Mochablkberry Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Found a pack of condoms in his car. The packet was opened and one was used. I confronted him about it; he gives me this shock look on his face. He says they don't belong to him, they belong to his son. His son borrowed the car and probably forgot them their. Why don't I believe him? Another thing I'm smelling all kinds of strange perfume scents on the seatbelt. By that I mean, when I get in and buckle up I smell scents different to what I wear. The answer I get; typically all the time is; "I'm paranoid". Something is wrong with me, my thinking is too low. Am I really paranoid or is he playing the field. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 How old is his son? Why not just tell him that you found condoms in the car, and that one was opened. See how he reacts...If he says they're not his, then ask your husband (or is he your boyfriend?) about this again. Listen to your gut, if it's telling you something is wrong, chances are, something IS wrong. How is your relationship in general? Were you suspicious before finding the condoms? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 No one on here can tell you for sure, but it sure does sound fishy. How about some more information, like WWIU asked. Boyfriend or husband? Please give us more info on the state of your relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
tenacious Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Sorry I aint buying it. The man is fooling around. If they were really his sons as he purports them to be..why would he looked shocked when you brought it up? a normal reaction (although we all act differently I know) would have been to laugh and make some kinda joke. Dotcha think? Nah..I smell a a rat! Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 It's always a bad sign when you ask a reasonable question and your "partner" calls you paranoid. Honest, faithful people don't typically lash out with that accusation as a first response. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I agree with the others. A joke or other light comment would be normal about his son's sex life. Or maybe a need to have the car cleaned or whatever. But not just blow it off like he did. And like solemate said, calling you paranoid sounds defensive. Why would he feel defensive unless he's been up to something? I think WWIU has a point...trust your gut. If you feel something's not right, it probably isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Mochablkberry, First and foremost, don't discuss this issue with him anymore. Talk to his son about it, and make sure you get all necessary details. He seems to be flaking. Gather as much evidence and information before you make any final conclusions. If you keep tugging at him, making accusations, the relationship is likely to go down south -hurting him and you in the process. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Dayzie Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 First of all, all I can say is trust your gut feeling, women have a great sense of intuition. Secondly, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 It's always a bad sign when you ask a reasonable question and your "partner" calls you paranoid. Honest, faithful people don't typically lash out with that accusation as a first response. I agree, a heavy defense usually is the sign of lying or deception. Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 "I swear to god, that is NOT my pot...I was holding it for a friend!" J/K Not to make light of your situation here, but the 'best offense is a good defense' seems to come true more often than not. Check with the boy (unless he's under 6), and go from there. Hopefully, dad didn't 'tip him off' first! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I don't think that I would be worried quite yet unless his son doesn't fess up to it. If his son says that its not his then you could always follow or have someone else follow your husband for a while and see if hes cheating. Only you know your husband and can tell when hes lying so the fact that you posted something about it here says enough for me. Seems like he would have made a joke about it or something like others have said. But like I said just wait and see what his son says. Link to post Share on other sites
gracey Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 My first thoughts are thank the good lord he's using condoms. If the two of you are dating I'd rethink your relationship. If you don't trust him find someone you can you'll be a happier person. If your married drop the subject. Find a good P.I and get to the bottom of it. It's worth the money to find out. He can't deny being caught red handed. I have always wished I had more proof. Plus it helps to prevent him from hurting your relationship anymore by lying to your face. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Found a pack of condoms in his car. The packet was opened and one was used. I confronted him about it; he gives me this shock look on his face. He says they don't belong to him, they belong to his son. His son borrowed the car and probably forgot them their. Why don't I believe him? Another thing I'm smelling all kinds of strange perfume scents on the seatbelt. By that I mean, when I get in and buckle up I smell scents different to what I wear. The answer I get; typically all the time is; "I'm paranoid". Something is wrong with me, my thinking is too low. Am I really paranoid or is he playing the field. he's cheating...sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Am I really paranoid or is he playing the field. Many women have been in your very situation. I can't tell you how many (myself included) have heard the condom excuses. He's cheating. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Cheshire Cat Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Sorry, it really sounds like he is fooling around. I like the idea of asking your SO's son but I guess that either you do not have a close enough relationship with him to ask such a question or he'd cover his father's ass in case the condoms weren't his. If you feel like you can ask the boy and decide to do so, ask him when he borrowed his dad's car, what brand the condoms were and how many condoms were missing (a single condom is missing and most people will remember whether they had to buy(or just open) a new pack of condoms last time they had sex!) and see if that is compatible with the information you have. Keep your eyes very open, and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 He's picking up prostitutes Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 The same thing happened to me a couple of times. My daughter, when she was 2 or something tore open a packet of condoms we had under the bathroom sink. We never used them because we hated them, so they used to be unopened except for that packet. She was suspicious, but there was no reason. Then one day she found a bra (not hers) wedged between the guest bed and the wall. She was bat**** insane with rage and I was being called every name in the book for 2 weeks until we realized that her friend had stayed with us for a week a few months before and she had been sleeping in that bed. Wife called the friend and it turns out it was indeed her bra. So the point I'm making is that there well may be a logical explanation here that doesn't involve cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mochablkberry Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks to all of you who posted.. I read all comments and tried to put them into perspective. First of all he's my b/f of about 10 years I'd say. In that period I must say we had some rough patches. I'm in no way trying to put him down, or make it look as though he's a bad person but I'm saying we had some issues a few years ago and still having issues. The one with the condoms, the irony about it is.. It happened a few years ago and the excuse was always they belong to my son. But eventually it did came out that the condoms were his, he was cheating. So now I strongly believe that they are his... No doubts in my mind. Both his sons have their own vehicle, no need to borrrow his. That is always the excuse... Next thing he does that I have a problem with is meeting women, seriously flirting with them. Giving them all his numbers to reach him at, cell, work. When these women call sometimes they hang up in my ears, they boldly ask for him. When I talk about the issue I hear, that these women are crazy, he didn't expect that they would call. He was only making sport and they took him seriously. Now I would think from the time you give a woman all access to you it's giving her some kind of right to call at whatever time she chooses. It's like saying I'm available, it's no problem. No regard for when I answer the phone.... Why give a woman all access to you if you're not interested? When I bring up these issues, I hear that I'm paranoid, I allow myself to think to low. I don't trust him. Furthermore if I start talking to a male he cusses me and calls me worthless, how is it that it's fine for you to flirt and if I do the same I'm a bitch. Many nights he would go out and when I call his cell,he wouldn't answer me. I would often get excuses like I left it in the car, I didn't hear. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt but so far the doubt is over powering. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 He is abusive. Leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I'm at a loss as to understand why you are still with him? IMO - He's cheating now, he cheated before, and he'll continue to do it. Leave him and find someone who cherishes you! Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Then one day she found a bra (not hers) wedged between the guest bed and the wall. She was bat**** insane with rage and I was being called every name in the book for 2 weeks until we realized that her friend had stayed with us for a week a few months before and she had been sleeping in that bed. Wife called the friend and it turns out it was indeed her bra. Scrivdog common, you did bang the friend, huh? J/K.... But yeah this guy's son more than likely used his Dad's car and left isht behind and his son's hoes more than likely left their smells behind on the seat belt. Or he's banging hookers, but at least he's nice enough to wear a condom, right. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 He has some serious issues, and most of all, he's lying to you. You know this, and it's time for you to take control of this situation! Either get to marriage counselling and fix things or consider splitting up. You say he's cheated before, pulled the same condom excuse, so yeah, chances are he's up to no good again. Another thing, does he NOT realize that when you're in a serious relationship with someone (you two are commonlaw obviously) one of the things you don't do is give out your phone number to other women!!!! He is enjoying this extra attention and turning it on you like he's doing nothing wrong and you're crazy. You're not crazy at all. He's treating you like crap and making a fool of you! What a poop! Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Mochablkberry, So now I strongly believe that they are his... No doubts in my mind. He was cheating. You say, he cheated several times in the past. What else are you waiting for? Are you waiting for him to cheat again, but this time right infront of your face? It is time to move on Mochablkberry. Unless you want to live with a man that treats you in this manner. There is hope. There is a way out and an end to all this mess -mistrust and unfaithfullness. You will have to sit down with yourself, and think about what you truly want. In the end, it is about you. Take Care, Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 When my wife was doing things behind my back all she kept on saying was 'You're crazy', 'You're paranoid', etc.. when I would confront her about the facts. It's the only defense they have when they know they are caught. His reckoning is the best defense is a good offense. To put you on the offensive to try to steer you away from what things really are. He's cheating, and he has in the past. He'll continue to do so. You deserve better and the only way for him to really see what he's doing is to face the consequences to his actions. That means tough love, which means kicking him out. Look up the 5 stages of grief, you are in the denial stage. What you are going through with him is not love (not on his part). Unless you stop tolerating his behavior it will just continue. Link to post Share on other sites
gracey Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Your in a horrible situation. I don't know why you want to live this way. Do you have children together. Perhaps thats why you stay. He is a terrible person. He has no regard for you other than the fact he uses condoms. But I would guess he does that for his own safety. You need to get into some one on one with a good therapist. Who killed you confidence? 10 years is a long time to give to someone. Imagine another 10 with this guy. Ask yourself this, if you won the lottery would you still be with this guy?? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts