Ladylay Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Hi new here but lurked for a while:D Just wondered what your views are on open marriages.? Is anybody here in one, ? I would appreciate any experienced persons take on the idea. Thankyou. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I personally don't understand why someone would get married if they want more than one partner. Marriage is supposed to mean TWO people showing their love for eachother, not sharing it with other people. BUT...If both parties agree to an open marriage, set up rules and boundries and agree to it, then I guess it could work. The thing is, how do you control the feelings? Are you thinking of trying this out? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I have seen 3 of those open marriage arrangements... all three turned into open divorces. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Hey wwiu I have been married for many years, My oh and I were very young when we wed. After we had been married three years, my o.h went to work oversees. I chose to stay in the U.K. so we were apart allot.Following yet another months work separation we sat and had a big heart-to heart. decided we loved each other dearly , but missed physical contact. I put forward the suggestion we have an open marriage I.e. sex with no strings.After a long in-depth discussion, we decided the route to take was "prostitutes" We didn't want to run the risk of a third person getting emotionally involved. This scenario worked when his assignment finished two years later, we resumed life as normal.[btw he told me every encounter] A couple of years later our sex life was drying up so we decided to introduce some spice by having threesomes.We travelled abroad and have had many encounters. All good The dilemma I have is that I have been having this mild flirtation with a guy, he lives a distance away from me. [My Oh knows of my feelings for him] My feelings are "lust" which the og knows and he feels the same. although it is stepping out of the boundaries we originally set my oh is happy for me to experiment. I however don't know what to do, can women be emotionally un-attached? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 No, I don't believe so. It's only a matter of time before emotions, feelings are felt and the heart takes over. You and your husband should try some marriage counselling. Don't put so much focus on sex. I mean, how is the rest of your relationship? Does he treat you well? Does he make you happy? Does he meet all your needs? Also, do you plan on having children with him? If so, I honestly don't believe that having an open marriage is right especially if children are involved. What you'll be teaching your child is NOT family values and what a family is about. Becareful with his other guy, you say you have some feelings for him. What happens if you fall inlove with him? What happens if your husband falls for someone else? The marriage will be over... You both need to sit down and talk. Figure out what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I have seen 3 of those open marriage arrangements... all three turned into open divorces. did they get a group discount on the attorney fees? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 You and your husband should try some marriage counselling. Don't put so much focus on sex. I mean, how is the rest of your relationship? Does he treat you well? Does he make you happy? Does he meet all your needs? . We have a fantastic relationship in every way. We are both have really high sex drives. and when work commitments mean we are apart we find it hard going. Becareful with his other guy, you say you have some feelings for him. What happens if you fall inlove with him?He knows the score And lives far enough away that it would not become a full blown affair. We have met twice, and never gone "All the way" I guess I just fancy seeing what it is like with a different guy. [that makes me sound really bad] Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I see divorce in your future. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 isn't this what they call the "slippery slope" lol? Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Well, I think that using sex with another person to spice up your sex life with your husband is a bad idea. Things between your husband and yourself need to be delt with before turning to someone else. Though I have not formulated an opinion about the long absences situation. I personally think it is fine to love more than one person, but since you are in a relationship where you agree to love only each other then having outside sex can be problematic. Having any kind of regular sex partner can end up in emotions being formed. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 We have a fantastic relationship in every way. We are both have really high sex drives. and when work commitments mean we are apart we find it hard going. He knows the score And lives far enough away that it would not become a full blown affair. We have met twice, and never gone "All the way" I guess I just fancy seeing what it is like with a different guy. [that makes me sound really bad] So when you two are apart, neither of you can or won't control your sexual urges? I mean, MANY people somehow manage this. Hockey players wives, baseball etc...Being a DR's wife...Ya learn how to compromise and focus on the time together, making it worthwhile...Not going out and banging someone because you're lonely or horny. I just think this is going to lead to alot of heartache for both of you. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you both can handle it, but the fact you have already said you have feelings for someone else, that is a huge red flag. To spice up your sex life, use porn. For loneliness, make some girl friends, do hobbies, join a group of people who are OUT and active in something you find enjoyable (not sex related) and also get a dog. Leaning on friends is important, but having sex with others isn't. I'm not judging you, I just fear that someday all this will go wrong and both you and your husband won't see it coming when things end...There is love between you two right now. Hold on to it and really re-think this 3-some stuff and having an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Well, I think that using sex with another person to spice up your sex life with your husband is a bad idea. Things between your husband and yourself need to be delt with before turning to someone else. Though I have not formulated an opinion about the long absences situation. I personally think it is fine to love more than one person, but since you are in a relationship where you agree to love only each other then having outside sex can be problematic. Having any kind of regular sex partner can end up in emotions being formed. hey aren't you considering being a 3rd to a marriage yourself? I'm just curious...what's the difference? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I put forward the suggestion we have an open marriage I.e. sex with no strings.After a long in-depth discussion, we decided the route to take was "prostitutes" We didn't want to run the risk of a third person getting emotionally involved. you said 'he told me of every encounter'--what about your encounters? did you use prostitutes too? or was this just for him and you stayed celibate during that time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 Hi Cygny you said 'he told me of every encounter'--what about your encounters? did you use prostitutes too? or was this just for him and you stayed celibate during that time? I actually stayed celibate, sexually. [but did encounter a few steamy clinches] I was to busy doing other things.Although tempted, I was not the one living in a hotel away from Family and freinds. Hi WWIU I'm not judging you, I just fear that someday all this will go wrong and both you and your husband won't see it coming when things end...There is love between you two right now. Hold on to it and really re-think this 3-some stuff and having an open marriage. We have been doing this on and off for the last eighteen years. We are now apart again until May2006 .Five months for both of us is a long time for the "human touch" Masturbation, porn are fine , for the short term its just about human contact, Sexual gratification. Maybe I am oversexed , I dont know, I keep myself busy work, friends , etc I just have needs which "Jessica rabbitt" cant fill on her own [god i sound like a slut.] Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 no, you don't sound like a slut, what it sounds like is that you have given your husband permission to screw prostitutes on his travels while you stay at home celibate with family and friends. and now you are wondering about whether to 'venture forth' a bit yourself. isn't that the case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 and now you are wondering about whether to 'venture forth' a bit yourself. isn't that the case? Yes I think you are right. God thankyou for that.Its not exactly a conversation you can slip in with,friends inbetween hob-nobs and a cup of tea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 I just noticed a flower by my name what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 hey aren't you considering being a 3rd to a marriage yourself? I'm just curious...what's the difference? Yeah, but the situation I am getting into is not just sex. I would define "open" marriages to be one in which the partners are allowed to have outside sex with no emotion. On the other hand, what I am involved with is more about emotion than sex. I am having a relationship with both of the people. They are confident in their love for each other and that they can have feelings for another person. I think that with someone who adheres to the idea of only loving one person that outside sex is very dangerous, especially when done seperately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladylay Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 I think that with someone who adheres to the idea of only loving one person that outside sex is very dangerous, especially when done seperately. We have also done it together.Paying for a service for me, anyway is devoid of emotion.[ouch that sounds harsh].It is a way to have sex without any emotion attached.. As a consenting adult, it is your choice but surely someone will get hurt. I was contemplating having a no-strings sex-fest with someone for fun.Following the advice here[thankyou guys]. I think they are right ,I couldn't do it without getting emotionally involved. *sigh* *dusts down Jessica* Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 My answer to the original question is, sure. Open marriages CAN work. But would I bet the house on it? Nope. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts