lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 We went to take my daughters dvd player back from Wally World that we got our daughter from Santa ,and we seen a friend that my h knows that use to be in another band.. They got to talking about how this one guy wanted to get something started back up with a band kinda like Maroon Five... Well he told the guy we needed to hurry up cause we still had to eat.. H went to customer service and exchange the dvd player that we got and pay the difference .. They was out of the one we got her for Christmas....My daughter and i went in the the regular line and payed for the other stuff we got .. So we get in the car and my h mentions that the guy we seen wants my h to sing with him in the band he is wanting to have to singers .... I said to my h nicely how are you going to do two bands? I said you barely have enough time for us as it is with this one.. I don't mind him doing one band ,but i have to draw the line with two!!! Not to mention my daughter is making comments that "Dad cares more for the band than me" Well h told me he would do whatever he wanted to do ,but didn't say it nice at all when he told me alot ,of swearing in it while my daughter is in the car!!! He said he was old enough to do what he wanted to do and he wasn't stopping it!! I am having major problems with my daughter because she is feeling that his band is more important to him than us!! I told him he is going to have to chose the band or his family because it is ruining it !! I am so tired of my daughter lashing out at me and showing off because she thinks she isn't loved and hated.. My daughter needs couseling and i have talk with a physcologist and have to see if insurance will take her .. I called after holidays waiting on a response from insurance before making appt to that lady i found.. Am i being wrong in the way i feel ? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Does he not care what he says infront of your daughter, or was it just a slip up with the way he was talking, because you said he was swearing? 2 bands might be alot since he is already in one and its causing conflicts. Does your husband know how your daughter feels about him being gone alot with this band? Has she made any kind of comments to him on how she feels? Have you all tried a compromise? I doubt telling him to choose will have much effect on him, it may make things worse. If he were to give it up, there may be some resentment there, that would then be taken out on you and maybe even your child. If he stays, it seems your daughter will feel slighted that her dad doesn't want to be there etc. When he is there, how do you all spend your time together as a family? Like going out to eat? The movies? A family game night? Vacations, etc? Is any of that done together? I would think that maybe if he spend more quailty time with you all when there, it might help to ease your daughters frustrations. That way he can still have his hobby and be with you all too. Just a suggestion. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 I don't think he thinks about it when he says things to her like that .. He is selfish and inconsiderate man in my eyes.. All he thinks about is pleasing himself because he had things taken from him when he had to become a dad at a young age!! He holds alot of resentment to his dad and mom for not being there .. He doesn't regret being a dad but i think he felt tied down at the same time.. He is wanting to blame everyone but himself and it was his fault he layed down and got someone pregnant.. I think he didn't have too much of a childhood having to be a dad at seventeen and feels he deserve it.. He gave up alot when he became a dad at an early age.. He had a chance to skate professionally for a skateboard company called Alva and could draw really great .. He could have been an artist too , he made shirts for somebody airbrushing.. He invented some characters that someone stole from him and used them.. So he has had a hard life ,but why make us suffer for his mistakes.. I don't want to make him to chose but i have to think about what is best for our daughter ... Yes we do family things together,vacations ,eating out and movies!! He spends more time on the puter her lately .. I read to her at night he is on the computer ,majority of the times i bathe and put her to bed!! He does it sometimes.. Most of the time i give her allergy meds sometimes he will do it.. He spends some time with her ,but not as much time as i do!! I am the disciplinary act in this house and she is a moma's girl through and through .. My h always says that she is that way cause you nursed her .. i think that is BS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CherryBomb11 Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 This sounds a little like my situation.My husband had something he loved to do and he did it before we ever met. So it was something he did before we got married and I knew about it. We had been married for almost 9 years with a 7 year old son. We divorced a year ago this March. Every Tuesday night was poker night for him and his buddies. He went every Tuesday night without fail. When we first started dating I had no problem with this. When we got married I had no problem with this, since sometimes I would go with him. I also looked at it as it was his male bonding time to hang out with his buddies etc. Most of the time it was played at his buddies house, but on an occasion it was played at our home. They liked to drink beer, smoke etc while playing, male thing I guess. Anyway I didn't start to have a problem with this, until my son was about 4 almost 5. Every tuesday my husband would get ready to go over to play poker, little by little I would see a change in sons attitude, he would act out, be mean call names etc. Stomp around saying he didn't want dad to go to play a game with his buddies. his dad would reasure him he would be back after the game etc, and he was. However this is the main thing, that stuck out the most. I didn't have a problem with him playing poker, nor did my son, so it wasn't the real issue of him going to play, it was that when he was home with us, he acted like he didn't want to be here. Sure we would sometimes go out to eat, or hang out and go to the park as a family etc, so we did do things together,but it was my husbands attitude that was the problem. He acted as if he was doing us a favor to be with us. Hang out with us, spend time together etc. I think my son picked up on this. Kids know more than you think. After me expressing my concern to my husband over that matter, he became angry and told me he wasn't giving up his poker night at all. I then said how about family counsling for us all, we need to find out why when you do do things with us you act like you don't want too. He got angry at that as well. I got tired of his attitude and acting like he was doing me and our son a favor. I threatned to leave. He decided we would go to family counseling. I had the shock of my life! He confessed in counseling that he acted the way he did because he didn't want to be with us any longer. He said he loved me and our son, wanted to remain in our sons life, but he wanted to do his own thing. Come and go as he pleased, go to poker whenever, do whatever when ever with out having to answer to any one. I was shocked and hurt, but it all made sense now. Why he acted like he was doing us a favor to be with us, because he didn't want to be! I remember asking him how long had he felt that way about not wanting to be with us. He asked me, "how long have you noticed me acting like I don't want to be here or that I'm doing you a favor?" I said, for about 2-3 years now," he says, "ok then theres your answer." I had no clue he didn't want to be here, you would have thought it was a dead give away when he acted like he was doing us a favor to do something with us or for us etc. I guess I was blind. Have you all been in counsling? If not I would try it, maybe things will come to light as to whats going on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Yes Cherrybomber we have been to counseling and he told me and the counselor that he wants his wife and family.. However the counselor was talking about his dad and his childhood and got to my h and made him open up and begin to cry.. This was stepping on my h's toes and he won't go back!! I feel for what you went through and how he couldn't tell you that he wanted to go for so long.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 My daughter needs couseling and i have talk with a physcologist and have to see if insurance will take her .. I called after holidays waiting on a response from insurance before making appt to that lady i found.. Am i being wrong in the way i feel ? I don't think you are wrong in feeling the way that you do. In fact, I highly recommend that YOU go to a counselor (maybe the same one as your daughter). You need to find out who the real LilMoma is. I have a sneaking suspicion that you've lost her. If you find her, I'm sure she will help you make the most of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 I don't think you are wrong in feeling the way that you do. In fact, I highly recommend that YOU go to a counselor (maybe the same one as your daughter). You need to find out who the real LilMoma is. I have a sneaking suspicion that you've lost her. If you find her, I'm sure she will help you make the most of your life. Your right and you know i have gotten excellent advice and h will stay on the computer all weekend so i can't check LS .. H is mad because i have something that i enjoy more than him and communicate with .. I told him i go on LS to vent about my problems cause i can't communicate with him.. Yeah she does need counseling and i am calling the insurance company back and finding what is the hold up .. My h says he don't want her going to counseling .. Wonder why they will see how daughter feels about dad and that is the main issue why she is lashing out.. She is going whether he wants her to or not.. Link to post Share on other sites
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