ConfusedGal Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 ok, please see my post, anyone move to get away from their parents if you havent. So now my husband got his promotion in the other state I wanted to move to... PROBLEM!!! the job I was relying on out there may not work, which means we may need to be apart for several months until I find a job!!!!!I am suddenly SOOOO scared and forget why I wanted to move from my state in the first place... I have NEVER been this freaked out in my life!!!!! I am like, wow, we both had great jobs here, and I decided that we need to move, because I was sick of it!!! And now! Thats it! Its done!!! There is no going back, and now I wish I could turn back a few days and tell him I dont want to move!!! I dont know what to do! I am the most indecisive person on the planet!! I mean, something I wanted happened and now I am the most unhappy person ever!!! I cant even describe how screwed up I am feeling right now....Please give me advice...Someone, make me feel better cause I feel AWFUL!!!! And I cant change it now...I cant!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Sounds like me.. Human nature is most comfortable with routines, repatition and familiarity. We get bored with it from time to time and think we want or need change and often we do. When our comfort zone is knocked off balance and we are left with a unfamiliar path we panic. It feels like we are walking down a dark narrow gravel road with oak trees barron of leaves alone.. Look at this as a adventure, open your eyes and be open to learning and seeing new things. Look at it as if you are taking a vacation to another place (you are) and you know you have your memories and friendships that are formed to rely on. You need change or you wouldn't have done this. But it set you out of your norm.. Change your thinking and see it as a fun learning adventure.. I have moved 16 times since I graduated from high school almost 20 years ago.. I love the adventure, but I also like the familiar.. I rely on my relationships I developed to be my home-sweet-home. I can call them up in that city, town, country road and bring myself mentally back there and converse with persons I am familiar with to relax me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Hi, Yes, I am being knocked out of the familiar but am also so scared I would have to be separated from my husband until I get a job there...My job here is way too high paying to just ditch and I have tons of educational loans...I feel like because I pushed him for this, i have completely thrown our lives out of whack...We could have just proceeded to buy a house, live compfortably etc...And here I was, wanting nothing more than to move. And now I am like "Where the hell was my practical side?" I cant tell him that, or he will hate me...I feel like I am in the middle of a very bad dream. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 You have to accept the changes. Make the best of them. Highlight and focus on the possitives of the changes.. Its you mind over the matter. Remind yourself of why you wanted this. You will make yourself a Drama Queen if your not careful.. Acceptance is what you need to do now instead of fight the change. Emotionally accept what is happening instead of talking negatively about it. You are your worst enemy.. The power of possitive talk is important right now.. This WILL make you stronger.. This WILL make you self sufficient... This WILL make you more whole... This WILL teach you survival skillss should you need them in the future... Life has no guarentees of comfort and happiness. Being away from your husband will strengthen your relationship if you both chose too. Look at the short distance as a sort of retreat or break to gather yourselfs and renew what it is in each other you fell in love with. Learn how to make decisions on your own because we never know when our partners will be taken away from us in this life.. Look at it as a time to grow, heal, learn, become strong and love more. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 And beyond all that, look at it as a grand adventure, new vistas to explore, new friends to make, new opportunities to excel when it all comes together. I was raised in the military and spent many years in it in my own right. I am currently living in my 36th home since birth and they have spanned four foreign countries and eight states, some of them more than once. It's been fun and interesting. In a few years I'll retire (my wife already has) and we're moving to the opposite coast for my 37th and last home. I can hardly wait. As padameckla said, with the right approach and attitude on both your parts, a temporary separation could be good for your marriage and each of you. More opportunities for growth culminating in being away from divisive family and truly making your home where and what you want it to be. Enjoy the experience, all of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thanks for all of your advice...By the way, I am moving to MN Padameckla... So will be in the same area as you! I am getting better...I keep reminding myself that there is a reason I wanted this...My heart wanted this so badly for the last two years, and I am not the biggest idiot to have wanted this... I mean, I know I have reasons and it will be good for me... Somehow I have always felt like something in life has been missing. I hope this move will help me find it somehow...Not sure how, but hopefully it will! I have calmed down about the job situation. I am a very qualified person and I am sure something great will come along soon enough... I am only 26 (but will be 27 soon)...I need to stop taking life so seriously... I mean, here I am feeling horribly guilty that I will be taking my parents' "future grandchildren" away from them...I dont have any kids nor am I looking to have them anytime soon!! Isnt that silly?? But I am trying to stop myself from feeling that way... I keep reminding myself, sometimes I need to live my life for MYSELF...not my parents all the time. My parents are 53 and 61. THey are not very old, that I need to worry about them all the time. My Dad is still working. I get more worried about my MOm cause she is a house wife and is already bummed that she has no purpose in life and no body loves her...But I need to live MY life I suppose... See, here I go convincing myself again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hi all, OK, I am STILL SO FREAKED about this moving thing...My job situation is messing me up!! I am thinking, why the HELL didnt I think of this before? I make 120k a year, and was paying off my loans, but then convinced my husband to move cause I wanted to be happy "personally" by moving to a different state from my parents and build our own independant world... The job I was relying on there didnt work!! Now we will be separated until I find a job there!!! WHAT THE HELL! THis is NOT the way it was supposed to be!!! Arghhhhhhhh! Please someone help me calm down... I am driving my husband crazy. He is like YOU WANTED this! Now its happening!! You will get a job! Everything is about you you you!! I am driving myself nuts and him nuts!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOO freaked out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Have you been to MN before?? I was born and raised here. I wouldn't want to live anyplace else because MN has everything it can give all in one state.. MN has so much adventure, beauty and peacefulness to offer as well as the fast paced life of the city many crave and want for the conviences and night life... To curb your anxiety. Do Research online about MN. Get your curiosity flowing. Investigate.... The more you know themore comfortable and familiar you will be. **** Change is also good because it will allow you growth.. It will expand your knowledge and your freedom.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 Yeah only problem is I need to GET there and be with my husband which I cant do without a job...I am so frazzled...I really am... Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Yeah only problem is I need to GET there and be with my husband which I cant do without a job...I am so frazzled...I really am... Are you moving to the Metro area (Twin Cities)? If so check out the job listings online. Don't forget about Minnesota Job Bank. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hi Thanks...I am an attorney...Its a small targetted market... Kind of scary. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hi Thanks...I am an attorney...Its a small targetted market... Kind of scary. Ah my gf is a Legal Admin with lots of experience helping a attorney in Fargo, ND.. She has done all the leg work on cases for him and all he had to do was go in front of the judge because he held the license.. She will be in school this summer to get her license and she will also be seeking work here in the twin cities.. I have a resume on Career Builder and I see alot of stuff for Legal admins and sometimes I will get stuff for Attorneys. Maybe check it out. Even the dumbest areas are sometimes where you will strike gold... There are a lot of attorneys in downtown Minneapolis Im sure there is lots of firms seeking more partners. I work for a company that has several firms involved with our business. We have to because we are in the housing industry.. Maybe just doing a yellow page search for attorneys for Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN will give you office numbers to do cold calling to inquire about postions or referrals.. Every bit helps.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Thanks I appreciate it... Well, I have some leads on smaller firms, so I hope something works... Link to post Share on other sites
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