fairy_dust Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 S/O been togeather for 3 years now, when we first shacked up togeather we talked about alot of things that happen in our past such as how many people we went out with and all the intro type stuff. When he mentioned about hi ex-gf who is a performing artist, I felt feelings of competition as well as being jealous of her. I know it sounds like I shouldn't even care but it seemed that ever since he told me about her and what it is that she has pursued in her life. I feel he has reservations towards me about anything that has to do with her. Why I say this? Because she occasionally email's him, he seems to just leave her messages saved on his inbox. He leaves it there not caring if I read them which is ironic because I appreciate it that he does this. But it's like he is rubbing it in to my face that it's no secret as alot of people would hide or delete emails from there ex. I ask him why do you have her email you? He get's upset and tells me that "she is nothing but a good person and she just emails everybody else to let them know what's going on in her life". That's nice but you see I do not have or allow any of my ex's to email me or get in contact with me period! I feel that it is not respecting my marriage and will interfer. He doesn't see it that way, I asked him a few times if he still loves her or has feelings for her and you know what he does? He just stares at me and gives me a long pause and then says "I'am not gonna answer that question" so I figure if you don't care or love that person you would say "No I do not love them". But I feel he still does, he says he thinks about her quietly in his mind and he tells me this! I mean I cry alone when I think of this and he even get's upset to me when I ask him. "If you still think of her then why don't you call her?" He says telling me in a very tense way "Because you don't let me". **sighs** He is 13 years older than me as he is a grown a$$ man to let me tell him what to do. I feel that he wants me to look like I am being the bad b1tch wife who is denying him to call his ex gf up!!!!!!! it upset's me so bad that not only do I cry but I laugh because it's hurts that much in my head! I love him and I respect him in alot of ways, I take care of him and do as a "good wife" will do for her provider, lover, and best friend etc. But with these things that pop in my head about her and him and what if? and all this other stuff that I shouldn't even be thinking about....it's so bothersome! I don't know why she pops in my head alot and I don't know why I feel a sense of overwhelmness everytime he talks about her or I get the hunch he thinks of her and anything to do with her. But I feel that if this is gonna eat me up then I'm thinking to just end this marriage because I feel that I am depriving him of a greater love he deny's everytime I ask him! What's going on with me? my mind?my emotions? with him? with anything when he brings her up......Please I need advice for this mental and emotional anguish I'am going threw.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 It depends.........how often is he talking about her?? If it's alot, then yeah, I'd have a problem with it. This is not just about you being jealous. This is about him not caring that something that he does/says is causing you pain. It sounds to me alot like you're his second choice and if he could be with her he would. You may want to rethink the relationship as far as what you're getting out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 If you asked, "Do you still love her?" and he did not say "No" then the answer is yes. You are a temporary stopover on his way to her. Don't let him do that to you. And don't be fooled by age. Some people never grow up, no matter how many years they are alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fairy_dust Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 If you asked, "Do you still love her?" and he did not say "No" then the answer is yes. You are a temporary stopover on his way to her. Don't let him do that to you. And don't be fooled by age. Some people never grow up, no matter how many years they are alive. **tears** That's the confusing part.....He tells me he loves me and when I ask him do you see us living old togeather he says "yes" he says he wants me to bare his children all this stuff. I don't know how he thinks based on past responses he has told me. I want to be sure of things with him and if he can't be that honest to give me a straight answer I feel he won't be as straight with me in our union. Link to post Share on other sites
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