bicyclejunk Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I've been with my gal a Longggg time. She's the kinda gal who is always talking about how she's a "Fat Horse". She's not, in fact she's 121 lbs., around 5'4" or so. She's got a small frame, she doesn't apppear fat at all, yet she's "self concious girl", so she ALWAYS ALWAYS wears pants. Never will i see her in a pair of Shorts. Fun at the Beach? FORGET IT. Yet she lovvves the beach, loves sea life, loves pools, etc. Now i'll admit, she's not completely 'toned'. Her thighs are a bit on the bigger size, but not crazy. Honestly? She could maybe lose 4-5 pounds around her bottom area....But i love her, and i'm always telling her she's beautiful, i accept her the way she is. But This is going on 6 years now of her just complaining about her "fat ass" (as she calls it) and her "thunder thighs", yet she does nothing about it. She won't go running or jogging with me, cuz she says it's "too hard". Basically, i want her to feel good about herself. I can only tell her she's beautiful so many times....It's not going to change anything. So... How can i get her to exercise so that maybe she'll feel better about herself? And maybe, Just maybe, i'll get her in a bathing suit so we can go to the beach and have fun? I've been thinking about playing more soccer and running again just to stay in shape. you think maybe if i get hardcore into exercise and eating real good and healthy, she'll follow me? Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I've been with my gal a Longggg time. She's the kinda gal who is always talking about how she's a "Fat Horse". She's not, in fact she's 121 lbs., around 5'4" or so. She's got a small frame, she doesn't apppear fat at all, yet she's "self concious girl", so she ALWAYS ALWAYS wears pants. Never will i see her in a pair of Shorts. Fun at the Beach? FORGET IT. Yet she lovvves the beach, loves sea life, loves pools, etc. Now i'll admit, she's not completely 'toned'. Her thighs are a bit on the bigger size, but not crazy. Honestly? She could maybe lose 4-5 pounds around her bottom area....But i love her, and i'm always telling her she's beautiful, i accept her the way she is. But This is going on 6 years now of her just complaining about her "fat ass" (as she calls it) and her "thunder thighs", yet she does nothing about it. She won't go running or jogging with me, cuz she says it's "too hard". Basically, i want her to feel good about herself. I can only tell her she's beautiful so many times....It's not going to change anything. So... How can i get her to exercise so that maybe she'll feel better about herself? And maybe, Just maybe, i'll get her in a bathing suit so we can go to the beach and have fun? I've been thinking about playing more soccer and running again just to stay in shape. you think maybe if i get hardcore into exercise and eating real good and healthy, she'll follow me? Well first, she sounds like pretty much any woman I know.........if that's any consulation. Secondly, I think running or the love of running is a genetic thing. If she's doing it just to lose weight, I doubt she'll keep doing it--it's hard to keep it up if you hate it. My suggestion is to take her out of her element in kind of an 'adventure date'. My ex and I used to have 'adventure dates' every weekend. Now granted we are both outdoorsy people, but at least trying different things she'll discover some form of exercise that she loves. Examples:One AD we dropped our canoe off uphill, drove down and parked, biked to the canoe, picked up a picnic lunch, canoed down to truck and drove back up to pick up the bikes. Another-drove up north w/ our bikes and toured previously unvisited cities-no pressure to keep up with you and more easy going, but still exersising. Took sea kayaks on Lake Superior and winter camped. (I realized I hated kayaking!!) We had the added benefit of having parks around where we camped so we could hike. Anyway, you get the idea............mix it up, disguise it as a date and take care of the details.............and never let her think your motivation is to get her to exersise more. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Climbergirl has some fun ideas! I want to go on an AD with you! How about dancin'? I love to dance, and it just occurred to me that if I do it on a regular basis, it can be great exercise! And you could score some mega points if you want to take it up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I've been thinking about playing more soccer and running again just to stay in shape. you think maybe if i get hardcore into exercise and eating real good and healthy, she'll follow me? I think doing a sport that you both love would help alot. Even go walking! Make it a regular routine to walk together on a daily basis, rain or shine! Cold or whatever. Plus, do some yoga together, that will help tone her muscles and relax her mind. Seems she has insecurities about herself and there isn't much you can do to change that. It has to be her choice to decide to STOP beating up on herself and calling herself fat. I agree with the previous poster, you have approach this carefully because if you don't she will think you're only doing this because YOU think she's fat. Her mind is fragile when it comes to her self image. She needs to gain some self confidence and be happy with who she is. I'm betting she may have some other insecurties too, not just ones about her body weight. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Climbergirl has some fun ideas! I want to go on an AD with you! ,but I'm running out of ideas! Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 In roughly five years together, I tried to get my wife walking, hiking, riding a bike, swimming, dancing, running with me and most of the time it doesn't work. Once a month she can go on a short (one or two hour) bike ride, and that's all. I have never succeeded to get her swimming with me, because she's shy. We went hiking together only twice. Running is out of the question. We used to dance but that's long gone, because she doesn't feel like doing it anylonger. Going for a walk is very rare. The interesting thing is that she used to exercise 10 years ago, but now now. I'm sorry, I can't give you any advice. Just accept that she doesn't exercise. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 ,but I'm running out of ideas! Oh come on!! Surely you can thing of something!! ;) bicyclejunk, I'm guessing you ride bikes? Why not pop for a bike for her, and a book of cool biking paths in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bicyclejunk Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 all great advice, thank you.. one other thing...Is it insensitive of me to feel like she's just being lazy in all of this? She does work early hours and is tired a lot of the time, so she naps during the day...But part of me thinks, there's always time for exercise...You can Make time. We don't have any kids, so we're free to do things for ourselves...so part of me thinks it's just laziness on her part, cuz if she really wanted to, she'd do it, right? right. I'm willing to accept that she doesn;t do the exercise thing, that's fine, i was just trying to see if you all had any pointers and i appreciate your responses. I lover her all the same, i just want to help her some way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I think sometimes it's human nature NOT to do things one must do to keep healthy and feeling good. I am lazy and I HATE walking. I'd rather drive 2 blocks than walk it! But, I don't do that as I know the walking is good for me and makes me feel better, not only physically, but emotionally too. It seems she just needs a gentle push to get her going. I don't think it's insensitive of you to bring up to her that she should DO some active things like walking or doing yoga. I bet if she does this, she'll feel better and have more energy. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Oh come on!! Surely you can thing of something!! ;) quote] No doubt.........I have a low threshhold for boredom! Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 <<one other thing...Is it insensitive of me to feel like she's just being lazy in all of this?>> Ummm.......kind of, but I understand what you feel. My motto; stop moving start dying. However, it's understandable that she is looking at the negative side of 'exercising' and it's hard for her to get motivated. Whereas, maybe you think of it as participating in a more active lifestyle. Feeling alive. I was once asked to describe my activities and how they were important in my life................running-active meditation....my mind is loose/brainstorm.....rockclimbing-focus/ability to block out everything but what is in front of me. I've alway been a runner, but didn't get into climbing until my early 30's. Hence my suggestion to try to experiment so she may find something she is passionate about. I know that you want to help her (and probably help you), but unless you explore WITH her she probably won't take the initiative. Her ultimate goal (or the goal you should wish for her) is not to just exercise to lose weight, but to find something active that makes her feel better for a myriad of reasons. In addendum, though, I am glad that you want what is best for her and not wanting her to do this for you--it seems to me that you really want to share w/her the things that you enjoy. ! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I hate running. I only run when some thing big and scarey is chasing me. Or little and scarey. Scarey being the operative word. Anyways, I really love yoga and pilates, which aren't very exercise-y, and they also help me unwind and get energy after my workday. Just a thought. Maybe you could get her a giftcertificate or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 What's the source or your annoyance with your wife? If it's listening to her whine about her thighs and her ass?...'cause that's an easy enough problem to solve. If it's because you really do think her thighs and ass are too big, that's a whole other problem. If you're addressing the whining, I think it would be completely valid to get a little bit SNARKY with your wife next time this subject comes up. This is a 'put up or shut up' issue. (Believe me I know...because the first couple of times I 'went there', I learned it wasn't going to fly with my husband. He let me know right quickly that he wasn't going to listen to me bitch about my weight...all the while I was sitting on my ASS!!! ) You might remind your wife that she's got an open invitation to join you when you exercize. Remind her that you're prepared to be supportive of any effort she makes on her own. Then tell her you don't want to hear her complain about things she has NO INTENTION of addressing. Tell her that you find it annoying and that you're sick of hearing about it. No need to be particularly pleasant about it either. While you don't want to be a total a*hole...you're going for a certain amount of shock-value. You want to get her attention. You'll probably have to do that a couple of times. AND she's gonna get really ANGRY, sputtering like a wet hen. But she'll stop bringing it up once she realizes that you're not going to change your stance. As far as going to the beach...her clothing choices are just that....her choices. Let her make them. You make your own. When you go to the beach, CHOOSE to have a good time. And don't let her attitude adjust yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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