How Do You Know If Your In Love?

[Cinia1510]

Hey guys, I know this is quite a general question and "love" is different for all of us but it will be interesting to hear everyone's views . . .

 

Im is desperate need of help and advice!

 

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 and a half years - I thought I loved him - I thought he was "the one" - I moved to England 2 years ago with him and we have brought a house and settled down . .

Now, 2 years down the line, I'm feeling VERY VERY homesick its unbelievable! Its constantly on my mind and I cant get this feeling to go away!

I cant understand why now? . . . 2 years down the line?

 

Has the honeymoon period gone?

 

There are many different issues with this and I dont want to bore you all - but it happened when I went back home (Guernsey) at Christmas . . .

the only "different" things were me finding out my mother's illness has got worse and she cant work anymore -

and I met someone . . . no, nothings happened but I know he likes me and we chat online sometimes - I dont think I like him - but its a nice feeling being liked

 

Since then, Ive been questioning my love for my boyfriend . .

"Do I truly love him?"

"Is he the one?"

"Is this where I want to live?"

"Did I do this too young?"

 

Now . . sex is another issue . . Im 19 and its been ages that I "dont" want to have sex with him - I just do it to keep him happy?

Should it be like that? Already? Wont it just get worse?

Maybe I just see him as more of a friend - I enjoy his company but I dont feel like I want to get intimate with him . . . could it be cause I'm depressed?

 

Can people mistake love for routine? Am I just with him because its easier to stay together?

Am I just with him because I need to be needed?

 

Grrrrr! Please help guys!

I need your views . .

 

Anything I can do to find out if it's love or not?

[JamesM]

Love is more than a feeling, it is a decision.

 

You decided a few years ago that this was the one you wanted to spend time with. Why? (Since you ask so many questions, I will ask you some. LOL).

 

There are times that we all question who we are with, but when push comes to shove, deep down, we cannot imagine life without that person. True love begins with an attraction and a feeling. True love requires a decision and a knowledge that this is the one.

 

Now I know you are saying...Duh, that is my question. How will I know that I have that kind of love? Unfortunately, I do not know your heart. What I can say is that when you were away from him, was it a relief or did you miss him? Just because you are attracted to someone else does not mean that you do not love your bf.

 

You mention depression. It also could be that you are depressed. You want change in life because you figure that this will solve your problems.

 

Now, on the other side of the coin. You are only 19. Sorry, but as you get older, you will know what I mean. You have most of life's decisions ahead of you. This (marriage) is one of the biggest, if not the biggest. Whom you marry will forever determine your course in life even if it ends badly. Remember, he is your boyfriend not your husband.

 

It may be too soon for you to buy a house with anybody. Since you have done so, you have half committed to someone. Either you separate from each other and date other people, or the two of you need to sit down and discuss the future apart or together. I am strong proponent of marriage before cohabitation for many reasons. But one is this type of confusion. A commitment hasn't been completely made, but a partial one has.

 

Sit back and relax. You have time to think. Do not leave this guy for another. Then you will not have given yourself time to think.

 

Hopefully, something here will help you. Your original question...how do you know if it is the right one? The best answer I can give is that...you just know.