almostthere Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Me and my bf have been together over a year now. We both feel so strongly that this is it. we have both been married and divorced. we both have lost everything. we stumbled in to each other by accident. he was my customer while i was bartending and we have been insperable ever since. we were best friends for about 5 months before we started dating and now its just perfect. sure we have had so really tough times. really tough. but we managed to see it threw because they werent either of our faults. his exw tried to break us up several times. almost succeeded once by trying to convince me he cheated on me with her. but we worked through it. Anyway...we just adore each other and are so thankful and so close its almost magical. we are moving in together june 1st. And instead of feeling like i normally would "cold feet" i guess it wuld be described as i am more afraid that i will be on here sooner or later saying the same things the posters before me have. how do you keep a relationship from getting old? Is it as easy as making time for each to be alone and "reconnect"? staying intimate and having time for each other every day? keep up the "just to say hi" phone calls on lunch? I guess i just love how we are so much right now i hate to see it end. my and my exh were close too...once. not this close but it ended. i dont know. i am the kind of person that enjoys everything i have today because you just never know. i just dont want something so great turning out so not great. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Don't get married until you BOTH feel it's the right time and don't feel pressured TO get married. There is nothing wrong with just living together because you choose to be. Enjoy life as a couple, take it slow and just build a life together. Eventually the marriage stuff will happen when the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Annacabana Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 http://health.yahoo.com/topic/relationships/couple/article/pt/Psychology_Today_articles_pto-20000101-000036 http://www.family.org/married/youngcouples/a0019161.cfm Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 it all boils down to this: willingness to keep a healthy line of communication going, whether you're friends, lovers or in a committed relationship like marriage. So that when life starts getting a little *too* real, you've got that strong foundation in your relationship. I've heard marriagebuilders touted as a wonderful tool for relationships, so you may want to see if their site can give you stuff to work with. how do you keep a relationship from getting old? just keep working at it, and finding pursuits you can enjoy as a couple so that you're not seeking independent past-times more than you do those together Is it as easy as making time for each to be alone and "reconnect"? staying intimate and having time for each other every day? honestly? It can be challenging at times, depending on what's going on in your lives, but yes, with practice, it can be done. Like date nights, or retreats where it's just you and him getting to focus on each other and not what's going on around you keep up the "just to say hi" phone calls on lunch? DH and I call each other a couple of times a day to chat, whether it's information that one of us needs or to just be silly. And it's kind of nice knowing that it's not taboo in a relationship. Of course, my two co-workers are the same way with THEIR spouses, so it gets interesting listening on their end of the conversations!!!! you'll do well, simply because it's something you're aware of and want to instill in your relationship. hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I think I understand how you feel because I felt that way myself. It wasn't that I doubted our relationship.. it's just that in the face of so much relationship failure I questioned the future. I mean, surely everyone getting married has thought it through and thought that it would be forever, right? Well, that's where I wonder... I think a lot of peoiple had good intentions but didn't really know what was best for them and what should've been a warning sign. That said, you can't predict the future. You never know what tragedy lies ahead that can put a wedge between you. Part of the commitment of marriage is commiting to making it work. Communication is the most important thing.. develop strong communication now and get to know everything about each other. The hopes and dreams and financial stuff, children, family values. Cover all the bases. It's the daily maintenance that will keep the relationship strong. You don't just wake up one day and have a horrible marriage - it happens after you've let resentments build. You won't always call just to say hi but talking every day about the important stuff, being tolerant and understanding are all key. It's not stupid to worry about it... it would be stupid to leap in headfirst. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Hmmm! Either you trust one another or you don't. As for keeping the love alive, that's the hard part, as in hard work. It's all too easy to settle-in and get complascent. I did that in my last marriage with obvious results, even though it lasted 25 years. It shouldn't have. Half that actually would have been more than enough. I've now been married for 10 years to a friend of five years before. Love is still alive because we work on it in small ways every day. For instance, we always kiss when parting and again when meeting up. We talk twice a day while I'm at work. Today I brought home a lovely, fresh, spring bouquet for her just because. We leave love notes for one another. Most of all, we're considerate of one another and talk, a lot. It's not the big, holiday and every once in awhile things that do it. It's the daily reminders, the little ones, that we love and cherish one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Vega Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Stop thinking so far ahead - you'll drive yourself nuts! Make sure you both thoroughly understand and are committed to following the rules of argument. No name calling, don't bring up pasts, focus only on whatever the issue is at the time, that sort of thing. Then take it day by day and enjoy getting to know each other. When things get dull - as they will with any couple - go back to the beginning and find things that you enjoyed before and spice things up. Sometimes all a strained relationship needs is a good foot rub! Link to post Share on other sites
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