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My Husband SUCKS sometimes WDYT


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glittergurl

Ok, I'm pissed. My husband's in Hong Kong, on a business trip. I spent like $100 to get first quality chocolates Fedexed straight to Hong Kong in 48 hours. Oh, and add a personalized engraved box and a card with that. I couldn't wait for his reaction .... the website showed that it was delivered at 11am local time. So of course, I log on, see him online, but "away" and send him a message ... no response .... for 8 hours. Then he finally calls me. I was expecting a big "thank you" or something, but noooooo ... there he goes telling me all about his business deals of the day. Now, okay, I'm glad and proud and all that, but come on. Could he have ruined the mood any more?

 

Then he said "oh yeah, and thanks for the chocolates by the way".

 

UH.

 

Okay ... IT ONLY COST A HUNDRED BUCKS, YOU KNOW! NO BIGGIE! **shocked** (ok, I didn't tell him that, but I thought it)

 

Then he started talking to his biz partner .... I tried to talk to him, but he said he was busy. Alright. I'm not a b****, so I brushed it off and remained patient ... Then **pooofff** he went offline! Straight to bed.

 

Mind you, I still decided not to be a b**** about it, and just thought to myself he must have been exhausted because of his busy day. And that I shouldn't take it personally and all.

 

So, the next morning, he calls me. We talk. Needless to say I figured the chocolate topic was already old and worthless to mention ... but he mentioned it. And you know what he said? He said "thanks! I was so happy I had changed my mind about going to a massage room, and came back to my room early and found your present instead." OMG! SAY WHAT??? Am I hallucinating? Getting a massage? In China? Y'all know what that means, right? Plus, we mentioned getting massages at a spa quite often, but that was supposed to be something we'd do together.

 

Ok, I freaked out. Then he got pissed cuz I freaked out. Then I got even more pissed because HE DARED to be pissed about me freaking out. So anyway, the conversation got super cold, and we basically hung up on each other.

 

My God! I mean, he's my husband and all, but that's just lame. Do you think I'm overreacting, or was his attitude really rude and ungrateful?

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catgirl1927

Are all massage parlours in China like that? I mean, Hong Kong is a city, like any other city anywhere else. I'm sure there are places like that, but there are probably also services at his hotel that are perfectly respectable. Am I being naive?

 

I think he's being a little distant maybe, and he should have been more grateful for the chocolates, but perhaps he didn't realize how much trouble you went to. Boys are like that, sometimes they just don't think about things like that. I don't think you need to be furious or worried or anything.

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whichwayisup

Has he given you any reason NOT to trust him? Why are you assuming that because he is getting or got a massage that it's gonna be a rub'n'tug? THAT is why he is pissed off, because you assumed the worst of him.

 

I have to point out, that IF he DID get a rub'n'tug, why did he even mention massage??? He would have left out that part, silly...He thanked you for the chocolates, said it made him happy.

 

So, yeah, he reacted because you reacted and you guys fed off of eachother.

 

Call him and say sorry. Who cares who's right or wrong (meaning if you feel HE should be the one calling and saying sorry...IT doesn't matter!) he's far away and it's stupid to be fighting and thinking negative things.

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To be perfectly honest, I think you're overreacting and spoiling for a fight.

 

Bet you get it!

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glittergurl

That he was gonna go to one of those massage places.

It sucks cuz we joked about the massage places that offer "little extras" before he left. And there he goes out drinking with business mates, and telling me on the phone that he actually thought about going there.

 

Anyway, I'm not saying he's a cheater. And even though he thought about going while being tipsy, I know it doesn't mean that he would have actually gone. That's beside the point. I'm just saying it sucks that I went through the trouble of sending him a nice present, which should have been something sweet from me to him, but turned out to be greeted with the worst comments. That's what makes me upset.

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So, he was saying he was thinking of going to a massage parlor with "extra's", and he told you about it seriously? After getting a present sent from you? That's about as dumb as it gets. He should have been more thankful for your thoughful gift, that's for sure. Make sure you let him know this really upsets you. Don't go holding back so you don't look the bitch. IMHO, he acted like an insensitive ass and needs to be told so. It's not exactly a capital offense mind you, but still pretty stupid.

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I'm just saying it sucks that I went through the trouble of sending him a nice present, which should have been something sweet from me to him, but turned out to be greeted with the worst comments. That's what makes me upset.
Ouch! Ok the fact that he probably has jet lag, is dealing in a different culture, different country, working hard to understand various accents, dealing with all sorts of different stressfully situations, being full on all day and being exhausted doesn't get him any consideration from you?

 

What is the real issue?

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glittergurl

He got plenty of consideration. I could have started b****ing way before he said that, but I didn't. Plus, it's not exactly how you imagine it. My husband travels a lot, all the time. He's used to Asia, and he was in India before he went to Hong Kong, so he doesn't have jet lag at all. The time difference is like 3 hours.

 

Anyway, I need to calm down; I do realize that. And trust me, I'm not a cold hearted wench when we talk. I usually put my worries away, and try to be as nice as possible, because I know he's busy and all. I'm just hurt right now. Oh well, that's what I guess for trying to be nice. But I know it's not the end of the world; I just wanted to check if others agree that his comments were rude, or if it was just me.

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I think his first mistake was telling you he was even thinking of going to one. Maybe its because he was "tipsy" and wasn't thinking clearly on the matter. However I think if he still seems distant or somethings not quite right when he returns then you might have to really wonder about it.

 

 

 

 

Jade

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What is the real issue?

 

 

You nailed it Craig..

 

GG.. you have a unique marriage in that he spends a lot of time away from you..

 

Maybe there is more to this than just his indifference to your gift giving.

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I just wanted to check if others agree that his comments were rude, or if it was just me.
If he is consistently like this then you have something to be concerned about. If this is something that doesn't happen regularly then just let it go. :)

 

Chocolates, suprise gifts, etc. may not be the way that he knows he is loved by you.

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Gift receiving might not be his thing. So if every time you send him a gift he responds or doesn't respond rather, the way you hoped, then you have to change your behavior, in the fact that you don't need to send him any more gifts. Especially if you feel hes not really appreciative of what he gets from you. My husband is the same way. I would give him things, and he either wouldn't respond at all, or if he did it was half ass. So my counselor said since he seems to not be real appreciative, then stop giving them to him. If you know how he may react, and its not the response you were hoping for then chances are you will be the one thats pissed.

 

 

 

 

 

Jade

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glittergurl

Hmm, ok, I have to say it is a one time thing :o He's usually more considerate. Pfftt Oh well!!

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Mr. Peebles
If he is consistently like this then you have something to be concerned about. If this is something that doesn't happen regularly then just let it go. :)

 

Chocolates, suprise gifts, etc. may not be the way that he knows he is loved by you.

 

 

(Wearing his flameproof suit he says) I just might agree. While the chocolates where incredibly thoughtful it is the sort of gift a woman would really really appreciate whereas a man thinks is 'a nice thing'. We don't respond to the stuff the way the ladies do.

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glittergurl

That's interesting, Jade. Come to think of it, there have been presents in the past that didn't get the enthusiastic big thanks I was expecting. Except it didn't involve massage rooms before ... uh whatever. But yeah, maybe you're right.

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Sorry, but I think you're over reacting. Sounds to me like he was mostly just beat.

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blind_otter

Wait, I'm confused. He admitted to wanting to go for a rub and tug?

 

Or was he jsut going to a massage parlor?

 

Because as a person who actually took the time to go to massage school, where we bitched about people who think that massages are all sexual favors, that is kind of offensive.

 

But for some reason like 90% of the women in this world believe that, too, so go fig.

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blind_otter
I'm not insulting you, blind_otter.

 

I didn't say that you were, I just think it's weird that women think all massage parlors are sex dens. I think it comes from not understanding that actual therapeutic massage involves learning actual techniques that don't involve the weenis.

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glittergurl

Please read the whole thread. You'll realize that I wasn't stupidly generalizing about massage places.

 

Anyway, today's a bad day for me, lots of things going wrong (and I'm not referring to my husband only). So I'm sure my writing sounds worse than I mean it.

 

I think I'll just leave the computer screen for now.

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RecordProducer

I think you're exaggerating about the chocolate candies, but something IS wrong here. Would he be capable of cheating?

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