Kenyth Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 First off, I want to make clear that this is a pretty meaningless thread. Just idle conversation, so don't look too deep. I'm not out starting an affair or anything. Once again, I get flirted with today. I'm an IT guy and go out and visit branches doing network or PC work. Today I meet another new young attractive teller. She walks up to me smiling and introduces herself. We shake hands, make eye contact and she won't let go of the hand. In my single days, this would have been a big green light. Girls I asked out in my single days, but were already in relationships, now that they're dating again, make it a point to stop by and smile and chat. Heck, even friends daughters seem to try and find excuses to give me hugs! Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say women fall all over me wherever I go. That's certainly not the case. I'm middle aged, reasonably attractive, but a bit overweight and certainly no Brad Pitt look-alike. So what's the deal? It just seems I notice a lot more flirting now that I'm married. I'm not complaining or anything, but I don't understand. Why do women flirt with you more when you're taken? Is it the challenge? Is it that they feel safer? Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable? Do men seem more needy when they're single? Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills? Give me some ideas on this mystery. Inquiring minds want to know! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 No offense, but is it possible you are reading more into this than the women intend? Sometimes guys tend to misinterpret general warmth & friendliness. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 You're safe, it's a challenge and somebody else wants you. I found the same thing when I married again after having been divorced several years. Divorcing at 48 was also a babe magnet because it seems as if there are 4-6 single/divorced women around that age for every unattached man that age. My wife was 48 when we married (I was 50 then) and had a reputation as an unapproachable Ice Maiden. Men kept their distance, except for me, of course. As soon as we married it was as if men who'd never seemed interested before suddenly discovered that she must be a passionate, intimate woman because she'd married after being single 18 years and they started coming out of the woodwork trying to attract her attention. People are funny! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Why do women flirt with you more when you're taken? Is it the challenge? yes Is it that they feel safer? yes Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable? yes Do men seem more needy when they're single? yes Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills? no Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 So sorry, but from a woman's perspective I have always flirted with men (yes, my mom says I mortified her even when I was a little girl) as I love everything about them! Even the As*holes I find very humorous and love to challenge them. Just for ny own humor sake. It doesn't really matter if they are single or married, when I walk into a room I can immediately know which men LOVE women... personally, I think it's instinctual. I appreciate them, and they appreciate me - it doesn't mean I'm going to DO them, just appreciate them. For some men it might be totally intellectual, or for sarcastic challenges, or for appreciation of a common interest..... I am a huge sports lover - and I think a lot of women don't realise that does create an easy "open door" for conversation with most men.... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Is it the challenge? Is it that they feel safer? Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable? Do men seem more needy when they're single? Yes. To all your questions. Go figure. Men come out of the womb and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in. Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Yes. To all your questions. Go figure. Men come out of the womb and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: does that explain why one of my favorite guy friends tells me I remind him of his mother - who he adored? Can't quite figure out what that is supposed to mean! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think if two people are secure in their relationships, flirting is fun and both know it is completely harmless and meaningless, yet it just brings a smile to the face - That is all. For instance my old job, I worked with just men. Ofcourse the conversation goes places and really it wasn't like "oh he's coming on to me, or ohhh look, she likes me!" it was more sharing stuff, being stupid and silly. Not once did I think any of them liked me more than they should have. It was pure harmless immature fun - Which we all need a daily dose of!! I believe too, you know which ones to stay away from and which ones WILL take it to the next level. There isn't any reason why it has to go somewhere. I agree with the others too. And throw in some ego. WE all liked to be 'desired' abit by people. Married or not. Just gotta keep it in perspective, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kenyth Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 It means you won't be having much romantic interest in him. A comment like that is a real chemistry killer with a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think the more a married man also talks about his wife in front of other women gets that married man more attention. If you talk about how wonderful, attractive, the activities you do with your wife..... vacations ect. Many women think " I want to be his wife". a4a- I am taking my pants off and you cannot stop me Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You know, I never got flirted with before I was married. No, seriously, never. When I got married nothing changed. Still, no one ever flirted with me. Then I ventured into my 30s and moved up a bit in my career and its getting kind of ridiculous now. I get flirted with a lot and sometimes its a little flattering, but sometimes its kind of annoying, especially if its really overt and it someone who knows I'm married. But the worst was when my 2 year old was a baby and I'd be out in the jogging stroller with him and his brother (two years older - so a baby and a 2ish year old). I'd go for a run and then stop for a coffee (real coffee, like made with coffee grounds and hot water - not a Starbucks triple decaf no fat banana mint cream pie jamocachino, sheesh I'm not a total yuppie or something) and not only would all women fawn over my baby (who, among babies was insanely cute - he had and still has huge, brilliant blue eyes and a lady-killing smile and he *knows* it). But they would hit on me as if I was somehow single and if I WAS a single father, like I'd be doing ANYTHING extra when I had a baby and a toddler to take care of. I mean really ridiculous there. I think actually a major part of this is that there is a highly annoying double standard in our western civ where some of the aging signs are considered unattractive in woman but attactive in men. So when you get older as a guy you become more physically desirable along with other factors previously mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Is it that they feel safer? Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills? Those are the reasons I flirt with the IT guys, except for the young stud who thinks he's God's gift to women, for some reason I try to find reasons to emasculate him a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You are assumed to be 'safe'. You meaning the married guys. I'm not sure why, though! Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 NO offense, but do some of you men think that maybe women are just being friendly? I have been in situations before where genuine friendliness has been mistaken for flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Kenyth, My wife agrees with you that married man are attractive for those reasons: 1. you are a tested product (good for a husband), 2. taboo. Plus, regardless of being married or not, she thinks that ladies may do it because they know you will get the job done better, and you might be a handsome guy. Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Sorry to tell you this tweldly - but anyone one the planet knows that a baby or a puppy is bound to attract ANY woman within three miles radius! It's just a fact! Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You mean its not the spandex and running shoes? Link to post Share on other sites
Bob Dole Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Hey Kenyth: Have you considered that what's changed might be *YOU* ? In other words - that its not your marital status ... but changes in your own self-confidence, perhaps based in part on your marriage, and your maturity? Just a thought. I've seen it in my own little world. To steal from Aerosmith, I was your basic "high school loser that never made it with the ladies." Seriously. 20 years later I'm about to marry a girl who in another lifetime I would have considered way outta my league. A decade younger and she was litterally the prom queen and captain of the cheerleaders. The complete cliche. Of course, to me she's just my Valentine. I'm the same guy. Still not tall, still not Harrison Ford. But rarely a day goes by that I'm not openly approached by an attractive woman. I think you're right about some of your theories: I am now "safe," and the fact that I have a mate may confirm some desirability. Plus, as someone noted above, men *DO* become more attractive with age. Partly because we're wiser and more mature, partly because we're more established in life (women want a provider - it's genetic and evolutionary if you ask me). But in my case, I think the main change is just ... me. In my 30s, even with all my shortcomings, I know I can succeed with the fairer sex. When I meet attractive women, they're people to me now, not scary objects or goddesses on pedastals. I smile and look them in the eye. I have confidence in myself as a man, because of my age, and experience. Sure it ain't the same with you? In other words, maybe marriage and love have created in you a confidence around women that women just find appealing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kenyth Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 NO offense, but do some of you men think that maybe women are just being friendly? I have been in situations before where genuine friendliness has been mistaken for flirting. This could very well be. The line between friendly and flirty can be pretty thin. I'm fairly certain most of what I take as flirting, is flirting. There's a certain feel to flirting that's unmistakable. A lot of the flirting women are married also. I get the feeling a lot of it is just for fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I have been thinking about this discussion. I removed my wedding ring last month when I found out my husband was having an affair. I have noticed that men (strangers) are a lot friendlier when you aren't wearing a wedding ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts