ponder24 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Just wondering,,,for all those out there who have chosen to never marry,,,how is your life??? Why did you never marry?? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Having been married before I at times have wished I never was married before.... does that count ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponder24 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 yes- what went wrong in a nutshell( if that is possible) I take it you are now single???Do you enjoy "just you" time? Or do you often long for a sig other?? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Both really.. I'm in my 40's.. a little set in my ways and very comfortable being all by myself.. But yes longing for someone to wake up to is also something that I feel.. As humans we are not meant to be "Alone" we are meant to be around people that mean something to us Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 As with A_C I was also married before, but I have no regrets, my kids are briliant. From a partners perspective....... Oddly my last two girlfriends were never married. I met them both when they were 38, one was older than me the other younger when we met. It did puzzle me that they had never even been engaged. Both told me they had had only one serious relationship, and had had sex with only one other man. They seemed to have similarities in their attitude to relationships as well. Neither would do anything romantic, or engage in spontaneous sex play. They both had had certain negatives in their previous R's, one was cheated on the other was taken totally for granted. They seemed to have decided that being with someone was going to be like having a pet. The one I lived with for nearly ten years would actually put the pets before my kids (they didn't live with us)..... I was not a happy bunny..... she has the pets now. They were independent but although they professed how great it all was for them they still behaved as though they were single. That was cool in most respects, I like independent women, but they seemed to think independence involved just doing whatever the hell they felt like. I used to smile a little when they behaved like men! Oh they were both inveterate latecomers, as though they couldn't tell the time... don't know if that is relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I waited until 37 to marry and I probably would not have done so except for 2 reasons well besides the "love" aspect. 1. There are certain built in rights with marriage that regardless if you have POAs ect you just do not have those rights just shacking up. Health care decisions, property rights...nothing like duking it out over your home with snotty relatives trying to get a chunk if your live in SO bites the dust.Or heaven forbid your SO starts cheating and rips off your assets you built together or brought to the table yourself. 2. I did it because it was so important to my spouse for me to make a commitment him. And it was important that we had that commitment to ourselves to keep it together. never married before because I never considered any one person good enough that I could say to and mean " I am willing to, want to, and wish to spend the rest of my life with you". Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponder24 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 I am engaged-soon to wed. I have had cold feet on and off since engaged. I am so lost right now, I dont know what to do. I often wonder what life would be like if it was just me....if I am all I have to think about. But I have never been alone,,,don't really know what it would be like. I think I would be fine,,,I am a very strong person inside. Where I am not strong at all is making decisions. I love my fiance,,,,I am scared of marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Interesting, the woman I "was" after is a few years older than me and had been engaged before only because she broke it off. Older as in 10 years. She tells me that I was the only younger one to ever pursue her and even gave her a compelling offer. Pre-nup of everything we make together. My idea is keep all your eggs in one basket and keep an very tight eye on the basket. (rockefeller, morgan, buffet did that) One is because I can always repurchase it and it is a very clean break. Interesting about the 35+ year olds and never been married, and those with pets. Great perspectives, I need to ponder this more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponder24 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 I am engaged-soon to wed. I have had cold feet on and off since engaged. I am so lost right now, I dont know what to do. I often wonder what life would be like if it was just me....if I am all I have to think about. But I have never been alone,,,don't really know what it would be like. I think I would be fine,,,I am a very strong person inside. Where I am not strong at all is making decisions. I love my fiance,,,,I am scared of marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
It's all good Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I am engaged-soon to wed. I have had cold feet on and off since engaged. I am so lost right now, I dont know what to do. I often wonder what life would be like if it was just me....if I am all I have to think about. But I have never been alone,,,don't really know what it would be like. I think I would be fine,,,I am a very strong person inside. Where I am not strong at all is making decisions. I love my fiance,,,,I am scared of marriage... I think if you have never been alone and wonder what it would be like to be alone then you might want to try it for a while. The last thing you want to do is to get married and committed with out having explored yourself. Later on you may regret not having tried it and it could tear you apart. It's really hard to get alone time when your married. It's really hard to be independant when your married. If your sig. other really loves you they will wait untill you are positive about entering into a marriage. You can't have too many reservations and expect it to be all rosey! Believe me!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I think if you have never been alone and wonder what it would be like to be alone then you might want to try it for a while. The last thing you want to do is to get married and committed with out having explored yourself. Later on you may regret not having tried it and it could tear you apart. It's really hard to get alone time when your married. It's really hard to be independant when your married. If your sig. other really loves you they will wait untill you are positive about entering into a marriage. You can't have too many reservations and expect it to be all rosey! Believe me!!!!! I don't know about expecting the s/o to wait. My fiance has been single for a total of 4 months in the past 11 years. Basically from his junior year in high school. If he told me he needed to feel what it was like to be single, I doubt I would be terribly understanding and willing to wait. There is a difference between saying that you aren't ready to marry, and saying that you want to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponder24 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 I know that is why I am so scared- I never really wanted to get married, but I don't not want to be with him.....I mean I wonder what being myself would be like as well. There are so many "wonders" I am so far into all the planning/ordering,,and the most scary is we just bought a condo together. I just got off the phone with my fiance,,,explained to him AGAIN (we had this discussion 2 weeks ago) about how I am scared,,,,don't know what to do.....he has now had enough,,,he says whatever I want is what he wants,,and that I am sucking the life out of him by being wishy washy. I totally agree 100% I am being horrible...but I cant help it,,I dont want to be this way,,,I wish I could KNOW what it is I want,,not wonder. I have to make a decision like today.....I am very scared,,,,part of me doesnt want to lose him,,,,,cant imagine him being with another,,and part of me will feel weight off my shoulders... Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Noone can tell you with a definite yes or no if you should marry this guy. What you should do, is make an appointment with a pre-marital counselor TODAY. They will be better able to access if you've just got cold feet or are seriously against the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponder24 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 yes you are right-that is what I need to do,, I obviously cant figure it out myself,,I need someone to ask me the right questions...... I bet there is a huge wait though,,,I hope my insurance will cover Link to post Share on other sites
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