parentdetective Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Hello So I was wondering how much arguing you do in your marriage? Is the main subject money??? It seems to be a major problem in a lot of marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 The three main subjects that cause fights in marriages are money, children and sex. My wife and I rarely disagree about anything. We have, for us, a comfortable household income with savings and investments to fall back on if need be. Sex is not an issue that on which we disagree so that only leaves children. We have none together but I have five and she has two, all now adults, and step issues arise occasionally. Nine times out of ten we agree. Half of the remaining 10% we agree to disagree and the last half percent can sometimes cause us to disagree. Thankfully, we have conversations, not confrontations but every now and again we can have a rather heated discussion. It's still a rare occurrence. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Most of my fights with my husband of 10 years are very, very PETTY! He can be very insensitive sometimes and I have to make it known to him that he was being a jerk. Then he makes excuses or proceeds to start an argument.... I know, by now, we should ONLY fight over REAL issues, like what C. mentioned above. We do fight over parenting sometimes... those can be very nasty, with me storming out of the house or locking myself in the bedroom. This doesn't make me very pretty, does it? I am thankful that we don't have financial or sexual problems to fight over. If we did... who knows, perhaps we would have been separated by now. (We are very different people with very different interests.) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 we have been together for 19 yrs are issues have included children issues and mostly sex issues it has been a horrible battle as he wants me to be with other men and i have a hard time with that as i am only interested in him that way it has taken a toll on our family as far as the fighting through the years and there has been no compromise on either side i have tried what he wanted and hated it and am back to trying to compromise because i dont want to end this relationship because i love him and am trying to understand Link to post Share on other sites
StayClose Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Hello So I was wondering how much arguing you do in your marriage? Is the main subject money??? It seems to be a major problem in a lot of marriages. Unfortunately my wife & I fight at least once a week, about any topic on which we disagree, and it's usually not money. Fighting seems to be her normal mode of discussing disagreements. Too often, the fight ususally decends quickly into accusations of me of not hearing her (read: not agreeing), making it "all about me" (read: expressing a need of mine) or being a turd (read: no more productive discourse). I can often avoid the shouting by saying "I hear you" and repeating back what she said in my own words, but expressing my perspective afterward can be proof to her that I'm "not hearing" or is interpreted as me calling her stupid, and the shouting resumes. So often I just stop at "I hear you." However, "hearing" is not the same thing as agreement, so issues that we have often take a long time to resolve properly. I'm very jealous of couples who just calmy discuss their issues and come to a mutually acceptable conclusion. I've asked my wife to do this, but she says that because my parents didn't fight, I don't know how to fight properly. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 "I've asked my wife to do this, but she says that because my parents didn't fight, I don't know how to fight properly." :confused: :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 It's very rare for us to fight over the "Big Three" as C-Lion outlined it. We're pretty much on the same page with those issues. The only thing we ever really fight about and it's not even that often are jealousy issues having to do with boundaries. My boundaries and his are not exactly aligned and it has caused conflict. We do try to meet in the middle though. He needs to relax his boundaries a bit more and I need to move mine so that it's at least closer to being aligned with his. For the most part that works for us but issues still do occasionally pop up. But when we DO argue, the don't last very long and we don't do the silent treatment thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ryan05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Me and the wife don't fight over $$$, or kids (we have none). But sex, yes. All the time, namely cuz she doesn't want it and I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Unfortunately my wife & I fight at least once a week, about any topic on which we disagree, and it's usually not money. Fighting seems to be her normal mode of discussing disagreements. Too often, the fight ususally decends quickly into accusations of me of not hearing her (read: not agreeing), making it "all about me" (read: expressing a need of mine) or being a turd (read: no more productive discourse). I can often avoid the shouting by saying "I hear you" and repeating back what she said in my own words, but expressing my perspective afterward can be proof to her that I'm "not hearing" or is interpreted as me calling her stupid, and the shouting resumes. So often I just stop at "I hear you." However, "hearing" is not the same thing as agreement, so issues that we have often take a long time to resolve properly. I'm very jealous of couples who just calmy discuss their issues and come to a mutually acceptable conclusion. I've asked my wife to do this, but she says that because my parents didn't fight, I don't know how to fight properly. Ummmm.......... are we perchance married to the same woman and just don't know about it? My wife seems to hate logical discourse sometimes. She knows what she wants already. The logic of it is just a minor detail to be explained away in the future or avoided altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
EndoftheRope Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I would think in-laws would be high on the list of marital fights. For us they certainly are. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 porn is the big one Link to post Share on other sites
sunseed Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Miscommunications, mostly. Both of us make mistakes in our expression and it can tick the other person off. But then again we're still newlyweds. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 I would think in-laws would be high on the list of marital fights. For us they certainly are. Then you should limit your time with the in-laws, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 We don't really argue about money much anymore, but there is on occassion where we do. Our main arguement is miscommunication and issues on disciplining the children. We never argue about sex, but in the past we did. Link to post Share on other sites
EndoftheRope Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Then you should limit your time with the in-laws, IMO. I do. But H thinks they can do no wrong, no matter what they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage222 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 We don't fight! Sometimes this is healthy but other times when we should speak on our feelings and we don't - that becomes not healthy. Money, sex and rock and roll are all up on the 110% from both end of us! Link to post Share on other sites
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