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An Obsessive Love?

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Old 11th July 2006, 11:57 AM   #1
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Unhappy An Obsessive Love?

Im writing to express my emotions. I woke up sad. My Fiance went through my blog(online journal) last night trying to search every detail possible of my EX through the blog archives. This blog which is mostly of social issues has had a 4 year run. I myself dont even know what I wrote in the past, When I saw him so impulsive to search. I felt so invaded and very very humiliated. I have ZERO feelings for my Ex and rarely remember him and whatever i wrote about him was petty. I tried getting him out of the computer by grabbing his shoulders and pleading for him to stop but he just continued like a 8 yaer old boy. After he read what he needed to read, he suggested that maybe I am not ready for a relationship. That maybe, i needed to experice more out there before i marry him(ive only had 2 boyfriends besides him). It just killed me that he would suggest this. After I cried so much and pleaded with him that i dont want no one else, we made up. He simply told me he is afraid of getting hurt, or afraid that one day I will leave him because I am not experienced enough. Mind that i have had two other sexual partners besides him, he has had over 30 and says that he had been around enouph to know what he wants.My lack of partners and boyfreinds scare him.

The big problem is, i have to reassure this man all the time. He always holds me at night and asks me never to leave him. I always feel like he is accusing me of having online relatinships. He always accuses me that someday I will find someone else. I always come out reassuring him or arguing to him that I wont. I feel that in many ways he has become Obsessive with me. Since we met (10 months ago) He doesn't go out with his friends anymore, they have all called him and felt abandoned by him. He doesn't want me to drive down an hour and see my family because he thinks I will leave him.In fact,he feels so relif when I tell him I wont visit them.He just wants to spend all of his time with me. If I let him, on an average we will have sex up to three times a day. Its just so overwhelming to me. This intense love he throws at me, than he constantly accuses me or needs assurance. Its almost like an Obsessive kind of love and I dont know if this behavior is normal? Than again, what is normal? I love him more than anyone i have ever known. I just feel so lost and confused by his actions. Thanks for listening i guess I just needed to let it out.
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Old 11th July 2006, 12:07 PM   #2
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No, that doesn't sound healthy. Have you asked him why he feels like you're going to leave him and why he needed to read those things about your ex? That was a major invasion of privacy, btw, since he knew you didn't want him to read them.

In a relationship, you both need to have lives outside of each other. To cut off your friends and family is extreme. Do you want your entire life to be wrapped up in one person who wont' let you speak to others? If you want to stay in this relationship, you should both go to counseling. If he won't go and doesn't see anything wrong, you should get out.
"It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not."
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Old 11th July 2006, 12:08 PM   #3
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My lack of partners and boyfreinds scare him.

IMO, I think this is his way of HIM wanting out of the relationship. Its also that possibly by him going through your journal maybe he picked up more on how you used to feel about your b/f than you thought. What might seem petty to you, he might view differently.

"The big problem is I have to reasure this man all the time."

Once again, this is a problem as well. He seems like he is very insecure reguardless of how many relationships he has been in. Just becasue he is more "experienced" doesn't mean he knows a hill of beans about a relationship.

"He doesn't want me to drive down and hour to see my family becasue he thinks I'll leave him."

Yes this is obsessive and controling. He accuses you and constantly needs reasureance. What does that tell you? This is not a healthy relationship at all. You do what you feel you need to do, but I can tell you its probably only going to get worse. I don't think its a healthy way to live.
"Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown people."
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Old 11th July 2006, 12:11 PM   #4
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OMGosh, while I read this I was taken back to my High School sweetheart whom I hurt-over for so many years.. I couldn't let go of him in my heart for years and years and years.. I wanted him to come back to me but never did even while I moved forward I secretly harbored him inside of me.

He pushed me back and told me to date other men also. He was my second bf, same age, lived in a different town, both of us were heading into our Senior years in High School and he was everything to me.

He wanted to go to college, I wanted to get married and have children.
He told me he didn't want me to cheat on him years later out of curiosity because I didn't get to 'play the field' as he put it..
We dated off and on for 2 years and eventually our lives just slipped apart. During the last 1 1/2 years with him I was dating other men because he insisted and I lost myself in it while holding onto him for security.

Your bf needs to be careful what he is worried about. My xbf pushed me to the wolves and lost me. I lost him because I was allowing myself to be ravaged by men. I got lost and it took me years to find myself.

I did get married to another man, I pulled my xbf memory into that marriage and after 11 1/2 years I finally walked out.
I haven't had any contact with the xbf because I heard from his brother that he got married and has kids. I don't want to rock his world by contacting him. I know where he is. I don't want to interfer even though I'm curious about him. He will always have a special place in my heart but I chose to move on.

How old are you and your bf?

At 20 yrs old I thought I was ready for marriage and moving on and I wasn't.
“You’re not on this Planet to live someone else’s dream.”

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