SamandBran Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I posted before on something similar to this but it doesn't seem to be going away. Since my H and I got married, I find it very hard to believe that I can no longer talk to anyone else ever again. I take marriage very seriously. In the meantime, I have this constant fear that my H will cheat on me or is checking out other women, especially when I am not around. I nag him from time to time on little things that he has done, such as sign onto this dating site about a week after we got married. I hadn't signed on since we began dating. I was very hurt that he was getting on it eventho he told me it was to stop his spam or whatever. Yea, right. Then, I guessed his password from when he gave it to me for other things and saw that he'd read him emails eventho there was nothing in there. But, I hate how men try to minimize things b/c when the truth is revealed, it's even worse b/c then women wonder, why did he lie? And it hurts and makes me, personally, overanalyze. We have been married almost 2 months and I wonder how do people deal with the insane jealousy and possessiveness. I have never been like this with a bf b/c I always knew I could just dump them. Rarely did I work things out if infidelity was even remotely present anywhere near any of my other relationships. But, this time around, I cannot just leave. I don't ever want to have to get a divorce and my H says he doesn't either (his parents have been together for over 20 years). My parents divorced but my dad remained in my life and is a great role model and father figure while my mother was the one that kept up and we love her to death. Just a little history on our parents' lives for more perspective. Has anyone else ever felt this insane possessiveness b/c it is now their husband/wife? It worries me that it will only get worst over time b/c I have tried to calm it down and it's not getting any better. I love my husband to death and he has never given me a reason to not trust him. Should I seek counseling. Also, my son's father did cheat on me through duration of my pregnancy. I know that this might be an issue. Someone please give me some advice on how to get over this so I can be in a great marriage with my husband forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clair Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 He did sign up for a dating site after marriage, that to me equals to cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
EMJ Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 "Someone please give me some advice on how to get over this so I can be in a great marriage with my husband forever." 1) There are no guarantees on anything lasting forever, especially something as difficult as a marriage. This takes hard commtted work on BOTH partners. Trust is the number one ingredient and it doesn't look like you have that here at all. "I love my husband to death and he has never given me a reason to not trust him." 2) Then what's your problem? You can't judge him based in your own insecurities and neediness. "I wonder how do people deal with the insane jealousy and possessiveness." 3) They don't. Because it's not normal to feel that way and the quickest way to drive someone away. My insecure EX husband accused me of crazy stuff like that when it never even crossed my mind. I married him! How much more evidence of my love did he need?! Eventually I got sick of it and him and I DID leave with a 2 year old child and never looked back. It's a massive sign of weakness to feel that way. Huge turn off. Should I seek counseling? 4) ABSOLUTELY. Like yesterday. After 2 months of marriage you should still be in the Honeymoon stage. Doesn't look like you know how to be in a marriage yet. It's nothing like dating or boyrfriends. It's a grown up partnership between equals who count on each other to be their kindness, support, and best friend. If you don't have a marriage that looks like that you WILL BE divorced. For sure. Nobody puts up with this kind of behavior for long. Get counseling and do the work to make this a real marriage. Or say goodbye to him, he won't stick with a crazy jealous person if he wants a happy life. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Yep. go talk to a counsellor or psychologist. Your mind and your fears are controlling you...and you need to get that control back, or else your life, and your husbands will be governed by this. good luck. I have suffered/suffer obsessive thinking (about different things). I know how hard it can be...so please do see someone about this. Link to post Share on other sites
castle26 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Yep. go talk to a counsellor or psychologist. Your mind and your fears are controlling you...and you need to get that control back, or else your life, and your husbands will be governed by this. good luck. I have suffered/suffer obsessive thinking (about different things). I know how hard it can be...so please do see someone about this. I agree-counseling can help you tremendously. Marriage is funny, at the start a woman might think her life would truly be over if the marriage ever ended. But after a period of time--weeks, years, decades--she might ask herself, "What the hell was I thinking?" Living with this man day in and day out might be the best therapy to get over jealousy. It's amazing how a wife can change from, "If he ever leaves me, I would die!" to---God, if he doesn't leave this house and get out of my hair once in awhile I'm gonna kill myself!" As for him "checking out" other women--why shouldn't he? He is human, and appreciating beautiful women is not abnormal. Don't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Clair Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 He shouldn't, because he is her husband. His checking out other women on web-sites should have finished the day he promised her to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
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