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I look good now


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Freebutterfly

Let me start here. I have been with my H for 6 1\2 years now. When I met him I was about 170 to 180lbs. Had a baby 2 years later and went up to 250lbs. Now I am 135, fit in a size 6 and I look hot. I did it all on my own. I get looks like have never gotton before and I love it. I have so meny sexy things to wear now. I feel so good about myself. But my H still looks at me them same. He does hold me more when we are out and about, but thats about it. When I ask him if he like the way I look he says "I love the way you look." And that all i get. What am I doing wrong?

And he also looks at porn online. He hops online when I leave for work. Then he covers it up. I have been very open when it comes to looking at porn and trying new things. When we have s@x, it is great. I have been dealing with this for 3 or so years. And now I look great. Why won't he stop and why does he still look at me the same way? I have told him how I felt and he says he will stoped but has not stoped. People say. "Wouldn't you have him look at porn then have another woman." He may not be with another woman but he still getting off online and not looking at me the way he is looking at woman online. I have worked so hard to look the way I do. I understand that people need to masturbate or what to. Thats fine but what about me. What about the way I feel? What about all the hard work I put into looking the way. I did it for myself and him. I need someones help.

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Seen_It_All

I'm sure that all the sacrifices and work you've gone through to get to where you're at now has been a long, hard road, indeed. Congratulations to you!

 

I can't help but wonder if your husband doesn't find your new appearance somewhat threatening? He's only known you as an overweight person - that's who he met and that's who he fell in love with. I give him credit for that as alot of men are way too shallow. So he's a good guy in that respect. But he really doesn't know you as a thin and very confident woman, does he?

 

I've actually heard of men who will encourage their wives to stay overweight and thwart their efforts in losing weight because they feel 'safer' that way - that perhaps other men will be less inclined to 'lure' them away if they stay heavy.

 

Your husband isn't exactly displaying this behavior, but he seems adverse to complimenting you and/or enjoying the 'spoils' of all your hard work in making yourself more attractive. Not only did changes occur to the outside of your body, but they've also occurred in your mind and in your general personality as well. When one feels good about themselves, it clearly shows in their actions. This may sound crazy, but sometimes when I have a really good hair day and I'm wearing a really nice outfit, my attitude is improved 100% and I think I exude a confidence and breeziness I don't normally display. Other people find this engaging and men find this very attractive in a woman.

 

It's quite possible he's closed himself off because he doesn't quite know how to handle the fact that you've become more attractive and more confident in your overall appearance. He may feel somewhat insecure, now. He seems to be playing it safe and keeping his distance. He may even resent the fact that your new appearance could be a 'threat' to him with other men.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but it's very possible. You've changed ALOT and he really hasn't changed at all. That may be threatening to him. I honestly don't know what the magic answer to this is, but I'm just throwing a possible reason for his behavior into the ring.

 

Whatever his reasons may be, PLEASE don't let his issues bring down your new sense of self confidence. You've worked SO hard to earn this, so don't let anything compromise it, ok?

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That's wonderful for you but it might be intimidating for him. When people go in for gastric bypass surgery because of morbid obesity, one thing they're warned of is that slimming down drastically can be hazardous to their marriage/relationship. The spouse/partner feels uneasy because after the drastic weight loss, the other is suddenly more attractive to the opposite sex. The flip side of the coin is that the slimmer spouse/partner may have reawakened sexuality because they're suddenly attracting a lot of attention.

 

The latter, primarily, was my experience with the ex which is part of the reason she's now the ex. She acted upon it!

 

Just something to think about. He may not want to remind you or remark upon how fabulous you look even if you've never given him any reason, whatsoever, to doubt you. It's basic insecurity!

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I have a feeling your husband is worried about giving you a 'swelled head' because you're hot and sexy now!

 

Men worry a LOT about other men checking out their girl.

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