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Hey everyone,I wonder if anyone could share some advice?I have been married for 5 years (my second marriage) and have 3 children, one from the first marriage, and two from the scond marriage.My problem is that my husband is never home.I stay home with the children while he runs his own business, money is never a problem and my kids are well taken care of-but my husband is out 5nights of the week! last night was monday, he went to the pub with his employees to watch a game, tonite, going to calgary to play soccer,tomorrow nite, bowling, thurs nite,bowling,friday nite poker, saturday soccer(and pub after...usually home around 1-2 a.m.).Am I making a big deal out of this?He says all men do this 'guy' stuff and I should stop whining.I am her with these kids constantly...would like to go out with my sister but he says I don't need to be in a bar or pub!(i would like a break once in a while).I've tried everything, including telling him it's over...does not seem to make a difference.What to do? Thankyou!

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Guy stuff? Whatever...Yeah it's nice to have a guys night out, but not every night. That isn't healthy for any relationship. How can you have a relationship if you are never home to have one.

 

Why does he not want to spend time at home? Doesn't he want to spend time with the kids or with you?

 

would like to go out with my sister but he says I don't need to be in a bar or pub!(i would like a break once in a while)

 

It's ok for him to go to a bar or pub but not you? Call a babysitter, get your sister and go out.

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No you aren't being stupid at all he is taking advantage of you doing all these things every night how is that fair to you !! You are at home tending to the kids while he is having the fun ,when do you get spare time to yourself!! I can so relate to you my h is in a band and practices band two nights a week ,the other night he went to check out a band to play with them last week after leaving from band practice with the guys and didn't have the common courtesy to call me on his cell to say anything!! i was furious when i found this out !!

 

He said he was sorry and he won't do it again !! Some men are just inconsiderate and figure we home with the kids they can do whatever and i told him i wouldn't tolerate this and i deserved the call to know where he is!! he isn't single and what he does effects me !!! I said what would you say if i wasn't where i was suppose to be and found out i was out drinking in a bar!! He wouldn't like that at all!! You have to get them to see what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot!! Good luck

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Hey thanks guys...yeah lilmoma, he has a cell phone but he turns it off when he's out....not only does he come back on the weekend nights very ,very late, he wakes ME up wanting other stuff.....and gets furious when i say no.Sometimes I just want to meet someone else.And no, he does not want to spend time with us...when he's home he pretty much naps...he says he's tired from work but I think it's because he goes to work all day and then goes out at nite..you can't burn the candle at both ends my Mum always says!

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Hey thanks guys...yeah lilmoma, he has a cell phone but he turns it off when he's out....not only does he come back on the weekend nights very ,very late, he wakes ME up wanting other stuff.....and gets furious when i say no.Sometimes I just want to meet someone else.And no, he does not want to spend time with us...when he's home he pretty much naps...he says he's tired from work but I think it's because he goes to work all day and then goes out at nite..you can't burn the candle at both ends my Mum always says!

 

If he has a cell phone then he should call you that is common curtoristy for the person to let you know they aren't going to be home till late !! hate when my h does that to me!!

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Oh I know...and he knows it too....he says it's embarrasing him when I call...because all the guys he's out with are single! Maybe he should be out with married ones, then they can all have a curfew type thing...but I still don't think that would stop him!!! Anyway lilmoma,is your H a good guy other than the cell phone thing?Must drive you nuts him being in a band!

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Oh I know...and he knows it too....he says it's embarrasing him when I call...because all the guys he's out with are single! Maybe he should be out with married ones, then they can all have a curfew type thing...but I still don't think that would stop him!!! Anyway lilmoma,is your H a good guy other than the cell phone thing?Must drive you nuts him being in a band!

 

It does drive me nuts and he is a singer and you know how that can be grouppies love a singer too!! They on http://www.myspace.com/contagin check them out and let me know what ya think!! My counselor told us that a married man should never hang out with a single man makes them see what they missing !! This is a big no no our marriage counselor told us this and never thought about it but look what single people do as oppose to married well the good married ones most of them don't care a wedding ring on the finger or not!! You get what i mean!! Yeah he is a good guy all in all!!

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lilmoma...i checked out that site....very nice.I would be worrying about groupies and that sort of thing too....awesome point your counselor made about hanging out with single guys...most of my husband's friends are single!Anyway i'm glad he's a good guy, don't forget to keep in touch!!

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Wow, sounds like you married a pretty selfish jerk. Husbands and wives have to take turns babysitting and give each other some time to themselves outside of the home. Tell him to fecking knock off the jerk behavior and give you a night off.

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If he want's that lifestyle, why did he marry you? It's time for, "The Wake Up Call!". Talk to him and tell him he has two nights a week until midnight and one night on the weekend is out with you, if he want's to stay married. Otherwise, you'll need to be finding a husband who finds you sufficient company. That's a more than generous offer.

 

I fear this guy may be the kind of selfish jerk who won't change. If so, you will have to decide whether you want to live like this or leave him.

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Gosh. I know exactly how you feel. My exhusband didn't stay out EVERY night but a good percentage of his time was taken up with his hobbies. Not going to bars or pubs or clubs but hunting, fishing, golf etc. What time he wasn't doing those things, he was planning them- phone ringing off the wall etc. He averaged 40 weekends of the year he would be gone.

 

I tried everything. I think I would have tolerated it much less if he'd been going to clubs.

 

My point is, I put up with it for way too long. He wouldn't change. Basically he wanted a maid, babysitter, accountant, housekeeper who would be waiting for sex when he decided to come home. He would be gone from Friday afternoon- not even come home until Sunday night. Then he would unpack and put up all his crud, finishing after eight, just in time not to have to bathe or feed the kids. Then once they went to bed, he would approach me for sex. We spent zero time together.

 

I eventually ended up having an affair. I had spent way too little time having my needs met. It was wrong, but it was like putting a piece of cheese in front of a starving mouse.

 

He didn't wise up until I started packing but by that time it was too late.

 

Tell your husband if he won't go to marriage counseling you're walking. Be prepared to start packing. Maybe that will wake him up.

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slubberdegullion

At the risk of incurring the wrath of the lovely ladies in this thread, there is another possibility that may be worth considering.

 

Alturrnababe, you mentioned that your hub runs his own business. It's no secret that most business success is less dependant on the product/service than it is the connections one has with people. Now, I'm not suggesting that he has to be out every night of the week with his buddies, but there is something to be said for socializing which helps name recognition and reinforcing contacts between others.

 

Now, before I have to encase myself in Nomex, I still think that he isn't spending enough time with you and the kids, but there may be more to this than just "time out with the guys."

 

Just my $0.02

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lilmoma...i checked out that site....very nice.I would be worrying about groupies and that sort of thing too....awesome point your counselor made about hanging out with single guys...most of my husband's friends are single!Anyway i'm glad he's a good guy, don't forget to keep in touch!!

 

 

Thanks glad you like the music .. yeah he is a good guy and that isn't good your h hanging out with the single guys that is a no no !! i would suggest you going to a marriage counselor and he will tell your h that he shouldn't be doing these things to you every night !! Sounds to me he is the living the single life and married life its called having his cake and eating it too!! Good luck and i will keep in touch !! wish we could pm each other but you have to have 50 posts to pm !!!

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Yes, Slub that could be true.

 

I'm not saying he's cheating. He's just not home enough. Regardless of the reason, women get tired of being left alone all the time.

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To all of you who have read my problem and replied...Thankyou sooo much, this has just reinforced the decisions i have pretty much already made!Of course as i write this he's at his bowling christmas party..he got home at 2 last nite from soccer too, so he really is ''living the life of riley'' as my mum often points out...I think basically marriage is a partnership AND a friendship of sorts...too bad not all men (or women in some cases) see it that way! So, mz.pixie, you finally left your husband...good for you...may I ask what his reaction was? I think yeah that I will have to just either live with it or leave...he's not going to change. (p.s. hey lilmoma how's it going?!!!!)

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Before you leave this situation, tell him in no uncertain terms that he will be the one babysitting on such and such a weekend day and you will be going out to have drinks with your friends, whether you make plans to do that or not. This first step might at least make things tolerable for a while.

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His reaction???

 

He freaked out and cried. He wanted to go to counseling etc. But I'd been begging him for years to go and he would always tell me it was my problem.

 

By the way, I'm remarried now- to a man who makes me a priority.

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Well...I am really glad to hear you met someone else who cares enough to spend the time at home and has respect for your marriage!Good for you mz.pixie.Yeah Milo, that sounds like a good idea...only it's gotten so bad the little ones won't stay with him...it's like they have no idea who he is.I was thinking about asking other sister actually...she might do it.

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To all of you who have read my problem and replied...Thankyou sooo much, this has just reinforced the decisions i have pretty much already made!Of course as i write this he's at his bowling christmas party..he got home at 2 last nite from soccer too, so he really is ''living the life of riley'' as my mum often points out...I think basically marriage is a partnership AND a friendship of sorts...too bad not all men (or women in some cases) see it that way! So, mz.pixie, you finally left your husband...good for you...may I ask what his reaction was? I think yeah that I will have to just either live with it or leave...he's not going to change. (p.s. hey lilmoma how's it going?!!!!)

 

Hey alturnable it is going good and you !!!:)

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His reaction???

 

He freaked out and cried. He wanted to go to counseling etc. But I'd been begging him for years to go and he would always tell me it was my problem.

 

By the way, I'm remarried now- to a man who makes me a priority.

 

Good for you Mz.Pixie that you moved on and found someone that was deserving of you!!!:)

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His reaction???

 

He freaked out and cried. He wanted to go to counseling etc. But I'd been begging him for years to go and he would always tell me it was my problem.

 

By the way, I'm remarried now- to a man who makes me a priority.

 

If you'd have given him "The Wake Up Call" earlier on, you might have even saved that marriage. Don't be scared to use a little tough love when necessary.

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The wake up call???

 

Let's see, I basically told him that I was ripe for an affair and that I was going to leave him if he didn't stay at home more and treat me better.

 

How much more clear could I have been??

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The wake up call???

 

Let's see, I basically told him that I was ripe for an affair and that I was going to leave him if he didn't stay at home more and treat me better.

 

How much more clear could I have been??

 

That pretty much would have hit a button with me if my h told me that!!! I guess women see things in a differnent perspective than men !!!

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Hey everyone how's it going...Hi lilmoma!!! how are things with the husband? Same old situation here....don't think it's gonna change-but hey- I'm learning to enjoy having the house to myself when he's not around (which is often)...!!

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I believe that once women/men face the reality of their partners, they need to either sh*t or get off the pot! lol.

 

Basically, saying I am glad to hear that you recognize that you cannot change someone that doesn't want to be changed. If you talk to your husband and he is adamant about hanging out with the guys...leave him doing just that...HANGIN'....lol. Unless, you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life b/c your husband doesn't respect you enough to compromise on his nites out on the town, then it's time to give him an ultimatum (like Britney and Kevin) and stick to it.

 

Good luck and keep us posted! :D

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