Communication in a Marriage..

[KonRyuu]

Ok, I have been noticing in the past few days that I've been a member to this site, that there are a lot of married couples, who's biggest problem seems to be the lack of communication on both sides of the relationship. As a reaction, they go out, onto websites such as this one, asking questions that they should be asking to their spouse. If anyone has any input on this, please, do share.

[JamesM]

IMHO, it is not always easy to ask these questions to the spouse. Why? Because the communication is only part of the problem.

 

Many times these questions are asked of an objective party. Remember when the spouse hears the question, he or she will view it as "how does this affect me?" The resulting answer will either be biased or perceived as biased based on past history.

 

I agree with you that many of these questions should be asked but aren't. For myself I can say that this Board gives me answers so that I may choose different actions or attitudes. This will result in change.

[Sassy]

My most important thing in a relationship is communication without it there is alot of conflict. My s/o has a major issue with this problem in our relationship. If i want to discuss thinks with him , he will feel that i'm pointing the finger and blaming. My s/o is passive aggressive and it drives me batty at times. I feel that i am wasting my time with him . I want communication and he would rather not deal with the issue at hand. He is like this with the kids as well. He would rather give them their way instead of dealing with the issue at hand.I feel at times i am beating my head up against the wall. I am revaluating this relationship and wondering if it is all worth it. It takes two to make or break a marriage and i feel it is only me that is doing the work. I have read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and he has yet to read it. I don't think he wants to work on this relationship anymore and you have to decide whether you want to continue or not.

[Curmudgeon]

Approach is everything!

 

My wife and I have conversations, not confrontations.

 

With the ex I'd regularly be asked such things as, "Did you remember to call the doctor today?" The "Did you..." was a supposition that I hadn't and came across as challenging and somewhat belittling. I was put immediately on the defensive and I reacted defensively.

 

My wife is more prone to ask, "What did the doctor say when you spoke with him today?" That presupposes that I did, in fact, make the call and permits me to maintain my dignity even if I didn't do so. I can get by with a simple, "Oops! Thanks for the reminder."

 

Communiocation is absolutely essential to any good relationship. During the five years my wife and I were friends before we ever went out together for the first time we could talk with one another. Thankfully, that has carried over to our marriage.

 

I wouldn't think of discussing problems in our relationship here except the solved ones to try to help others find solutions by example. I also wouldn't hesitate to talk them over with my wife. It's a matter of trust! It's also a matter of l;ove and loyalty.