LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Snooping


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 2nd October 2006, 4:24 PM   #1
Guest
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Snooping

I know some are totally against snooping, but I am married and suspect spouse of infidelity, so I am opting to snoop. For those of you who have snooped and discovered the truth, could you give me some pointers. My spouse does not use internet, does not use credit cards, I handle checkings account for our bills, he deals only in cash. He works about 30 miles away in a small town with one street running through it, so I can't really drive by his work without being noticed. His type of work, with some projects they are let go early and paid for more hours, so o/t hours on the pay stub really mean nothing as far as actual verification of time worked, plus the hours would not really tell me if he left early an hour here or there. Alot of the warning signs of infidelity are there, based on lists I have read (and I noticed them BEFORE reading the lists, which is WHY I researched the lists). He is pretty much home every evening, so I suspect he is conducting his affair during the day. He does have a cellphone and makes alot of calls. I do have access to the bill, but he works with about 20 people and the numbers I don't recognize could be theirs, so that means nothing either as he tends to briefly chat on phone with alot of different people. I can't afford a PI. Alll our women friends are mutual friens, such as girlfriends or wives of his friends so I don't want to involve them in any following him schemes. lHe denies anything is going on, but his actions and my gut says otherwise. The obvious ways of finding out seem out and I am at a loss as to how to go about finding out the truth. Although he is a pretty big flirt, I never suspected infidelity until the past 7 or 8 months.
  Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 8:22 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Rooster_DAR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 2,643
I am all for snooping with reasonable cause!! If your gut instincts are screaming, there is something going on unless your a schizophrenic. Only do this if you are prepared for what you might find. Also, snooping is a huge sign of mistrust in the relationship, however cheating is even worse.

Cellphone:

Find the make and model of the cellpone vendor, then look online for a manual on how to use the menus. Once you are a little familiar, get to the cellphone when he's in the shower or out of site, and go to the configuration menu for the password. The password thats in there is the same password for the website login, and you can use it to gain access to his account on his ISP's website. Once there, you can access a detailed record of all phone calls in or out of his service. What you are looking for is a pattern, and frequent calls to/from the same number and the times.

Your are looking for patterns in the chaos, numerous calls to and from one particuar phone number. Go to a pay phone and call that number. If somone answers, hang up and keep trying until you get a voice mail. The voice mail usually will give the name of the person. After that, you will have a good idea who the person is. Be careful though, you don't want to jump into accusation too fast, it may screw things up really bad.

If you start asking too many questions or being too suspicious, you will only push him into hiding making it more difficult for discovery. Take your time, cheaters always make mistakes and eventually are caught. Also, make sure you put the cellphone back exactly as it was exiting any menus you were in or he will notice.

Find someone you can trust with a vehicle you H does not recognize, borrow a digital camera, and poke around during the day where you know he's going to be at.

Hope this helps,

Good luck!
Rooster_DAR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 8:44 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 14
Snoop, that all you have. I did and found that my husband of 25 years was having an affair with a much younger woman. 20 years younger. I had no reason to ever suspect him until he started talking about needing a little time away and feeling bad cause he had to work out of town through the month of Oct. Well my gut felt bad and I looked in his vehicle to find a pic. of him and this girl under the pic of me and our girls. He claimed that it was a joke and she was just a bar maid from some bar he and the guys stopped at after work one day, he made me throw the pic away and then the feeling would not leave my stomach. I then went to his cell a few days later when he was in bed and checked the text messages and there they were...I could not ask you to do that, besides I don't even know you. and the next said "Your married". Sick Sick Sick. I flipped and have not felt the same. This has only be 20 days and the saga continues. Well, I really think that for your peace of mind, you need to find out one way or another. I can't change the past, predict the future, so I'm just trying to focus on the here and now. Easier said that done at this point.
Simpleplan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 9:21 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Rooster_DAR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 2,643
Snooping is a love/hate behaviour. I don't think I have ever met anybody who was in between regarding this subject, either they thinks it's totally wrong, or perfectly reasonable. The fact is, that if there is nothing to hide then snooping will certainly prove that. Now, if the snooping continues after negative findinds, then that is a real problem and could indicate major trust issues or even paranoia.

If you suspect your S/O is up to no good, they are up to no good. I don't think you will find any articles on this site where someones gut instinct was incorrect. I'm sure there are execptions, but they are few and far between.

Regards,
Rooster_DAR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 9:32 PM   #5
Established Member
 
LakesideDream's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Comfortably Settled in the Low Desert
Posts: 3,361
Frankly I never snooped on my now exW. I didn't believe I needed to. I saw "warning signs" that didn't look abnormal without the context of her cheating.

One thing she occasionally did that I didn't catch on to was ask me if I "ever thought" about cheating. Once near the end (before I knew she was cheating) she pointed out a womans behavior toward me. She said the woman was "hitting" on me. I hadn't noticed (and it had happened before).

If you feel the need "snoop". There must be something very disturbing going on for you to feel the need, assuming that you are sane.
LakesideDream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 9:33 PM   #6
Sup
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Somewhere in the Delta Quadrant
Posts: 979
Perhaps the MOST called number is the person who he's been cheating with, not a garrenty, but it's a start. There may be more than one number that is called often, hubby may have done that on purpose to throw anyone's snooping eyes off the trail.
__________________
End of Line - Tron
Sup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2006, 9:36 PM   #7
ely
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 118
Ask his friends or trick them into saying something, thats how I caught my boyfriend cheating and they were drunk at the time and said the truth
ely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd October 2006, 9:57 AM   #8
Guest2
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
You can buy a digitial recorder and hide it in his car. This will catch any conversations he may have while driving. Or if you want to know where his is there are tracking devices you can buy online that you can stick under the seat of his truck and this will tell you where he is and has been. These cost about $200.
  Reply With Quote
Old 3rd October 2006, 11:01 AM   #9
 
outofdarkness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: southeast
Posts: 1,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guest View Post
I know some are totally against snooping, but I am married and suspect spouse of infidelity, so I am opting to snoop. For those of you who have snooped and discovered the truth, could you give me some pointers. My spouse does not use internet, does not use credit cards, I handle checkings account for our bills, he deals only in cash. He works about 30 miles away in a small town with one street running through it, so I can't really drive by his work without being noticed. His type of work, with some projects they are let go early and paid for more hours, so o/t hours on the pay stub really mean nothing as far as actual verification of time worked, plus the hours would not really tell me if he left early an hour here or there. Alot of the warning signs of infidelity are there, based on lists I have read (and I noticed them BEFORE reading the lists, which is WHY I researched the lists). He is pretty much home every evening, so I suspect he is conducting his affair during the day. He does have a cellphone and makes alot of calls. I do have access to the bill, but he works with about 20 people and the numbers I don't recognize could be theirs, so that means nothing either as he tends to briefly chat on phone with alot of different people. I can't afford a PI. Alll our women friends are mutual friens, such as girlfriends or wives of his friends so I don't want to involve them in any following him schemes. lHe denies anything is going on, but his actions and my gut says otherwise. The obvious ways of finding out seem out and I am at a loss as to how to go about finding out the truth. Although he is a pretty big flirt, I never suspected infidelity until the past 7 or 8 months.
ask him if he'd be willing to provide receipts for his cash purchases and keep track of his ATM withdrawals, ie...where when...This might give you a clearer picture of what/if anything is going on. Re: His cell phone, ask him to mark on the statement which calls are business and which are personal...If he seems irritated or defiant, then my guess is that he has something to hide. People that have nothing to hide generally don't mind you asking...His behavior might be your best clue as to whether or not he is up to something. If his behavior, grooming habits, work hours, etc. have changed, then you would be right to suspect something. Also, it's not unheard of for cheaters to make/receive calls on their home phones...Push redial or *69 to find out if he's been making or receiving calls from home..Check he mileage on his car...reset the odometer and then check it again after he arrives home if you can do it w/out him seeing you. If you know the distance that he generally travels every day, this could be a big tipoff..Cheaters also like to deal in cash only so that there is not a record of their A's...He could also have a credit card that you are unaware of...Hope these things help...Try not to get too obsessive with the detective stuff..If he is cheating, he will get sloppy at some point and you will find out. It really will eat you up if you delve too deeply in all of the detective stuff. Good luck..
outofdarkness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd October 2006, 1:20 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Mz. Pixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: The South
Posts: 4,496
You can always borrow a friends car to snoop on him since he knows your car. Take a day off when you are suspicious of him doing something and do it.

Rooster had some good points. Checking text messages is a good way to go- since alot of people text now. Check at night when he's sleeping or when he's in the shower. If his phone is password protected that is not a good sign.

Why are you suspicious if you don't mind us asking??

Check his car for receipts as well to places he hasn't taken you. Tell him you'd like to start using the CC for purchases so you can get the frequent flyer miles or whatever.

Does he use a computer at work?? Could it be that he has a secret email account??

If you purchase a recorder make sure it is one that turns on and off by voice- because one that runs continually will make the batteries die. Also if you allow the battery to die it generally wipes out the memory. That's been posted before on this board.
__________________
Sweetie, it's all true!
Mz. Pixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2006, 3:56 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 49
This is an area I know a lot about. For the digital recorder - Radio Shack has an Olympus digital recorder that's less than $40, and works pretty well. Read the manual, and use the voice activiated recording feature. It'll record for HOURS on 2 AA batteries, and will store PLENTY of recording time.

This would be your cheapest and best first step, unless you can get your hands on the call list or billing for the phone.
RuralProblems is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2006, 4:17 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 49
While I'm at it - with a computer, and about $200, you can buy an inexpensive Garmin GPS - get the cheapest one that will record "Tracks" (the salesman will know what you mean). Then get an interface cable to hook it up to your computer. Get the Garmin MetroGuide such as http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-MetroGu...&s=electronics $82 and an eTrex unit $80 http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-eTrex-W...&s=electronics and an interface cable $30 http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-Interfa...&s=electronics

With these, you can see on the computer (on a highly "zoomable" map) where the car went, when and where it stopped, how long it was stopped, etc. Invaluable if you suspect the car is being used. And a lot cheaper than a lot of the GPS tracking stuff they sell to people trying to track a car.

Hope you find nothing, which would mean no A, but the above would tell you a lot and could somewhat confirm one way or the other.
RuralProblems is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2006, 4:22 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 49
You know, I should really write an book about what I've found. It did me NO good because she was so good at "hiding". But I learned what worked, what was the cheapest and best ways to do things.

I have one of the $200 recorders. But the batteries wouldn't last for 2 days (which I needed sometimes). So I fabricated an external battery source using Lithium batteries, and it went from lasting 8 hours to over 40.
RuralProblems is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2006, 6:45 PM   #14
Sup
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Somewhere in the Delta Quadrant
Posts: 979
Quote:
Originally Posted by RuralProblems View Post
You know, I should really write an book about what I've found. It did me NO good because she was so good at "hiding". But I learned what worked, what was the cheapest and best ways to do things.

I have one of the $200 recorders. But the batteries wouldn't last for 2 days (which I needed sometimes). So I fabricated an external battery source using Lithium batteries, and it went from lasting 8 hours to over 40.
How's everything going RP? Do you have an update?
Sup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2006, 10:24 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 49
Hey, sup. Decided that I needed to talk to an pit-bull, er, I mean, attorney first. I'll put an (interesting) update on "my own" thread.
RuralProblems is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Snooping around Chi-guy Dating 27 11th July 2006 8:04 AM
Snooping Guest Breaks and Breaking Up 54 22nd March 2006 4:49 PM
snooping is it right? Guest General Relationship Discussion 4 16th March 2006 4:57 PM
I was snooping alicia24 Dating 7 8th January 2006 11:28 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:45 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.