km Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Just venting here -- I've always loved being a loner, but it makes me take to the 'net when I have something to get off my chest... I've been with my husband for 21 years, married for 14. I NEVER had anger in me until I'd been with him for a while, and his CONSTANT anger (unpredictable) finally rubbed off on me. Now I am an angry person, dammit, but I'm trying to not be. Tonight, because I didn't correctly phrase the way I asked him if he knew where the checkbook was (I think I said, "Do you remember when's the last time you used the checkbook?" or something). He got pissed off that I was accusing him of using it without my knowledge (when that was not at all what I was doing), and tells me I should have asked, "Do you know where the checkbook is?". What's the f*ckin' difference? I was NOT accusing him - I was actually afraid that I had misplaced it. But, no matter how I tried to tell him that he was overreacting (because he started raising his voice, I started raising mine in response, and it became a yelling match because I yell, now, when I don't think he's listening to me), he kept accusing me of accusing him. I know I should just STOP, in those situations -- but he SO PISSES ME OFF. He's always so sure he's right when, frequently, he's SO FREAKIN' WRONG. But he never apologizes, and never backs down and I'm so sick of always being the one who does. We can go from being loving one day to me hating his f'ing guts the next. It's tiring. Someone else recently posted, "Do you ever wish you were single again?" and, for me, YES. Not so I could be with someone else, but just so I could be alone with my dog, and have some PEACE. I resent that he made me this way. If I'd realized he was doing it, I could've stopped it. Now, it's really hard to change. I know I have to. I know only I can change. But I'm tired of being the only one who gives a damn or thinks about how we interact. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I feel for you. I'm in a rotten mood myself. Hubby and I are commonlaw, 13 years. Or is it 12! LOL! Nah... The key is to breathe through it and control your own emotions and reactions. You don't have control over his and what he does/feels/thinks. Yes, it's bloody annoying as all heck, but what I've learned to do most of the time is let him be how he is going to be...I change my attitude to better and serve myself. (Not that I should talk right now as I'm seeing RED big time. Take a look at my rant in the rant/confession section with the thread "it's coming...she's gonna blow!) You love him but right now you dislike him alot. Hate is the wrong word and too strong to use...I understand and feel your frustration. Chalk it up to a bad day and know that things will get better. Sometimes, like in this minute, I DO wish I was single. To be free! But then my good senses kick in and I know I'd never want anybody else but him and my life would not be the same if he wasn't around. I do love him! Just right now I don't feel it very strongly. I guess it's those who we love most that brings out that anger and passion out in us. I hope things get better for you and tomorrow is a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Sorry that you both are not liking your man at this point but i can so relate with you on that.. I feel the same way you all do and sometimes wish would it be better to be single again and not have all the headache .. Atleast WWIU you can just walk away me i have alot to go through to get out of mine!! lol:laugh: Yeah my h but boy can he be one real pain in the a@@at times...Really can drive me banannas sometimes and my daughter can be just like him too!! I am taking her to counseling for hers though cause she isn't going to have his angry a@@ temper and short fuse.. Hang in there if you all need someone to talk with pm me and we will chat .. Talking stuff out usually helps me .. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I can't just walk away. We're common law married and honestly we do feel married, just minus the wedding...We treat this as a marriage. After 13 years it is a marriage in almost every sense. I wonder if it's a full moon or something... Link to post Share on other sites
Author km Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 Sheesh, maybe it is the moon, or something in the air. Thanks for the reply -- helps to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. You nailed it about not wanting anyone else and realizing you'd miss him if you were single, and you're right about having to learn how to control it and just take care of my own head. Sounds like we're having the same night. Wish I could be the one to always take the high road, but I REALLY have learned some bad lessons over the years. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I can't just walk away. We're common law married and honestly we do feel married, just minus the wedding...We treat this as a marriage. After 13 years it is a marriage in almost every sense. I wonder if it's a full moon or something... You know what i meant the hassle of the lawyers and all .. Wasn't bashing or anything sorry if i made it sound that way.. Could be a full moon who knows !! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Nah it's okay, I know I'm more sensitive right now and I have to know to be careful and not take things the wrong way from others. Just glad the day crew isn't around, I'm sure afew would be pushing my buttons! hehe... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Nah it's okay, I know I'm more sensitive right now and I have to know to be careful and not take things the wrong way from others. Just glad the day crew isn't around, I'm sure afew would be pushing my buttons! hehe... LOL!! Alpha for one Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Nah, I wasn't thinking him... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Nah, I wasn't thinking him... Oh ok this im dumbfounded .. he likes to bash women sometimes when they venting about men. Link to post Share on other sites
BlacknessOfSleep Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Weird..my boyfriend of two years and I just got into one of our biggest fights earlier...He started accusing me of something...I couldn't understand what it was cause he wouldn't stop screaming at me, so I started in on him for overreacting to every little thing and misinterpretting everything I say...our anniversary is in two days and it's looking like I won't be seeing him that day. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Maybe tomorrow will be better. Plan on still being together in 2 days. Don't let an argument ruin that day. It's special, no matter what. Unless he's being a real jerk-off, I think you should still try to see him. Hopefully he'll feel the same way and both of you can move past the fight you had. Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Nah, it's just a 'PMS for men' week. You guys hang in there....this makes me feel good about being single. If I piss myself off, I'm all good. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Maybe tomorrow will be better. Plan on still being together in 2 days. Don't let an argument ruin that day. It's special, no matter what. Unless he's being a real jerk-off, I think you should still try to see him. Hopefully he'll feel the same way and both of you can move past the fight you had. I don't know been like this all weekend and still ranting today with h ..Some men can be such pains in the a@@!! Link to post Share on other sites
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