a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I went out with my husband again to our favorite haunt last night. Dinner and a few drinks. It is kinda turning into a "Cheers" type place for us. However I seem to make friends with people and will just strike up conversations with others much quicker than my husband. To get the the meat of this: I end up talking to men, only men 99% of the time. I joke with them just like I do with our friends, no real sexual chat but we will joke about sexual things. I do not hide it. Not at all. I will converse right in front of my husband. But the weird thing I noticed is that when I do this he starts fawning all over me and even wants sex no matter how late we get home on week days when we have to get up early. Is my open (non) flirting in some way getting him more turned on and makes him want to do the deed with me? I wonder if he is actually getting jealous because I have so many male friends I chat with at this place? If so is it healthy for him to have to deal with this or should I become a wallflower? a4a- the monkey wants a big banana Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Holy smokes, sorry for the title typo...... the coffee has not kicked in yet...and I think I am still drunk from last night Link to post Share on other sites
too unreal Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I think its the whole "dog with the bone in the backyard" deal..... You know, dog has bone in backyard, knows its there, but when some other dog starts sniffin around it, all of a sudden that bone is the hottest happening bone in the whole neighborhood.... Other men paying attention to you is a silent affirmation to him that "yeah, Im with the hot chick that they all want but only *I* am worthy enough to do this.....(proceed to hot romp) Its a good thing, imo, UNLESS that is the ONLY time he touches you.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 I think its the whole "dog with the bone in the backyard" deal..... You know, dog has bone in backyard, knows its there, but when some other dog starts sniffin around it, all of a sudden that bone is the hottest happening bone in the whole neighborhood.... Other men paying attention to you is a silent affirmation to him that "yeah, Im with the hot chick that they all want but only *I* am worthy enough to do this.....(proceed to hot romp) Its a good thing, imo, UNLESS that is the ONLY time he touches you.... No not the only time but he is quicker to do so after another dog is sniffing his hot treat (me) LOL! I have to wonder though if this is hurting him on a deeper level. It is pretty constant. Hell even the farrier and vet joke around with me about things and are flirty with me. Not just my perception as I have asked witnesses. I don't want to make my H end up feeling like crap. Maybe men like this???? I know I would probably wig out if the shoe were on the other foot. But I don't like any dogs sniffing around his bone at all! Then again he does not bother to chat with skanks so really does not apply. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I have to agree with the above poster. I had an ex that completely ignored me when we were out except when another guy would talk to me. That was the only time he would acknowledge my existence. I don't know how your husband is but I know that my ex viewed me more as a posession or trophy than a person. I doubt, and I hope, that your husband isn't the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
everygirl Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 You know, dog has bone in backyard, knows its there, but when some other dog starts sniffin around it, all of a sudden that bone is the hottest happening bone in the whole neighborhood.... QUOTE] So True! When other men pay attention to me, my husband will pull me closer to him, hold my hand, put his hands in my pockets, something dominering to show them that I am his. Also like a dog peeing his boundries....Oh god, why did I compare it to that? ha ha Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Some men are really turned on by that. In my case, my husband is a little annoyed by it. It does not turn him on. If I even TALK to a guy while out, he says I'm flirting. Sheesh! In your case it sounds like your husband is the exact opposite. Believe me, if it bugged him (like it does mine) he wouldn't be interested in screwing you when you get home. So to me it sounds like he's one of those who actually gets turned on by the attention you receive from males. (Lucky bitch!) Yup, there are really only two kinds of guys where that's concerned..no neutral ground here in my opinion...You have one kind and I have the other. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Yup' date=' there are really only two kinds of guys where that's concerned..no neutral ground here in my opinion...You have one kind and I have the other.[/quote'] I'd agree with Touche' here. I also think they fall into one category or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Holy smokes, sorry for the title typo...... the coffee has not kicked in yet...and I think I am still drunk from last night Yeah, that made me laugh. Then I re-read your title and laughed again! Ah k. As you said, maybe you're more social than he is, so you were just having fun. No harm, just chitchatting...The thing is, HE probably views it a different way. Cuz he knows most of those men were thinking sexual things about you, so your hubby either is claiming you - and that energy is turned into sexual passion for you or that IS how he gets when he's jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Love the dog with a bone analogy. Right on! And he's just marking his territory. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I never liked the sexual energy from coupling with a man who i susing his sex to "claim" you in some way (the you in the general sense). It feels anonymous to me. A year or two ago it wouldn't have mattered, but I guess to me the emotional context of sex has gotten to be way more important for me. I think as a woman you can tell when a man is talking to you because of lust rather than because you are just interesting. The more attractive you are the more you have to deal with this. At this point in my life I don't like it and I hardly associate with my old male friends any more. They seem so fake to me. Ingenuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Some men are really turned on by that. In my case, my husband is a little annoyed by it. It does not turn him on. If I even TALK to a guy while out, he says I'm flirting. Sheesh! In your case it sounds like your husband is the exact opposite. Believe me, if it bugged him (like it does mine) he wouldn't be interested in screwing you when you get home. So to me it sounds like he's one of those who actually gets turned on by the attention you receive from males. (Lucky bitch!) Yup, there are really only two kinds of guys where that's concerned..no neutral ground here in my opinion...You have one kind and I have the other. This is a new thing for him.... he used to just ignore it or never notice. Perhaps since I "layed down the law" aka the TATER he woke up to find that he indeed does have it made with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Yes, it could very well be he was taking you a tad for granted and now realizes what he has in you. He sees that you are attractive to the opposite sex, whereas before he may have been a little oblivious to that fact. Sounds like the tater was the wake-up call he needed! Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 never mind your H's motivations, what is yours? Why do you only chat it up with the men? What reaction were you hoping this would produce in your H? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I have a question. Can people really have life-changing things happen from such things as said "tater" -- I mean, can this actually produce a change in the fundamental way someone relates to others and the way they understand a relatioship? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 never mind your H's motivations, what is yours? Why do you only chat it up with the men? What reaction were you hoping this would produce in your H? To tell you the truth, it's alot easier to just go and chitchat with a guy that you don't know than it is with women. The chitchatting IS NOT meaning "I want to f*** you" in her mind. To her, it's just having a fun conversation and jokin' about. Most women won't go just do idle chitchat with another woman they don't know... And to defend a4a, I don't think she was doing this to 'test' her husband or prove any point. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I have a question. Can people really have life-changing things happen from such things as said "tater" -- I mean, can this actually produce a change in the fundamental way someone relates to others and the way they understand a relatioship? Of COURSE it can, DUH! Didn't they teach you that in Psychology class? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 never mind your H's motivations, what is yours? Why do you only chat it up with the men? What reaction were you hoping this would produce in your H? My motivation is to get laid by as many strange men as possible. While pissing off my husband and emasculate him in any form I can. It just happens to be that our hang out is frequented by more men than women. I had a great chat about Ireland and England. Also learned a bit about where some good local musicians play ect. Group of about 6 of us laughing about the chick that got buck naked in the bar a few weeks back ect...... and the bartender showed me his nipples. This is pretty typical that I hang out with my H and our male friends not in the kitchen with the chickens. I just have more in common with men then I do with women in general......conversations are more enjoyable with them. I think some women have much worse underlying motives than just a guy who chats with you that may or may not be thinking "I wanna tag her". Rather deal with a horny dude in disguise. Last conversation I had with a women in that establishment was great, until her husband put his tongue in my ear LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Could it be that you are, without being aware of it, TRYING to make him jealous?...to get a reaction from him? Or maybe you just REALLY get off on teasing other men. You might like the idea of them wanting you but knowing that they can't have you. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 To tell you the truth, it's alot easier to just go and chitchat with a guy that you don't know than it is with women. The chitchatting IS NOT meaning "I want to f*** you" in her mind. To her, it's just having a fun conversation and jokin' about. Most women won't go just do idle chitchat with another woman they don't know... And to defend a4a, I don't think she was doing this to 'test' her husband or prove any point. Hey, I'll wait to see what she says, however, I don't buy it that it were just random chitchat. She likes the male attention. Not judging, just being realisitic about it. But she can answer for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Hey, I'll wait to see what she says, however, I don't buy it that it were just random chitchat. She likes the male attention. Not judging, just being realisitic about it. But she can answer for herself. Yeah I am a attention whore...... Without stranger/ male validation I just don't want to get up the next day! What men and women cannot talk? I also like hanging out with gay men...... most are a freakin hoot to hang with! And sheese I have had LTRs with women so if I really wanted to piss my H off I could chat with women too........ ummmm a new twist to the thread, aye? It must be our realities exist in different worlds. I would imagine that some men do think : I wanna fruck her. But the bartender actually was hired for our wedding and introduces me and H as this is ________ and his wife a4a. Or this is a4a and her H ________. So that pretty much whacks the hell out of some guy I chat with thinking I am going to get up and go home with him and leave my H sitting there at the bar.... I mean really........ doh! I went in there last night in riding tights, dirty riding boots, hair a mess and wearing a barn jacket...... so not like I am pumping my booty to the beat with a leather mini and 4 inch heels....... but hell maybe the guys are turned on by my riding attire (I will bring my crop next time and really turn em on) Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 You might like the idea of them wanting you but knowing that they can't have you. No they cannot have me... .... and just maybe they do want me... ..and I am thinking that in a way that boosts my H's ego big time. If it does I do not think it is all that unhealthy??? My H is friggin hot...... he does resemble B. Pitt. Men have even said he is good looking (straight ones too) LMAO! I can proudly say "sorry ladies, that one is mine". I actually have a sense of humor and can deal with men talking about giant titties and joking with them about such things. I do not get all bent out of shape by their remarks and can chat about "male" topics. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 What's really wrong with that? Just because someone is married, doesn't mean that one can't enjoy abit of attention once in a while and have a good laugh with someone from the opposite sex. It happens EVERYDAY at the workplace. It's that bit of innocent flirting, laughing and stuff that makes the day abit more fun and makes ya feel good. Doesn't have to be a negative thing either. At my previous job, I worked with just men. It was really fun. I'm pretty good at being one of the boys and the type of humour I have, I don't take s*** the wrong way or get offended, ever. The problem is when you cross the lines and start sexual flirting and it starts to "mean" something more than just fun and laughing. But I can honestly say each person I worked with never ONCE came onto me or took something out of context. But then again, media folks are a different breed in general... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Of COURSE it can' date=' DUH! Didn't they teach you that in Psychology class?[/quote'] Actually I learned that it takes a huge investment of effort to retrain behavioral interactions that have been occuring for several years. As they say in therapy, it took you x number of yeras to get that way, so it will likely take a long time to change your ways in a fundamental manner. Not on the surface or for short periods of time. And thanks for the DUH. Very effective at putting your point across. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 What's really wrong with that? Just because someone is married, doesn't mean that one can't enjoy abit of attention once in a while and have a good laugh with someone from the opposite sex. It happens EVERYDAY at the workplace. It's that bit of innocent flirting, laughing and stuff that makes the day abit more fun and makes ya feel good. Doesn't have to be a negative thing either. ... BTW my H is sitting right next to me the entire time I am chatting with these men...... or laughing and joking with the group of them. I don't even think I am flirting.... just being me. Link to post Share on other sites
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