motsrobmots Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I am new to this so bare with me. I have been married to W for 8 years now and have two kids 7 and 5. I was previously married and have a daughter 14 from that. Anyway, My wife is an alcoholic and I only get into trouble when I bring it up as she says it is my fault. I was somewhat addicted to online porn for a few months and still in dog house for that. I have tried everything and she offers no physical emotions even hugs, kisses etc. let alone bedroom. Lately I feel like I am unwelcome in our bedroom and sleep downstairs when I am in town as I travel alot on business. I get angry and hurt when I cannot even approach her anymore. Financially I cannot do anything to leave and still hope that she will change as have I. I am so frustrated I can't sleep at night. Help Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 It sounds like she is using you as an excuse to drink. You will need to address this problem before any of the other ones can be fixed. She sounds depressed to me, have you talked about this with her family maybe? Could she be having an affair? I did and I didn't want my H near me at that time. Just a thought. When you say you tried everything, have you sat her down and told her how much you love her, brought her flowers etc? What about the children, do they see her drunk alot? If so, that's not good at all. Do you think you could get her to go to counseling if you went with her? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Were there existing problems in the marriage when you first went online? So you quit, and there are still problems. Was she drinking before you went online? If she quits will the problems still be there? You both need help, your marriage needs help. Talking and only making the visible changes won't solve the deep issues that drive you both farther apart. A professional will be able to help, even if you have to go alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author motsrobmots Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 I know she has gained weight in the last few months and somewhat depressed about that. I don't think she is having an affair as we don't have many friends that would be able to watch the kids while she played...I have sat her down and tried to talk and also sent flowers with a romantic note. She said she felt like I was pressuring her to respond to the flowers gesture. We had our anniversary on Feb. 14 and I didn't even get a card. She never forgets birthdays on anyone and said she forgot what day it was. Kids have maybe seen her drunk once but it was last year and I don't think it registered what was wrong, they are getting older and I am not going to sugarcoat the problem if they ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author motsrobmots Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Not really from my end. She has always had a drinking problem and I thought she would mature out of it but just keeps getting worse. I have asked her mother to speak to her since I can't get thru to her. Each night just gets worse. Link to post Share on other sites
uncool Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I've been in your shoes (except for the drinking part). I dont think the drinking part bugs you as much as the part about no physical relationship with the wife you love. There's nothing worse than loving someone who really doesn't love you back. Thats the part that bites. Yeah my wife likes having a room mate friend also. My wife hates to talk. This is just an idea of what I did: I wrote her a long letter and layed it on the line. At first I wanted to rip in to her, but I revised it once I calmed down and really told her how I felt, how I wanted a soul mate, a loving healthy passionate normal relationship, a good wife(not just a good mother), someone to come home to who missed me, I explained that its what I needed to function at work and to be mentally healthy. then I ended it saying how if my point didn't come accross soon that we would need marraige counseling and how if she rejected that then it could end in divorce. She read it and the next day invited me to stop sleeping on the couch and to come to bed. No sex yet.. but I'll give her some time to stop feeling stupid and come around. If that doesnt happen then counseling etc. etc. if this backfires and you get depressed ... just think about how there's some other awsome woman out there waiting and wanting to share her bed with you as a person she loves and adores. good luck dude. Link to post Share on other sites
uncool Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 p.s. It sounds like it would be easy for you to get custody of the kids w/all the drinking she does. You'd need to get evidence of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author motsrobmots Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 I did talk today w/ her. She says that she has zero sexual desires as she feels fat (who doesn't). She has quit smoking and she feels I haven't supported her on that one, I have done everything but get a parade done. I mentioned that if she could kick one bad habit I had no doubt she could kick the other. Not much reaction on that other than her saying that she thinks I only care about my physical needs. I said that most married folks have a healthy relationship and I wanted one also. Not much happening. Link to post Share on other sites
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