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Adding to my problem posted elsewhere a long running issue in my marriage has been sex between my wife and I.

 

We've never really had a very active sex life but certainly more in the past that what we do now. What became an issue over the last few years is how long I last during sex. The problem is too long. My wife always climaxes before me and considers it offensive that I haven't and often sex ends in her having a strop and turning her back on me.

 

Because she makes such an issue of it I no longer feel like I can relax during sex, I'm basically praying for quick ejaculation which obviously makes it worse!!

 

No matter how much I reassure my wife that she is pleasing me (and she really is) she doesn't listen. She can't seem to go on those extra few minutes that I need. As a result it's been 4/5 years since I last climaxed during sex and it's something I almost feel ashamed of.

 

Has anyone experienced this and can give me any advice.

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It sounds like your wife isn't trusting you when you tell her that you are enjoying it. Does she distrust you in other areas of your life? If you have a dinner she made and you ate less than normal and said, in all truth, that it was very satisfying and that you are full, how would she react? Did she have some very negative relationships or sexual experience before you?

 

A good friend of mine was dating a woman who, in college, went back to her room with a guy and when she got naked essentially expressed that she was unattractive and was no longer interested in sex. She had horrific issues with feeling unattractive and it was a major problem in their relationship. Could your wife have had some sort of similar reaction to a previous experience, even if not sexual?

 

What would happen if you sat her down and spoke honestly about your sadness about your sexual relationship? Would she listen or be defensive? Would it help to have some literature that explains the changes in a man's sexual response as he ages, because you'll find that your experience of taking longer is common, probably highly normal.

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