akeim Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 i been married for almost 2 years. i have a 1 year old baby. i recently found out that my husband had a web page up on myspace.com and he was talking to women telling them how beautiful they are. complete shock and i was deeply hurt. eventually i confronted him about it. he said he wont do it no more. he is aware i have his password and he still never changed it. now i find out he has a personal up seeking women. i dont know how long this has been going on and when it started. i'm hurt once again. i just found out today. he's leaving for miami at the end of the month to visit family. i'm worried. he tells me he loves me how pretty i am and i do everything for this man. his coworkers even tease him and tell him hes not good enough for me and that i settled for him. i'm afraid to confront him before he leaves because it would put a strain on the marriage. i'm confused and i dont know what to do. i think he gets bored at work and do things like this. i think its dangerous but he doesnt think so. do most men do these things? i wouldnt because i think its decieving to the other person especially if your married. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Tell him he has two choices. Head to marriage counselling with you and work on the marriage, or GET OUT. He can't have it both ways! And he shouldn't be talking to his co-workers, if he feels at all what they've said is true he has to TELL you, not lead you on. Can you go with him to visit family? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I was wondering the same thing, if you can go with him to see his family? He can not have his cake and eat it too, whiich is how hes wanting it be, by being married and chatting with these other women. I would mention to him you want to go with him on this family visit and see what he has to say. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Asking to go with him is reasonable. Now that this is in the open, he shouldn't be going anywhere that puts him in a position to cheat. He already broke trust by telling others the personal issues he should have shared with you. If he goes alone, do NOT trust him, and tell him so. My exH mistakenly trusted me. If he had showed he cared enough to stop me, I might have not put myself in the position to cheat...but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Read my story from the infidelity section... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ It was just chatting on the web too...that led to phone calls...that led to her being all set to leave me for someone she'd never met in person. Make it very clear to him that you know that what he's doing is dangerous to your marriage, that it hurts you VERY much, and that you will not accept his continued behavior. Have some kind of action plan in place if he refuses to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 How will he EVER convince you that he went to Miami alone and didn't meet up with one of his "chat-buddies"? I had a similar situation. I printed out ALL of the evidence I had retrieved from his computer, and asked him...."If you go on this trip, how will you ever prove to me that you didn't meet up with anyone?" There was NO WAY he could EVER have convinced me, and he knew it. If our roles had been reversed, he knew in his heart that he wouldn't have believed it either. He elected to stay home and work things out. Good choice if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Oh boy, web chatting. This sure hits a sore spot on the Riddler. Once I had found out that my ex had been talking to someone online and also that she met up with him, the trust was gone. We went to a session of counciling and he suggested having an "open-book" relationship, meaning not hiding a thing from the other: email accounts, phone messages, you name it. I felt as though it was the only way to get things back to normal. Now, I am not aware of how your trust is toward your husband, but you might want to give this a try. Ladyjane14 does make a good point, if things are bad between you two, maybe its best that he does not take any sort of overnight trip away from you, especially out of state until the trust has been improved. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 i'm afraid to confront him before he leaves because it would put a strain on the marriage. The situation bugs you, so you definitely should talk. Not talking and sucking it up will put more strain on you and in turn on your marriage. Moreover, it's him to blame, so don't think that you will put some strain just by addressing the issue. do most men do these things? I've visited in passing a few dating websites. I was curious how such websites work: if there are pictures, preferences, city names, and so on... I didn't go there to find a date. I don't feel bad about this, because I didn't have any intentions. My wife doesn't mind this as long as I'm not looking for a date. I guess that dating websites might be a problem if your husband visits them frequently, becames a member and exchanges messages with other members. He could be tempted to date. Talk with him about this. You have a right to expect him to respect your wishes. Now I believe it's the best time to say straight what you feel. Marriage is a commitment and he shouldn't do whatever he wants. If you condone it, we will keep doing it, and maybe he will do more. As to myspace.com, I don't know what motivates him to tell other women how beautiful they are. This is sad and alarming. After I met my wife, I haven't complimented other women on their looks, even though I find many women attractive. Keep your eye on him and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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