WildLilly Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 Ok, my husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. Over the past 3-4 years we have had major issues with lots of things. Such as communication, lack of trust from lying about little things, how I deal/cope, the same with him. He has some anger issues and control issues etc. We have been to counseling before many times as a matter of fact. He doesn't care to go to the counselors because he feels they do not help and in the past he has shown that he doesn't want to work on our marraige. Seems like everything else takes priority over his family. Its pretty much always been like this, and I had all but given up. I was at the end of my rope with many things, becasue he simply was not willing to put forth the effort to help our marriage. It became very one sided, and theres lots of resentments there. Some for me because hes not been willing to fix himself, and work on the marraige. I do think he resents me some, for trying to get him to see the things that we were having problems with. He came from a family where no one liked confrontation and hoped that if you ignore a problem it will either go away or fix itself. Its not like that, and he knows it. However, this is what gets me, I know people can change. But about 3 days ago he comes home, acting like he really want to work on the marraige all of a sudden. please understand this was a shock to me, since he was the one for so long that could care less about our marraige. He has been loving, attentive, asking me questions on how he can do better in the marriage, what I wanted him to work on. This has totally come out of the blue. I'm still a little in shock. Like I said I do belive people can change, but thsi turn around all of sudden all at once is just kind of weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he has, but at the same time it makes me wonder why? Is he doing this becasue he thinks theres something in it for him? Does he have a hidden agenda? This is very very out of character for him. Its like he woke up one morning and said "you know what? I'm going change and pull my marraige together with my wife." Is this odd behavior to happen like this all of a sudden? I keep waiting for th other shoe to drop, and while that sounds negative, it usually ends up that how he may act doesn't always last too long. Is he doing this to shut me up for now? Help me out! thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Anytime someone does a complete turn around from what you're used too, then yes, I'm sure thats a shock. However, it can happen and it does happen. Even though this may be a shock to you, its highly possible he does want to turn over a new leaf. Maybe he has been doing some thinking and soul searching on your marriage. I'm not sure what you mean by hidden agenda? I guess, are you meaning he is acting this way because he has another reason behind this change other than wanting to help fix the marriage? What do you think that would be? Anyway, I hope for the sake of your marraige, he does decide to work on the marriage with you. The only thing you can do is just accept the fact that he seems to have changed some right now, and see where things go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 He definitely could be for real. I did sit back and try to think of a negative reason for the change of behavior. The only thing I can think of...and I hesitate to say it...is that he had an illicit relationship...emotional or physical...which has ended. Now he wants to rebuild his marriage. But I truthfully think this is remote. I wouldn't start looking for this. On the positive side, I have many times heard of men and women who have woken up one day and realized what a wonderful partner that they had. This could be behind his change. He suddenly had an epiphany...."I may lose my wife..." and deoesn't want to. Hence the change. My advice is to go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Maybe he talked to a friend or something, or even posted somewhere on a forum and someone opened his eyes. Give him a chance to make things right. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 I agree with all the other posters as well maybe he realized that he better start doing the work or she was going to leave. Maybe he had a wake up call and really realized he better" shvt or get off the pot" It can happen just be patient and be thankful he is trying. I know it sounds too good to be true but go with it . Make sure yuo thank him and compliment him on a good job . Some men have egos and don't like to admit they are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
WildLilly Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Maybe he talked to a friend or something, or even posted somewhere on a forum and someone opened his eyes. Give him a chance to make things right. Thanks so much for your replies. I will give him a chance to make things right. Its been so long since I have wanted this or to see this change. I do think its genuine too, but it just happened out of the blue. So probably best not to question it. JamesM, you know what you said about maybe he had had an illicit realtionship, that did cross my mind. It hurts me to say that, but he has been so angry, hateful, bitter, resentful, and not willing to work on the marriage for so long, that when he started this change, it kind of reminded me of someone who was all happy from something else, or someone else. Maybe as a way to throw me off or something. Anyway, I highly doubt thats the case, but for a split second it did remind me of something like that. Thank you all again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Thanks so much for your replies. I will give him a chance to make things right. Its been so long since I have wanted this or to see this change. I do think its genuine too, but it just happened out of the blue. So probably best not to question it. JamesM, you know what you said about maybe he had had an illicit realtionship, that did cross my mind. It hurts me to say that, but he has been so angry, hateful, bitter, resentful, and not willing to work on the marriage for so long, that when he started this change, it kind of reminded me of someone who was all happy from something else, or someone else. Maybe as a way to throw me off or something. Anyway, I highly doubt thats the case, but for a split second it did remind me of something like that. Thank you all again. Why would you think that he is happy because he was happy because of someone else ? Do you suspect he is cheating? People do change give him the benefit of the doubt till he proves you wrong . It isn't going to happen over night give him a break and take it for what it is. You might be surprized . Link to post Share on other sites
MusicWoman Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I'm sorry to say, but when I first read this post I was thinking that there was a possibility of an affair of some sort. I don't think the acting wierd would be because he just started an affair if thats what it is...i think it would be because he just ended on if anything. Although, he could be legit. Ask him why he changed his mind all of a sudden Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts