serial cheater

[Harpercapi]

Background: I have been married to my husband for 16 years, we have three kids under age 12. He is a police officer, I am a mom and work part time from home. He had his first affair during our seventh year of marriage with his former girlfriend, while I was pregnant. The second affair happened two years ago with a coworker. We went to MC both times. The second time in MC was much more benificial. I thought we had moved on and were doing well. It had been two years since the affair and things were much better at home.

 

Recently: In July this year I found that he had a secret e-mail account and had registered on several dating websites. He was recieving e-mail but not responding to them and not dating. Then he altogether stopped opening the e-mail and was just dumping them in the trash bin unopened. Again, I thought he had realized that it was wrong and stopped doing it. I did not talk to him, just monitered the e-mail account.

 

Currently: He just registered as an unmarried person on a new dating site. Filled out a detailed profile about what he wants, dating, no strings, no long term commitments, and his schedule is unperdictable so he may have to break plans and wont be avalible all the time.

 

I have had it. I fought for him each step of the way until now. I am Christian and will have a hard time with divorce. I think it is very bad for kids but can't take his lies and infidelity any longer. I don't think he will ever stop. I wanted so badly to hold this family together for my kids sake. I just don't see that it could ever work out. Can a serial cheeter be reformed? Do I just stop sleeping with him and become roommates that raise our kids? I am fearfull he will or has expose(d) me to some STD. What the heck do I do next? The kids are in school, they have their friends and I would have to move an hour away and put them in a different school. There is just so much to think about, it is overwhelming.

[tinktronik]

Haven't you already tried to reform him .MC 2x ? Come on , he does not care if you leave or catch him or get hurt .Hes just kept it on doing whatever pleases him and dragging you and his kids through his selfishness . Do you have daughters? If you do your setting the example that they should put up with the same kind of crap in their marriages. What an unhappy life. Do you have sons? Well they now have the expectation that husbands cheat over and over and wives try to fix things and keep their marriages together. You husbands chances of changing are very very slim .Move on , have you not wasted enough of your own time already?

[Guest]

i had an ex that would make up fake profiles of me!

 

man, i wonder how many opportunities i missed to get laid!

 

lol

 

actually to be perfect honest folks, i have tried the online dating game twice now over a few years...and i do believe i will not be returning to that route again....just owning a computer is a risk in of itself

 

i think dating online is ok when you are a teenager because there's a lots more flexiblity when you like playing the field anyways...i think everyone goes thru a phase where the internet seems like so much fun - but it only takes a few bad experiences to get off that buzz fast

 

speaking of computers, anyone returned things yet and taken off the cloak and daggers?

[jmargel]

Serial cheating is like being an alcoholic. Unless he becomes honest with himself and take responsibility for his actions, nothing will change. Something like this needs to be dealt in IC (Individual Counseling) on his part.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over expecting different results. In every relationship there is a point in time where you say 'enough is enough'. Each person has a different breaking point. I believe you have reached yours. Often (IMO) people such as your husband suffers from immaturity which is really scary since he's police officer.

 

You have become the parent, and him the child. In order for a marriage to work you need to knock a notch down & him a notch up to 'adult'. This can't happen until he starts fixing himself.

 

IMO it's not best to stay with someone like this just for the sake of the children. This just teaches them that lying, cheating, dishonesty is ok. There is a greater chance of them learning his traits by you staying with him. It's also time for you to start asking yourself 'What are you getting out of this marriage?'. By you having to play detective and watching his moves, isn't that kinda like a mother watching over her child?

 

The foundation of your marriage has been basically destroyed. However this is *not* your fault. This is something within' him that you cannot fix, nor could anyone else besides himself & a counselor. By you leaving doesn't mean you don't love him since (IMO) unconditional love is still a 'just' love. A love that has to follow certain rules that both partners put before each other.

 

I believe it's time for you to start making yourself happy. You owe this to yourself and your children. There comes a time in situations like this to let go and it's ok to do that.

 

PS. For STD's please get yourself checked by your doctor. All it takes is a simple blood test.

[outofdarkness]

Background: I have been married to my husband for 16 years, we have three kids under age 12. He is a police officer, I am a mom and work part time from home. He had his first affair during our seventh year of marriage with his former girlfriend, while I was pregnant. The second affair happened two years ago with a coworker. We went to MC both times. The second time in MC was much more benificial. I thought we had moved on and were doing well. It had been two years since the affair and things were much better at home.

 

Recently: In July this year I found that he had a secret e-mail account and had registered on several dating websites. He was recieving e-mail but not responding to them and not dating. Then he altogether stopped opening the e-mail and was just dumping them in the trash bin unopened. Again, I thought he had realized that it was wrong and stopped doing it. I did not talk to him, just monitered the e-mail account.

 

Currently: He just registered as an unmarried person on a new dating site. Filled out a detailed profile about what he wants, dating, no strings, no long term commitments, and his schedule is unperdictable so he may have to break plans and wont be avalible all the time.

 

I have had it. I fought for him each step of the way until now. I am Christian and will have a hard time with divorce. I think it is very bad for kids but can't take his lies and infidelity any longer. I don't think he will ever stop. I wanted so badly to hold this family together for my kids sake. I just don't see that it could ever work out. Can a serial cheeter be reformed? Do I just stop sleeping with him and become roommates that raise our kids? I am fearfull he will or has expose(d) me to some STD. What the heck do I do next? The kids are in school, they have their friends and I would have to move an hour away and put them in a different school. There is just so much to think about, it is overwhelming.

Serial cheating is called something else as well...Sex addiction. My H is one and yes, they can be helped, but it's like any addiction, they are always RECOVERING..There are meetings for them just like for alcoholics...YOU can't change him, unfortunately, he has to admit he has a problem and is powerless over it...THAT is the first step, then he has to actually seek help on his own..The ball is in his court...If he runs away with it and does not seek help, there is nothing you can do but move on.. If he holds on to it and admits he has a problem and seeks help, you can choose to stick with him. I did, but I will tell you that it is rough going. There are "slips" just as in any addiction and there are plenty that will tell you that it is not a real addiction. It doesn't matter to YOU whether or not his cheating is due to an addiction, it hurts just as much and is just as destructive to you and your marriage and family. As the other poster said, please get tested for STD right away! You could be endangering your life and your kids! addicts aren't careful, as they just want their next fix..and as we all know addicts are very self centered...I wish you luck and keep coming back to this forum, and mabey get yourself into Indiv. c?

[THX2000]

Background: I have been married to my husband for 16 years, we have three kids under age 12. He is a police officer, I am a mom and work part time from home. He had his first affair during our seventh year of marriage with his former girlfriend, while I was pregnant. The second affair happened two years ago with a coworker. We went to MC both times. The second time in MC was much more benificial. I thought we had moved on and were doing well. It had been two years since the affair and things were much better at home.

 

Recently: In July this year I found that he had a secret e-mail account and had registered on several dating websites. He was recieving e-mail but not responding to them and not dating. Then he altogether stopped opening the e-mail and was just dumping them in the trash bin unopened. Again, I thought he had realized that it was wrong and stopped doing it. I did not talk to him, just monitered the e-mail account.

 

Currently: He just registered as an unmarried person on a new dating site. Filled out a detailed profile about what he wants, dating, no strings, no long term commitments, and his schedule is unperdictable so he may have to break plans and wont be avalible all the time.

 

I have had it. I fought for him each step of the way until now. I am Christian and will have a hard time with divorce. I think it is very bad for kids but can't take his lies and infidelity any longer. I don't think he will ever stop. I wanted so badly to hold this family together for my kids sake. I just don't see that it could ever work out. Can a serial cheeter be reformed? Do I just stop sleeping with him and become roommates that raise our kids? I am fearfull he will or has expose(d) me to some STD. What the heck do I do next? The kids are in school, they have their friends and I would have to move an hour away and put them in a different school. There is just so much to think about, it is overwhelming.

 

 

You have to do what's best for you and your kids. It's a sad statement about the people that are "policing" our communities that A LOT of cops do this kind of crap.

[Romeo Must Die]

Cops are so corrupt. They think they're above the law, even moral laws because they are the law.