37andConfused Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 OK - question for all married men. I have a higher sex drive than my wife (surprise, surprise). My wife is a great lady and wonderful person - been married 11 years now with 3 kids (8,6,2). We have sex at least twice a week, which is not bad after 10 years of marriage. But I have the need to "self gratify" at least twice more a week, sometimes 3x. I have talked to her about the difference in sex drives and have even mentioned to her that i take care of myself at least as often as we have sex. But haven't seen a significant improvement in the frequency. Question is - how many married men in "normal" relationships (ie.-no relationship issues) still masturbate regularly? Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 about every other day. I could care less as long as he's willing when I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Most of them, I'll wager. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Most of them, I'll wager. Only most of them? All of them/us (though I'm not 'married'). Link to post Share on other sites
AmItheOne Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 That can go both ways!!! Men aren't the only ones who don't feel like they get it enough...we women (at least I know I do) have to take care of ourselves more than a few times a week! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Only most of them? What was I thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Even when my husband and I had sex at least every day or sometimes twice a day, he still would get himself going everyday while he showered. It was something I always knew and we talked about, but I would never want to make him feel badly for it. Sometimes I would watch though, turns me on to see a man stroking his stuff. he he Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Two times a week sounds like paradise, with a 2 year old and a 4 year old, my wife is only up for it once or twice a month. In our circa 10 years together I have never turned her down for sex. I've told her 'whenever' and I've lived up to it. She has insomnia sometimes and has woken me up at 3:30 - that's great. Love it. I did have a surgery once when I would not have been technically able to live up to the request, but she didn't ask and I was good to go four days later. Also, if I don't *ahem* take care of business at least twice a week, I have wet dreams which is horribly embarrassing and highly inconvenient erections, so there is a functional element to it. Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Just for practical purposes, where are most of you men when you decide to beat off? Any favorite places? My husband liked the shower... Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 The shower is the perfect alibi: I was cleaning it, didn't know it was loaded, and it just went off in my hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Didn't your parents ever give you guys that talk? "Everyone does it, but NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT!" Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 That can go both ways!!! Men aren't the only ones who don't feel like they get it enough...we women (at least I know I do) have to take care of ourselves more than a few times a week! ditto! Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Didn't your parents ever give you guys that talk? "Everyone does it, but NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT!" Nope....mine caught me a lot and always told me how bad and wrong it was to do such a thing. I didnt let it deter me, however...no worries!! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Nope....mine caught me a lot and always told me how bad and wrong it was to do such a thing. I didnt let it deter me, however...no worries!! Me too! The first thing I really remember my Mom saying to me (I must've been 2 or 3) is "Otter, stop playing with yourself." Personally I think the repetition of that phrase made me a lifelong fan. I always missed the first two words and only heard the last three. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeffrey Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Only on days that end in 'Y' Been with mt DW for 11 years, we have sex 5-7 times/week and I still like my own private time. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I don't keep a running weekly avg or anything but easily 4 to 5 times a week, no matter how much sex I get. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I think if I got sex twice a week, I would rarely masturbate. Since I am lucky if it is twice a month, yes, I do quite often. Wet dreams WOULD be embarassing! Where? In private..wherever that may be. Women, do you mind if your SO watches porn while masturbating? Just curious...of course, I never do. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Women, do you mind if your SO watches porn while masturbating? Just curious...of course, I never do. No, I do. Whats weird though is I watch the weird stuff (things that I would NEVER actually do). :D Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 James, twice a month.... oh my, I am so sorry, you should be keeping yourself happy with twice a month, my goodness. Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 This is a HOT BUTTON topic in our relationship. My Wife is threatened by my "taking care" of myself. I think mainly because I told her I refuse to compromise on how I take care of myself. What I mean by that is that I will not be told where and how I should flog the general. This having been established, I absolutely NEED "visual aids" when taking care of business, this bring up another hot button issue in our home, porn. I told her that I don't need to look at other women to get off, but I do need to look at a naked woman. I suggested that if she could give me some pictures of herself in the nude and preferably in provocative poses, that would do just fine. We don't have a digital camera yet so she laid next to me naked and let me take care of myself, I even was allowed to touch her and kiss her while doing my thing. The whole thing didn't last but 30 sec. tops because I was so exited, unfortunately this was an isolated incident and she has never offered to do that again. The topic has come up again given us men need to release on a regular and with still no digital camera, we seem to be back at square one. Link to post Share on other sites
hadenuff Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Hi all. I'm new here and I really want to get in on this topic before it fades off. I've been married going on 27 years this spring. I have the high sex drive and hubby is quite low sex drive. It's been this way since day one, but I always just accepted it...till about a year ago. I rocked the boat, but that's a whole other topic. Now we're having sex about once a week. I'd rather it was more like 2-3 times a week, but I'll take what I can get. He's been good about initiating it alot of the time, which I'm happy about. He seems to be enjoying it as much as I am, which is a good thing. So everything's been going fairly well...till about a week ago. I'd always suspected that he must have been servicing himself even tho he's in low drive. I even asked about it, but he denied it. Believe it or not the last year of our marriage has been the best sex we've ever had. Some years there was absolutely nothing happening so the fact that we've been having sex on a regular basis the last year is a huge deal. I've been pretty happy about it. Then one night last week he got up in the middle of the night like he often does...to cool off. He does tend to get warm easily and does heat up the bed alot, so he gets up to cool down so he can get back to sleep. Well, this one night I got up while he was stretched out on the sofa in front of the TV. He didn't hear me come down the hallway. I stopped to pet kitty who came to greet me. While I stood there holding the kitty I watched as the hubby channel surfed for about a good 3-4 minutes. I was contemplating how I was going to sneak up on him when I noticed he'd stop his surfing and actually watch what was on if something "interesting" came on. He watched an entire commerical with a bunch of nude people in a pool egging a girl to get undressed and join them. He never watches commercials, but this one he watched to the end. The girl ended up jumping in the water with her bra/panties on. Then he continued to surf. It didn't take long and he came upon a movie that had a woman sitting provocatively on a sofa with a micro mini skirt on and some guy was starting to feel her up. I noticed the hubby watching very intently. Then I couldn't believe my eyes...he was lying on the sofa naked, but had himself covered with a sweater across his chest/groin area. I watched as his hand slid down to his member and he began to play with himself. To be sure I wasn't imagining things and to rule out a possible itch...I continued to watch. It became quite clear very quickly that he was servicing himself to the image of the woman on TV who was now being felt up pretty good by the guy who was with her. I was so stunned and sickened by what I saw I walked up to the hubby and asked him if this was the reason he was getting out of bed at night. I could tell he was really embarrassed and even tried to deny he was doing anything...saying he was just itchy. LOL Problem is the whole scenario sickened me and now I can't get that image of him wanking himself off out of my mind. I hate that he denied what he was doing. I hate that he was jerking off to some other woman. I hate that I'd have sex with him twice a day if he wanted it, but he'd rather lie out on the sofa and wank off to some whore on TV. I hate it and I'm feeling turned off. I was glad I got my period this week so I didn't have to tell him I didn't want him touching me when he initiated sex on Valentine's Day. Let me say, generally speaking I have no problem with masterbation. I do it myself and I've done it often, but only because the hubby hasn't been very available for most of the time. I wouldn't even care if he was doing it so long as I was getting what I wanted from him. But I have a huge problem with him getting himself off in front of the TV...and apparently surfing for any "soft porn" to wank to. I'm disgusted and disappointed. We did talk about it a couple of nights later and at least he didn't deny what I know I saw. However, he claimes he only masterbates about 1-2 times A YEAR. Yeah, right. I know I should be grateful he makes the effort to have sex at least once a week. I am. But I find this middle of the night ploy of his unforgiveable on many levels. Why would he wank off to the image of another woman like that when he could have come back to bed knowing I would have been more than happy to get it on with him? Why would he do this anyway when his lack of sex drive has been such an issue in our marriage? I give him blowjobs EVERY TIME we have sex...so why would he do this? I feel like I've been cheated on and it's tearing me apart. I feel like maybe he's not interested enough in me any more. Any thoughts...words of wisdom, please? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Women, do you mind if your SO watches porn while masturbating? no - sometimes we watch together - neither of us like limits very well Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Hadenough...your concern is definitely worth starting a thread about. Here is my quick response. Is a big part of your sickening feeling because he uses another woman to masturbate to? Do you fear that he finds other women sexier? That is part of why I asked the question. I know my wife would be comparing herself to what I am turned on by. Link to post Share on other sites
hadenuff Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Hadenough...your concern is definitely worth starting a thread about. Here is my quick response. Is a big part of your sickening feeling because he uses another woman to masturbate to? Do you fear that he finds other women sexier? That is part of why I asked the question. I know my wife would be comparing herself to what I am turned on by. Thanks for your response, JamesM. Yes, the sickening feeling I get is because he used another woman to masterbate to. And yes, I fear he may find other women sexier. I talked to him about it again today and he still insists he so RARELY masterbates, but I find that hard to believe. He claims he never thought about the woman he masterbated to nor was he thinking about any other woman. He says he was just doing...not thinking. He also says he didn't get up to masterbate nor did he even think about it...it just happened. I think he's actually trying to get me to believe that it just stood up on its own and things just went on from there. Right. So what/who do men think about when they masterbate? By the way, when I asked him what he thought about when he masterbated, I added that I doubt he was thinking about me at the time...and he didn't respond one way or the other. So I took that to mean that he definitely wasn't thinking about me. I have a question...if men are so easily turned on by "visuals"...then shouldn't my husband get turned on by me? My husband is envied by the guys he works with because I look much younger than my actual age, making him look more like 20 years older than me than the 10 years older he is. I'm slim and in dancer-type shape because of the working out I do. I've never had children so everything's still where it should be. I give myself facials and manicures/pedicures and keep everything well trimmed...if you get my drift. I'm into hair/makeup and he always ga-ga's over me when I'm done up to go out. So why then, especially when we have what's in my opinion, minimal sex...would he have to resort to masterbating to images of other women??? It doesn't make sense to me. I could be his "live" doll anytime he likes...so what would motivate him to choose masterbation with himself over sex with me? Last fall I bought a bunch of sexy new bra/panty ensembles in the hopes of further enticing him, but to no avail. I doubt he's seen me wearing most of it. Early on in the marriage we dabbled in anal sex, which I really enjoyed and recently suggested we get into again...to which he seemed quite interested in. We bought a box of condoms for that purpose and they still sit unopened in the bedroom drawer. I'm up for just about anything and everything, but the man would rather wank himself off in front of the TV in the middle of the night. He says he's tired alot, but apparently not too tired for a good pull on the sofa when I'm nowhere in sight. What do I need to do? Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 But I have the need to "self gratify" at least twice more a week, sometimes 3x. That's it?? Very hard for me to concentrate on work if I don't get one out in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
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