alturrnababe Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Hey everyone...just a question about my H here.Well I have written here before about him going out but I have learned to ignore it and focus on my children instead, as financially, it is not possible for me to leave at the moment.Anyway he plays poker every friday night at a friend's place, and now he's decided to start having it here.Only thing is he's having about 15 or so people here, and I said fine, but joking around" hope there aren't any girls coming"...and he said that there will be! I just feel like it's almost like a party and I'll be upstairs with my kids.I would feel different if it was an all guy poker nite but it's not! ANY advice would be appreciated, I don't know if I'm just being whiny or not(he calls me that alot)...does anyone else think this is peculiar? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Excuse me? It's in your house and he won't allow you to be part of it AND there are going to be other females in YOUR house?? WTF. Your husband is an inconsiderate JERK. He knows he can push you around and you won't do anything that will rock the boat. I'm sorry to sound harsh and I DO feel for your pain and what you go through, it is just tough to sit back and read how he treats you! You, the mother of his kids. You, his wife, his partner. It seems he's just a roommate who can come and go whenever he pleases and couldn't care less about your feelings. If he has this party at YOUR house, you be part of it. Don't disappear from it just because that is what you think he wants or if he tells you that is what he wants! I'm betting too, he probably wants you to make a meal, or supply some sort of spread for HIS guests, but really, not be 'part' of the party later on. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 What WWIU said. He sounds like an ass. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Serve him divorce papers during the party by catching him in the act and make sure you own the house to evict him then and there! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 And I have to say too...If that is really you in your avatar - You're beautiful. So, yeah, I'm with B_O on this too - Your h is an ass! WTF is his problem?? Sooner or later you are going to have to do something about this. You can't go on living life so unhappy and allowing your husband to call the shots 24/7. What does he do for you when he is home? Is he loving? Giving? Nice? How is your sex life? Sorry to be personal, but these are important for you actually because if he isn't meeting your needs, and you're so unhappy, it may be time to leave. Especially if he isn't willling to go to marriage counselling and work on the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 Hey thanks guys...everyone always makes me feel better on this site!!! Yeah, which way, that is really me on my avatar, my sister took that picture in september.Yeah he is being a jerk..and I DO want out....real bad, but, i have 3 kids...nowhere to go and no job.I hate being dependant on this person...he just...seems to dislike me so much, the other nite was out till 4 am and offered zero explanations.I am at wits end...oh and he has a ridiculous temper, that's probably why i don't really start anything, because of the kids.He keeps saying counselling, but we never go,he's always out....pretty much every nite of the week, something is going on in hhis life.I have told him...'choose one-married or single', but it doesn't get through! jerbear, your post made me laugh. which way is up, that was a much needed and lovely compliment on my avatar.thankyou. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 You're welcome. Do you have parents who could help you out? Or even stay with your sister? All I can say is the courts WILL make him pay support no matter what, so if it's the $$ factor you're worried about, that will be taken care of. If it is just fear of being on your own - Well, you're on your own with your kids most of the time anyway! You can do this. He sees your threats as empty and that is why he won't change. Also, start documenting his actions. Keep track of how much is he out, what he does and how he is at home. If you have any proof of him messing around with someone else, keep it all locked up. Even maybe ask your sister to help you on this one. I'm glad we're helping you through this! You shouldn't have to put up with such crap from your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Yeah, which way, that is really me on my avatar, my sister took that picture in september.You've got to be kidding me! You're a dead ringer for Uma!! Uma is the only woman I'd ever leave my wife for......<<<<Mrs. Moose just slapped the back of my head, and said, "I'm calling Harrison right now!>>>>> Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 which way...i have recently been writing down EVERYTHING he does, i bought a special calendar just for this reason.Also I have 400.00 put away, not much, but from my family allowance and money he leaves around the house, I should be able to do it....hell, i could live in a shoebox all alone and be happier.Sometimes it feels like he's taking advantage of me.I TOTALLY agree with what you said about the empty threats.So true.he constantly says he'll 'have me for kidnapping'..lol...but I think maybe he'd lose interest pretty quickly...after all he'd be completely free! Thanks, moose, I've never been compared to uma before. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Thanks, moose, I've never been compared to uma before.WOW.......I find that hard to believe too..... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Stay strong Uma! hehe. You do look like her actually, come to think of it! Moose, you're too funny! Though tell your wife Harrison she's gonna have to share him with me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 hey thanks guys! Now, when H tells me no-one will ever want me anyway, I guess the last laugh will be on him..lol...Uma.Who would have thought? I agree with your wife and which way....i'd break off a piece of Harrison ANY time!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Your husband said no one would want you? That's a hideous way to treat another person. I hope you are able to escape this situation as soon as is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Here's my thoughts. Get dressed to the nines for the party. Go down and enjoy yourself with the women and the other men at the party. Let him see that other men find you attractive- believe me, they will notice you if you're all dressed up. That also lets the other girls know that he has a wife at home. Get a teenager to help with the kids while you enjoy yourself. Be as nice as pie and engaging. That will have them all scratching their heads, even be affectionate to H. Put on a big show! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Wow, 3 kids and still look great! I hate it when guys use the dependency issue on women, one of my pet peeves. Anyway, I would agree with other posts. Do you have good friends or family that you can just pack up and go; up to and including packing up the family bus and taking the kids with you? I would avoid those so call friends that would take advantage of you. If he ever hit you then that is spousal abuse and you should not be subject to that. Yelling matches sting but those are another thing. What did he choose when it came to marriage and being single? Sounds like he is having an open marriage with you being single. It will be hard but if you can, use some time to find a job and slowly get away from being dependent on him. Enlist a friend to help you write a resume, something you have to do eventually, to get the job. jerbear, your post made me laugh. which way is up, that was a much needed and lovely compliment on my avatar.thankyou. Glad I can help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 He keeps saying counselling, but we never go, he's always out....pretty much every nite of the week, something is going on in his life. I have told him...'choose one-married or single', but it doesn't get through! You know alturrna, initially my husband refused marriage counceling. I finally just started on my own. Is that something you'd feel comfortable doing? Because I think it would probably help you. If nothing else, there's comfort to be had in telling your troubles to someone and talking over your options. Speaking of 'talking over your options'.....I'd definately be putting some money away in order to talk to an attorney. I think it's important to cover all your bases. Knowledge is power. No one wants to prevent their partner from enjoying life....but this guy has YOU holding the bag while he's out enjoying his. It's not equal treatment. Personally, I don't think that I'd be able to attend that party without stirring up more trouble. If I was invited....yeah, maybe. If not, I'd be hard pressed not to embarrass him in front of his 'poker buddies' by pointing out what an a*hole he is. If you feel like you might make your situation worse....it'd be better to take the high road. Although not nearly as much FUN!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I just feel like it's almost like a party and I'll be upstairs with my kids....does anyone else think this is peculiar? call a girlfriend to watch the kids over night....anyone, someone, the neighbor. you need party time too....even if ya dont play, you can still join in on the fun. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I'd be hard pressed not to embarrass him in front of his 'poker buddies' by pointing out what an a*hole he is. yes but, shame can be a great couselor on the guity mind. unless they are too prideful they dont get it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Thankyou again EVERYONE who got back to me! mz.pixie,that was an awesome idea! being the 'life of the party' would infuriate, but also bewilder his majesty.....lady jane, i would love to embarrass him infront of his poker buddies...actually i have thought of going to counselling on my own, then at least I will know what i'm doing wrong, and what i can do to correct it, and then the rest really, is up to him,but i don't ever seem him going,and that's fine, because, i just don't think he will ever change! but if counselling can make ME into a better person, then of course, i'm all for it.Anyway I have not said a word about his plans for friday, instinct tells me to stay away and not even say anything , but I think showing up there ( in a ball gown wearing a tiara....lmao) would teach him. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 , but I think showing up there ( in a ball gown wearing a tiara....lmao) would teach him. yeah, and then flirt with all his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I agree with the others you do look Uma . As for your sorry excuse of a h ,don't let him put you out in your own house. I would be there and have the sexiest thing he ever seen and hold your head up high and be the life of the party. Maybe one of the guy's might give you a look and make your h mad. Girls being there and you not allowed to be downstairs that sh@@ wouldn't happen. Why he wouldn't want you there would raise question to what he has with these women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hey thanks Sassy....uma is the ultimate compliment! I would love it if he caught someone displaying 'interest' towards me, though in all honesty- I don't think that i would really know what to do..lol....thumbing my way...I alomost fell off my chair laughing at your post, flirt with his friends....that is a great one! Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hey thanks Sassy....uma is the ultimate compliment! I would love it if he caught someone displaying 'interest' towards me, though in all honesty- I don't think that i would really know what to do..lol....thumbing my way...I alomost fell off my chair laughing at your post, flirt with his friends....that is a great one! I know come down in a hot neglige and high heels and then bend over the men when handing the food out be the hostess and don't care what he says. Show him you are attractive and he is lucky he has you. Most of the time when you get looks from someone it will make them worthy of what they have . Jealousy can be a good thing sometimes. Make him so jealous he will regret how he treats you. Maybe he is afraid someone will look at you and treat you better than he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Sassy, you are hilarious.I can just imagine myself tottering down the stairs in huge heels and a revealing outfit.....i love the bending over part...i might have a hard time not laughing at myself tho!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Sassy, you are hilarious.I can just imagine myself tottering down the stairs in huge heels and a revealing outfit.....i love the bending over part...i might have a hard time not laughing at myself tho!!!! Yeah but can't you see the look on your h's face when you walk down the stairs all decked out with sexy nightys on. Make sure you have stockings and garter on as well and bend over often . That would be priceless the look on his face . He would be so mad at you but jealous at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
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