mommylapat Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I am a 29 year old woman with a 6 month old son. I met my husband almost 3 years ago. We dated for about 2 years before he asked me to marry him. We had problems from the very beginning, but I kept hoping with time things would get better. Now I have reached the end of my rope and am scared of losing my son to someone I know does not care enough to spend time with him. He has a 7 year old son from a previous marriage that he hardly spends time with, and when he does have him someone else watches him. I do not want my son growing up being babysat by grandma or auntie Laura on daddy's visitation. I want to raise my son. Now my husband wants to play dirty when we argue using my son against me. It took me 10 years to get pregnant, this baby is my miracle and I am not about to lose him. My husband works at least 60 plus hours a week, when he is home he is on the computer, or sleeping. He has never gotten up with our son, and never wants to do anyhting with him unless people are around. He wants everyone to think he is super dad and husband, truth is he's neither. I also believe one of our problems is that he has ADHD. He has severe problems, one of which is dealing with issues. Forget counseling or talking, I've tried both and they do not work. Actually, we haven't tried counseling, but i've asked him to go and he says he can't afford it. I am at the point of divorce. I have contacted legal aid online and hope to get some advice from them soon. Please help me anyway you can. I really need to know what I should do. I admit I am not perfect, but fighting all the time, especially with my son around is not what I want. I need to get out, but i'm scared. I have noone to turn to. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 consider getting some counseling just for yourself. Perhaps your husband will then follow your lead. Even if he doesn't, you may benefit. If things still can't be worked out at least you'll know you've left no0 stone unturned to try to make the marriage work. There's a benefit to that ~~ you can forever after look back and honestly say, "No regrets!" Link to post Share on other sites
zenolith Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 From a legal standpoint; document everything. Sounds like you might be in a custody battle before long. Keep a journal about anything you think might be useful in court (and keep multiple copies). If you don't know what to document find a good book on winning custody in your state and write down what the book says is important. You may be at a slight disadvantage if he can hire an experienced attorney so you need to be very careful not to screw up and you need to make the case easy to win--which means documenting things like his lack of concern for the other son, his unwillingness to go to counseling (if appropriate) etc. Link to post Share on other sites
vampira Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It's difficult to know what to say. I think though just try and focus on your son. Be the best mother you can. It may be a grim reality that you're in where your husband doesnt give your son the love and attention he deserves, but your baby needs it from you. Your son is your top priority. And who knows, perhaps your husband is just having difficulty with the transition into full-time parenthood. Afterall, your son is still very young. With time and gentle encouragement (plus the example of good parenting from you) maybe he will learn to understand what a great gift he has too. Link to post Share on other sites
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