blueroses Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 This is so embarasing to write but i dont understand. I have been married 7 years and the first 2 years the sex was initiated by both,The last 5 years he has only initiated sex 4 times,Befor we were married we looked at porno books and he told me what he wanted to do to them or what he liked about them also when he would watch tv he would watch them and have me get him off,I did all this because i felt like if he didnt want me at least he is with me,it hurt so much and still bothers me,my point is i never felt like or feel now he wants me,i dont see him looking at women and he says he has always been interested in me and always has thought i am sexy and pretty,but i feel so ugly.We have talked he says he just doesnt think of sex at all with me or with anyone else,he says in his past relationships he never thought of sex much either,He used to say things like all you want is sex or go f*your ex boyfriend when he has been angry.i really love him but never get all the way naked with him and fake orgasm 3/4 of the time,I feel so ugly it bothers me so much i hate to go into stores and ive asked him to initiate it he says he will and he doesnt want me sad but he never does.is it him or me ?????i am 5 ft 4 weigh 125 long hair and have people come up to me and say i am pretty,I am so unhappy mabey i should divorce because im so jealouse when we go anywhere and we fight alot about it,I think if he truly loved me he would remember to initiate it,im confused and so tired of how im feeling.Please help Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 What are your reasons for staying married? Do you have kids together? Religious beliefs? Love? It's probably going to take alot of hard work on both your parts to resolve the problem, so you might want to determine if it's worth it to you or not. I can't see your relationship improving without mutual dedication to addressing the issues. Your husband is not communicating with you properly. He might need some guidance in MC (marriage counseling) so that he can learn to do that. Your self-esteem is taking a real beating too. It might help you to start working on that first. As difficult as it is to accept, your husband's opinion of you is just that....one man's opinion. It has nothing whatsoever to do with WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Maybe you could explore that a bit. Find some things that you like about YOU. If you're having trouble getting it done, consider IC (individual counseling). Your self-esteem belongs to you and not anybody else. Ultimately, it's you who is responsible for keeping it healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Since he doesn't think of sex with you or anyone else, he might actually have low male sex hormone levels. He should see a doctor. My sister dated a guy who had this problem, went to the dr. and they put him on a drug that increased his sex drive. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Maybe it's time to open the doors for some marriage counselling. Seems both of you have forgotten your vows? Maybe let life's everyday stresses get in the way? MC can help and solve this problem. I'm betting there are other issues which has caused problems in the bedroom...Certain needs not being met, communication isn't as good as before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueroses Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 We love eachother and want to be married to one another and we have 2 children but they are from a previouse marriage he was married 3 times befor me,I have asked about counceling but he says no because i have asked several times,He doesnt talk about things or bring things up,gets upset when i try to explain things i think he feels he is wrong and doesnt want to hear anything about himself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 If he wants this marriage to work, he has to try MC. Life isn't easy and marriages take effort to be happy and keep things going nicely. If he can't be bothered to fix what's broken, what's the point in a relationship? TO be miserable and just hangout, be roommates? That's not marriage! And it's not fair to you. He probably is a typical male, doesn't like confrontations, discussions, changes...Well, tough s*** I say! Unless he wants to be alone in life, HE has to make effort! Link to post Share on other sites
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