[Kenyth]

First off, I want to make clear that this is a pretty meaningless thread. Just idle conversation, so don't look too deep. I'm not out starting an affair or anything.

Once again, I get flirted with today. I'm an IT guy and go out and visit branches doing network or PC work. Today I meet another new young attractive teller. She walks up to me smiling and introduces herself. We shake hands, make eye contact and she won't let go of the hand. In my single days, this would have been a big green light. Girls I asked out in my single days, but were already in relationships, now that they're dating again, make it a point to stop by and smile and chat. Heck, even friends daughters seem to try and find excuses to give me hugs!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say women fall all over me wherever I go. That's certainly not the case. I'm middle aged, reasonably attractive, but a bit overweight and certainly no Brad Pitt look-alike. So what's the deal? It just seems I notice a lot more flirting now that I'm married. I'm not complaining or anything, but I don't understand. Why do women flirt with you more when you're taken? Is it the challenge? Is it that they feel safer? Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable? Do men seem more needy when they're single? Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills?


Give me some ideas on this mystery. Inquiring minds want to know!

No offense, but is it possible you are reading more into this than the women intend? Sometimes guys tend to misinterpret general warmth & friendliness.

[Curmudgeon]

You're safe, it's a challenge and somebody else wants you.

I found the same thing when I married again after having been divorced several years. Divorcing at 48 was also a babe magnet because it seems as if there are 4-6 single/divorced women around that age for every unattached man that age.

My wife was 48 when we married (I was 50 then) and had a reputation as an unapproachable Ice Maiden. Men kept their distance, except for me, of course. As soon as we married it was as if men who'd never seemed interested before suddenly discovered that she must be a passionate, intimate woman because she'd married after being single 18 years and they started coming out of the woodwork trying to attract her attention.

People are funny!

[alphamale]

Originally Posted by Kenyth

Why do women flirt with you more when you're taken? Is it the challenge?

yes

Originally Posted by Kenyth

Is it that they feel safer?

yes

Originally Posted by Kenyth

Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable?

yes

Originally Posted by Kenyth

Do men seem more needy when they're single?

yes

Originally Posted by Kenyth

Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills?

no

[cal gal]

So sorry, but from a woman's perspective I have always flirted with men (yes, my mom says I mortified her even when I was a little girl) as I love everything about them!

Even the As*holes I find very humorous and love to challenge them. Just for ny own humor sake.

It doesn't really matter if they are single or married, when I walk into a room I can immediately know which men LOVE women... personally, I think it's instinctual.

I appreciate them, and they appreciate me - it doesn't mean I'm going to DO them, just appreciate them.

For some men it might be totally intellectual, or for sarcastic challenges, or for appreciation of a common interest.....

I am a huge sports lover - and I think a lot of women don't realise that does create an easy "open door" for conversation with most men....

[Yamaha]

Is it the challenge? Is it that they feel safer? Does being taken make you more appealing because if someone want's you enough to marry you, you must be desirable? Do men seem more needy when they're single?

Yes. To all your questions.
Go figure. Men come out of the womb and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in.

[cal gal]

Originally Posted by Yamaha

Yes. To all your questions.
Go figure. Men come out of the womb and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in.

does that explain why one of my favorite guy friends tells me I remind him of his mother - who he adored?

Can't quite figure out what that is supposed to mean!

[whichwayisup]

I think if two people are secure in their relationships, flirting is fun and both know it is completely harmless and meaningless, yet it just brings a smile to the face - That is all.

For instance my old job, I worked with just men. Ofcourse the conversation goes places and really it wasn't like "oh he's coming on to me, or ohhh look, she likes me!" it was more sharing stuff, being stupid and silly. Not once did I think any of them liked me more than they should have. It was pure harmless immature fun - Which we all need a daily dose of!!

I believe too, you know which ones to stay away from and which ones WILL take it to the next level. There isn't any reason why it has to go somewhere.

I agree with the others too. And throw in some ego. WE all liked to be 'desired' abit by people. Married or not. Just gotta keep it in perspective, that's all.

[Kenyth]

It means you won't be having much romantic interest in him. A comment like that is a real chemistry killer with a woman.

[a4a]

I think the more a married man also talks about his wife in front of other women gets that married man more attention. If you talk about how wonderful, attractive, the activities you do with your wife..... vacations ect.
Many women think " I want to be his wife".

a4a- I am taking my pants off and you cannot stop me

[tweldy]

You know, I never got flirted with before I was married. No, seriously, never. When I got married nothing changed. Still, no one ever flirted with me. Then I ventured into my 30s and moved up a bit in my career and its getting kind of ridiculous now. I get flirted with a lot and sometimes its a little flattering, but sometimes its kind of annoying, especially if its really overt and it someone who knows I'm married.

But the worst was when my 2 year old was a baby and I'd be out in the jogging stroller with him and his brother (two years older - so a baby and a 2ish year old). I'd go for a run and then stop for a coffee (real coffee, like made with coffee grounds and hot water - not a Starbucks triple decaf no fat banana mint cream pie jamocachino, sheesh I'm not a total yuppie or something) and not only would all women fawn over my baby (who, among babies was insanely cute - he had and still has huge, brilliant blue eyes and a lady-killing smile and he *knows* it). But they would hit on me as if I was somehow single and if I WAS a single father, like I'd be doing ANYTHING extra when I had a baby and a toddler to take care of. I mean really ridiculous there.

I think actually a major part of this is that there is a highly annoying double standard in our western civ where some of the aging signs are considered unattractive in woman but attactive in men. So when you get older as a guy you become more physically desirable along with other factors previously mentioned.

[brashgal]

Is it that they feel safer? Are they just trying to sweet talk me for my computer skills?

Those are the reasons I flirt with the IT guys, except for the young stud who thinks he's God's gift to women, for some reason I try to find reasons to emasculate him a bit.

[My_Other_I]

You are assumed to be 'safe'. You meaning the married guys. I'm not sure why, though!

[Chump64]

NO offense, but do some of you men think that maybe women are just being friendly? I have been in situations before where genuine friendliness has been mistaken for flirting.

[Presario]

Kenyth,

My wife agrees with you that married man are attractive for those reasons:
1. you are a tested product (good for a husband),
2. taboo.

Plus, regardless of being married or not, she thinks that ladies may do it because they know you will get the job done better, and you might be a handsome guy.