Hiding money and other secrets?

[a4a]

Wondering how many married/ LTR LSers hide money from their SOs?

 

Do you hide your spending from them?

 

Have a secret stash of cash? Have a secret form of income from them?

 

Did you get busted hiding money/spending?

 

****************

I keep a secret stash myself. I do not hide spending unless it is for a gift for my H.

[catgirl1927]

Wondering how many married/ LTR LSers hide money from their SOs?

 

Do you hide your spending from them?

 

Have a secret stash of cash? Have a secret form of income from them?

 

Did you get busted hiding money/spending?

 

****************

I keep a secret stash myself. I do not hide spending unless it is for a gift for my H.

 

No. I have my own money so I don't have to hide anything. I don't hide spending unless it's a gift, but he usually knows how much stuff costs anyway.

[Sassy]

I don't have to hide money from my S/O . If i spend money for something he knows about it. I keep nothing from him ..

[Mz. Pixie]

I don't have to hide money from my S/O . If i spend money for something he knows about it. I keep nothing from him ..

 

Ditto what Sassy says. Both of our checks go direct deposit and while my H pays the bills, we work together on the checking account and goals etc.

 

This would be a HUGE issue for me if I thought my husband was doing this. I worked primarily with men earlier in my career and they all hid money from their wives- sometimes not even telling them about a bonus, etc.

 

We each have a certain amount we don't have to check with the other on when we spend.

[hotgurl]

we keep our finaces seperate. I like it that way he has his money and I have mine.

 

We are openign a joint account for the mortagage and x number of dollars will be contributed to the account from each of our checks and the rest will go into our own accounts.

 

Also I don't have to justify picking up yet another pair of shoes and he doesn't have to account for his purchases. Any thing big purchase or joint purchase we do discuss.

[Touche]

No, no hiding anything here either. When I worked I put my check in our joint account. I did have a 401K but cashed it out a few years ago and put the money on our house. Just thought it was a better use for it.

 

Decisions on large purchases are made together.

[a4a]

oh nobody has ever hidden/tried to hide the cost of something they bought?

 

ummmmm hummmmm.

 

I keep my secret stash for emergency funds.......if never used it will make for one hell of a surprise vacation for us

[catgirl1927]

oh nobody has ever hidden/tried to hide the cost of something they bought?

 

I haven't. It's my money. Who am I hiding it from?

[2sunny]

My soon to be ex hid stuff he bought all the time.

 

New golf clubs, clothes, new shoes, even furniture etc....

 

He was a huge shopper and would keep stuff in the trunk of the car like some of my friends do. Then they bring stuff in a little bit at a time...

 

Never made any sense to me because I never got mad about it. He must have had his own guilt about buying...

[a4a]

Hell I do, but we have semi blended finances. If you have sep. accts. it would not matter.

 

I am getting estimates on having a pooled installed...... so I may hide the actual cost by putting down a larger deposit to make it seem more palletteable to the H......

 

Of course I do these things with my own money not our money so doesn't really matter....... just saves a bit of trouble in the long run

[Touche]

There's no way either one of us could hide the cost of something really. We'd find out in the long run. H did once secretly give a local politician a contribution that was what I would consider large. I didn't find out until months later and only because I asked him if he contributed. BOY, was I pissed. He didn't tell me because he knew I'd NEVER agree to the amount he gave. You can bet he never did THAT again! (Or did he?...hmmmm)

 

But then I did make one rather large purchase 2 years ago without consulting him first. So I guess we're even.

[Kenyth]

I think hiding money is a bad idea in general, with the sole exception of hiding the money to buy a surprise gift. It shows a lack of trust and/or trustworthiness. You should be able to discuss purchases together equitably and you should both have a feel of the household finances.

[catgirl1927]

I think hiding money is a bad idea in general, with the sole exception of hiding the money to buy a surprise gift. It shows a lack of trust and/or trustworthiness. You should be able to discuss purchases together equitably and you should both have a feel of the household finances.

 

I personally think it's a pretty big thing to lie about. I would be uncomfortable if I thought my SO was lying about money. BUT, my ex-H lied to me about money for YEARS so I'm pretty gun-shy now.

[tikigods]

only time I "hide" is when I want to buy a gift of some sort, but our accounts are joint and both paychecks go into them

 

I agree though that hiding money for any other purpose is really a bad idea, if you don't want them to have access to certain amounts have seperate accounts, but don't sneak around and do it

[JamesM]

Okay, let me be the bad one here. Yes, I "hide" money. But I also know my wife does. Since she controls (ie Write checks for bills) the finances, she can set aside money in the account for whatever purposes.

 

I have a stash set aside so that I can buy something without feeling guilty that I am taking money away from something. This stash is built up over a period of time. The money has been used for things such as computer parts, spaying the dog, dog memorial, plants...and other not so controversial items. At the time of those purchases, our finances may not have been able to bear the burden of the cost of these items yet I wanted the item or the dog needed the item. And sometimes (ie dog costs), my wife is relieved that I actually did that to alleviate our finances.

 

What can be a problem is if your spouse does so for illicit purposes. He (mostly) can then purchase porn, prostitues, etc. without your knowledge. If you suspect your SO of having a LARGE secret stash, then I would be concerned.

 

I think that a secret stash gives independence to each partner. Although the finances are in a joint account, each partner can save his own money for special purchases. But as has been mentioned, this CAN be used for the wrong reasons.

 

I have never been mad at my wife for any purchases she has made, and I do not care that/if she has a secret stash. But, if I found that she was purchasing items, services that went against our marital vows, then it would be a concern.

[bab]

So far I haven't hidden any money and don't plan to. On the other hand, we are both deciding that my STBH will hide some money from me. Kinda. He has an expensive hobby and while I do support it, I think it will give me high blood pressure to see such frequent large amounts disappear from our checking account. So, we've mutally decided to set him up with another account that I won't have to see. This was really my suggestion though, so I don't know if it counts.

[catgirl1927]

But if that money is for stuff you need together or something that isn't "controversial", then why lie about it? You're talking about separate stashes of rainy day money, not money you're squirrelling away and lying about.

[Kenyth]

Hiding money for the sake of guilt or avoiding confrontation on purchases isn't healthy. I did it too, for a little while. You and your SO have to come to a healthy consensus on spending. That means you both get to buy stuff you want without putting the household in bankruptcy.

 

Too many times, the person who handles the finances also get's to decide what things are important enough for purchase. They make the other person feel guilty for their wants. This can lead to hiding money and it's not right for either person. Things like finances need to be discussed and fairly attended to.

 

 

I remember when me and my then fiance were living together in an apartment. We combined finances. I didn't get to buy anything I wanted and complained. She got mad and offered to split the bills. I accepted. She thought I would be even more broke. She found out differently.

 

It wasn't really malicious. She simply had a misconception about my income vs. expenses. She didn't realize little things, like the fact she went through over twice as much laundry, twice as many toiletries, three times the TP. I liked to play computer games and she liked movies, so she was paying a lot every month for a bunch of movie channels. My car cost half as much as hers in payments, insurance, and gas. I don't buy anywhere near as many clothes or shoes and I'm not scared to buy no-name items. It all adds up!

[tinktronik]

I have admittedly strange monetary habits. I hide money in seperate accounts in fear that I will just lose it someday and go on a wild spending spree.This is not something I've done before.But I put the money into accounts where it would take me several days to get at it. I also hide money around the house in books ,jars ,cereal boxes , under rugs, in coffee cans in clothes pockets that I don't wear.Its strange I know .And I'm not quite clear on why I do it .My s/o will find money and just shake his head . But when I've moved in the past I'm always RICH!!! I don't so much hide money from him but hide it in general.

[catgirl1927]

I have admittedly strange monetary habits. I hide money in seperate accounts in fear that I will just lose it someday and go on a wild spending spree.This is not something I've done before.But I put the money into accounts where it would take me several days to get at it. I also hide money around the house in books ,jars ,cereal boxes , under rugs, in coffee cans in clothes pockets that I don't wear.Its strange I know .And I'm not quite clear on why I do it .My s/o will find money and just shake his head . But when I've moved in the past I'm always RICH!!! I don't so much hide money from him but hide it in general.

 

I do that!!!! It's so fun to find surprises like that. I have also been known to slip a 20 in my BFs jacket pocket if he's going out with his friends. FUN!

[tinktronik]

I do that!!!! It's so fun to find surprises like that. I have also been known to slip a 20 in my BFs jacket pocket if he's going out with his friends. FUN!

 

Thank goodness I'm not he only one... :lmao:

[bab]

I have admittedly strange monetary habits. I hide money in seperate accounts in fear that I will just lose it someday and go on a wild spending spree.This is not something I've done before.But I put the money into accounts where it would take me several days to get at it. I also hide money around the house in books ,jars ,cereal boxes , under rugs, in coffee cans in clothes pockets that I don't wear.Its strange I know .And I'm not quite clear on why I do it .My s/o will find money and just shake his head . But when I've moved in the past I'm always RICH!!! I don't so much hide money from him but hide it in general.

 

I do this too, but uh...not on purpose. I found $100 the other day when I was cleaning up. It's like Christmas!!

[RideTheWave]

I have $1,000 put away in my locker at work along with copies of all our financial statements. A dear friend of mine was completely blindsided when her husband left her. No emergency money other than the 10 bucks she had in her wallet. She had no knowledge of what he made, where the money was, where their accounts were. She was completely ignorant.

 

My stash is basically a Plan B if I should ever need it. I just add a little here and there to it when I can and am trying to learn all I can about our finances. I've left instructions with one of my coworkers that if anything should ever happen to me that I do not want my husband to have the contents of that locker. They are to go to my friend. She will use the money to anonymously make a donation to cover my child's tuition.

 

Needless to say, I don't believe in fairy tales anymore.

[bab]

I have $1,000 put away in my locker at work along with copies of all our financial statements. A dear friend of mine was completely blindsided when her husband left her. No emergency money other than the 10 bucks she had in her wallet. She had no knowledge of what he made, where the money was, where their accounts were. She was completely ignorant.

 

My stash is basically a Plan B if I should ever need it. I just add a little here and there to it when I can and am trying to learn all I can about our finances. I've left instructions with one of my coworkers that if anything should ever happen to me that I do not want my husband to have the contents of that locker. They are to go to my friend. She will use the money to anonymously make a donation to cover my child's tuition.

 

Needless to say, I don't believe in fairy tales anymore.

 

Wow. It sounds like you are really expecting to divorce soon.

[RecordProducer]

I think in most cases it's totally unhealthy for the marriage to hide money. I would understand if a woman bought a $300 pair of shoes and she never reported it, but made her husband think she spent a lot of money in the grocery store. But to have secret funds on aside is deceiving your spouse.