lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 How many get tired of our spouses and s/o thinking we are a mind reader ? My h thinks i know what he is thinking as well as ss is thinking!! My daughter didn't go to school because she didn't rest well ,and finally went to sleep around 1:30 this morning!! She went to bed on time, but didn't feel well ,coughing and stopped up ,she has allergies so i didn't send her !! I didn't think she should go with such little rest and all!! Well ss has been riding to school ,with me then all the sudden started riding with a boy he goes to school with!! I got up to check my daughter and ss never told me he needed a ride.. So i went back to bed and then ss called my h telling him that i wouldn't take him to school that i was in the bed!! I didn't know he needed a ride cause he never asked so i assumed he was riding with his friend!! What happened was that his friend was suppose to take him but didn't answer his phone so i get the blame !! I can't read his mind he is 15 and has a voice ,why does he need to tell his dad i wouldn't take him, i didn't know he needed a ride!! H starts yelling at me telling me i act like i can't do nothing for ss !! WTF !! I am not a physic ,so how can i know what is going on ,if im not told!! SS will ride with this boy ,and won't even tell me what is going on till i hear the door slam, and a car pull up !! My h is pissed at me ,and i rightly don't care cause ,i had a bad night with daughter , didn't feel like hearing the arguing ,so i hung up !! I can't believe my h says i should know!! Whatever!! Thanks for letting me vent!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Time for you, your husband and your stepson to sit down and talk it out. Set some rules, more communication is needed by everybody. Noone can read minds and assuming things isn't good either. Miscommunication is why things happened as they did. And your husband shouldn't be as pissed off as he got, what ever happened to siding with your spouse? If the kid needed a ride he should have come right out and asked you. And (I don't mean this as it might read..lol, k?) maybe you could have asked him what was happening for school, if a ride was needed or if he was heading out with someone else. How long have you been married to your husband? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Time for you, your husband and your stepson to sit down and talk it out. Set some rules, more communication is needed by everybody. Noone can read minds and assuming things isn't good either. Miscommunication is why things happened as they did. And your husband shouldn't be as pissed off as he got, what ever happened to siding with your spouse? If the kid needed a ride he should have come right out and asked you. And (I don't mean this as it might read..lol, k?) maybe you could have asked him what was happening for school, if a ride was needed or if he was heading out with someone else. How long have you been married to your husband? Yeah i agree on this and have talked with h about us being on the same page and communication is something we don't do to well!!! I haven't been taking h to school ,he has been riding with his friend ,i wouldn't know till i heard the door shut... H thinks i hate his son which wasn't a problem when he was doing his thing .. H thinks i know what ever one is thinking ,no communication in the this family at all.. Daughter was sick so i went back to bed ,ss never told me he needed a ride at all.. He called dad and told him he needed a ride ,but never opened his mouth to me at all!! I have done for him since he was 2 why would now would i not want to do for him.. I have been more a mom to him than his own mom has!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alturrnababe Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hey lilmoma....alturrnababe here...sorry to hear about that situation of yours...yeah I hate that mind reader stuff too!!!!!!! Apart from that-how have you been, same ole situation around here...except I'm moving-just down the street- but still, a helluva lot of work.Keep me posted on everything!! Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Lilmomma...ya you all need to sit down and hash it all out. Personally staying home from school because your daughter stayed up late is NOT an excuse and I think you may be setting yourself up for some future battles. SOunds like SS does not respect you as a parent. Good question WWIU. A pediatrician told my EW and me that her new H (my kids SD) that he should never be considered (authoritatively in any case) anythign more than a babysitter for 18 mos to two years. Mom was to be the ultimate word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Lilmomma...ya you all need to sit down and hash it all out. Personally staying home from school because your daughter stayed up late is NOT an excuse and I think you may be setting yourself up for some future battles. SOunds like SS does not respect you as a parent. Good question WWIU. A pediatrician told my EW and me that her new H (my kids SD) that he should never be considered (authoritatively in any case) anythign more than a babysitter for 18 mos to two years. Mom was to be the ultimate word. Thanks KJL for your reply and no the ss does not have no respect for me neither does my h.. My daughter stayed out of school cause she had a low grade fever, and they can't go if they have one .. Also she didn't rest well ,went to be at 8:30pm but couldn't rest for the coughing and congestion .. I didn't want to send her and let her fall asleep and can't be productive with her work.. I don't let my daughter stay home unless she is sick and if i would have sent they would have called to get her with a fever!! They can't come to school with a fever at all.... As for ss mom she han't been in ss life to much ,i have!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hey lilmoma....alturrnababe here...sorry to hear about that situation of yours...yeah I hate that mind reader stuff too!!!!!!! Apart from that-how have you been, same ole situation around here...except I'm moving-just down the street- but still, a helluva lot of work.Keep me posted on everything!! Yeah definitely alot of work here alturnababe!! Thanks for your reply .. ARE you leaving your h ? Did i read that wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Can I ask you a very personal thing? If it's too much, then I understand... Do you see your stepson, as "just" your stepson? Have you accepted him fully into your heart as one of your children? It could make a difference if he felt that love from you. Forget your husband right now, k. Concentrate on your son. If you are the only mother in his life right now, the two of you need time together. It won't be easy, but please, don't give up on him. Maybe making the peace with him will open him up towards you and things will get better. Don't leave it up to your h to sort it out, sounds like he couldn't be bothered either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Can I ask you a very personal thing? If it's too much, then I understand... Do you see your stepson, as "just" your stepson? Have you accepted him fully into your heart as one of your children? It could make a difference if he felt that love from you. Forget your husband right now, k. Concentrate on your son. If you are the only mother in his life right now, the two of you need time together. It won't be easy, but please, don't give up on him. Maybe making the peace with him will open him up towards you and things will get better. Don't leave it up to your h to sort it out, sounds like he couldn't be bothered either way. Yeah and i understand what you are saying,but he tells me that it is his son he will deal with it..I try to take the parental guidence with him and h says things in front of him that makes him think he doesn't have to listen to me!! It was ok when i was raising him and he was doing the band thing ,now ss is 15 h thinks ss should do whatever .. I know because there is no discipline in this house with ss that daughter sees this and she thinks why should i listen brother don't .. That is why i am getting her an appt to get to the root of it all .. .. I am always there for ss when he needs me .. If there is a problem with him he comes to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 You guys have some serious trouble on the horizon! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 I meant be a friend to him. Not a full fledged mom in the sense of nagging him, lol, but someone who can listen to him and just be there. Even if he doesn't say it, it will be appreciated and soften him towards you. I'm glad to hear that he can and does talk to you when he needs to though. Must be rough in your house, I wish your husband would give more and open his eyes too so things could be easier. He has an ego and has to be 'right' it seems alot. That's not cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 I meant be a friend to him. Not a full fledged mom in the sense of nagging him, lol, but someone who can listen to him and just be there. Even if he doesn't say it, it will be appreciated and soften him towards you. I'm glad to hear that he can and does talk to you when he needs to though. Must be rough in your house, I wish your husband would give more and open his eyes too so things could be easier. He has an ego and has to be 'right' it seems alot. That's not cool. WWIU you are right he has an ego problem and has to be right... I am a friend to ss , i talk to his g/f for him when she holds things away from him and she opens up to me.. He tells me more than his dad ,but he don't like me to give him authority at all.. He opens up to me more than his dad and will ask me about things like aren't you suppose to communicate in a relationship.. He got his ways with relationship from me not his dad or bio mom they don't know how to treat noone.. He is more sincere that his dad and considerate of his g/f feelings and always shows her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 LilMoma: I think that age 15, your SS is fully capable of knowing exactly how to push your buttons and how to shift the blame for his screw up to you. He also is aware of how your husband thinks and uses that as well to appear to be the one who was "left out." Imagine the power that gives him . . . he gets you to look bad, he gets his dad to stand up for him (taking his side), etc., etc. I'm sure he has some of his dad's ego and way of doing things. He may open up to you at times, but there are other times that he is his dad's son. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 LilMoma: I think that age 15, your SS is fully capable of knowing exactly how to push your buttons and how to shift the blame for his screw up to you. He also is aware of how your husband thinks and uses that as well to appear to be the one who was "left out." Imagine the power that gives him . . . he gets you to look bad, he gets his dad to stand up for him (taking his side), etc., etc. I'm sure he has some of his dad's ego and way of doing things. He may open up to you at times, but there are other times that he is his dad's son. Yeah he definitely is his dad's son !! He definitely has alot of his ways !!! I agree with what you have said Link to post Share on other sites
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