv image" of daily life so that even when I'm not physically there, I AM "there."

 

It actually hurt me to realize that he wasn't already doing that.

 

This morning when we were out with our donkeys (who I love even more than our horses), he said he feels really, really close to all of us here at our home right now (meaning me and the horses and donkeys and our dog). I just said "picture in picture."

 

Funny thing is, I always thought he was the more "together" of the two of us. It's weird to realize that I was and have been all along.

 

But back to Cinnesyn...not to cast doubt on your b-i-l, because I'm sure you're correct about him, but I would have thought my WS would have had the same thoughts about cheating. In fact, he always spoke like that in the past. Something went really amiss in his head, that he was able to compartmentalize this and rationalize what he was doing as "nothing that could hurt" me and as "not cheating." OR, he was just always paying lip service to that stuff.

 

I hope beyond hope that it's just that something went amiss, as he says, because we'll be able to work past that. If he's just been faking it all along, well...

 

And there's one of the most damaging aspects of A's - that it leaves the BS wondering what is truth. That kind of breach of trust is SO deeply damaging. I'm not sure my WS has fully appreciated just HOW deeply he ruined trust between us. (yet, I hope). We'll be starting MC in a couple weeks.

 

On the good news side, there have been ZERO discoveries for me for almost a week now. Whew. But there is that little doubting voice in the back of my head that wonders if that's only because he's gotten wise to me and is hiding things better. So friggin sad.