jcollins01 Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 MY husband comes in at 2, 3, 4, or later smelling like smoke and liquor. He has had some problems in the past with alcohol, etc. I am currently 9 months pregnant but am considering moving out with my daughter as soon as she is born. Is this a good choice or should I stay in this relationship and ignore his habits? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 You have hardly given enough information to help you make such a critical life decision. Have you talked to him about this? What was his response? When did you first realize he had a problem? Did he do this before you became pregnant? NO, this is NOT something you should ignore. You need to deal with it promptly and assertively. I suggest you insist he get treatment for his problems immediately. You should also advise him that he has a family and he's far to old to be going out drinking and clubbing every night. If you married a person with this kind of behavior, you have to take some responsiblity here for either making it better or taking your licks and moving on. Was there a particular reason you married an alcoholic? Find out the reason or reasons or you're liable to get into another screwed up relationship. I wish you the very best! Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Sounds like a friend of mine. She was home alone and really pregnant, he was out at the bars, hanging with anyone but HER! HER baby is born now, he is still there but the baby is HERS in means of she does everything for the baby, he does nothing. Keep that in mind when you give birth. You think you don't see him now, wait until your baby is born, you'll never see him. I would jet. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 i agree that you need to see things clearly before you make any move. why is he like this? is it an effort to 'control' you in some perverse way by creating boundaries in your marriage? because if you remain silent, he will know that he can act like this and you won't do or say anything about it. and he will continue doing just as he pleases. he is wrong to stress you out when you're pregnant, your unborn baby is likely to sense your stress. and that is unfair. get to the bottom of it...what exactly his problem is...and work towards fixing it before the birth of your baby, if possible. it is possible that he is just living it up because he is having a hard time dealing with the responsibilities that fatherhood brings. maybe he had his heart set on a son and having a daughter is making him feel sad. who knows? only you can find out what is really going on inside his head. be calm...be kind. and get answers before you decide you're leaving, you owe it to yourself, your baby and your husband to get to the bottom of it before bailing too soon. best of luck to all of you! Link to post Share on other sites
KOTG Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 While i have to agree that there needs to be more communication before you leave, there is also more to this. If during your most vulnerable time he fails to be there for you and your unborn child he is showing you how important the family unit is to him. My wife drove me crazy with requests, cravings, and emotional outbursts when she was very, very pregnant, and i loved every minute of it, because it was my family, and my job as the father of an unborn child was to provide every comfort i could to my wife. I am not telling you to leave your husband, that choice is up to you, but i will tell you this, those moments of craziness and sorts, are some of the most talked about and laughed about times in our marriage, and i wouldn't trade them for anything on this planet and IN MY OPINION if he was going to be a good partner and father, neither would he. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I agree with an above poster that not enough info was provided. If he is leaving you to hang out with the boys cuz that's just more fun- ie he is immature, etc. then maybe you should suggest counselling. But I can understand leaving in this situation if counselling hasn't worked. If he is an alcoholic, he has a disease, and I would encourage you to do everything you can to help him get into rehab. If you have to tell the family, including his parents, what is going on, then do it. Build the both of you a support system and get him help. Now, after sincerely trying to help him, if he isn't ready, then I'd definately recommend leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I suggest you insist he get treatment for his problems immediately. You should also advise him that he has a family and he's far to old to be going out drinking and clubbing every night. If you married a person with this kind of behavior, you have to take some responsiblity here for either making it better or taking your licks and moving on. Here's the thing I will never understand and maybe those of you who are not recovering alcoholics can explain this to me. Why do people alway suggest this to loved ones of people with alcohol problems? Because it never works. I mean, amongst the people I know who are recovering alkies. Which is a lot lately since I'm in AA. Most of them lost the relationships they had while they were drunks. IN any event, OP -- this is your most vulnerable time. This is NOT the time to starge an intervention for your H, or to address his alcohol issues. Since you're about to pop and all that. Hormones raging. I'd retreat to my mom's house to shore up the troops until after the baby's settled in. Link to post Share on other sites
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