used2 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Well, let me start by saying that I love my wife very much. We've been married for 8 years and have a child that is 3 yrs. old. Our sex life is almost completely dead ( once a month for the past 2 1/2 yrs.) and it's really taking it's tole on me. Up to then we had a very active sexual relationship, she wanted it just as much as I did if not more. Now I'm stupid in thinking we are going to do it as much as we used to after being together for 11+ years and raising a child takes up a lot of our time, I realize all of this. BUT ONCE A MONTH, there's a problem. I've tried talking to her about it and she always say's she knows and is sorry and will try to do better, which makes me feel like the once a month sex we're having is just for me(pitty sex), and then it's more of the same, it's like I was talking to a wall. I don't know what else to do, I'm tired of fealing not wanted in my marriage anymore, and it's getting harder not to to go some where else, which is the last thing I want to do. I've always said, if you don't take care of home, home will get taken care of somewhere else. Oh yeah, I do most of the cleaning and cooking in the house and do a great deal when it comes to taking care of our child, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. The truth in the matter is if it wasn't for my daughter, I probably left my wife by now, but I can't do that to my daughter and I wouldn't dream of trying to take her from her mother. Any suggestions, I'm lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 I know where you're coming from. Sometimes it seems that women like to use sex as a courting tool. Once courting is over, it's not nearly as much fun. It sounds like she wants to make things better, and so do you. Find a babysitter and start going out again. A little Italian food, some Pinot Grigio, a rose and a card you picked up for her on the way home from work. It will do wonders! Also, if you guys aren't in the best of shape, a little regular physical activity and losing a few pounds does wonders for the energy levels and subsequently, the libido. Also, you have to understand. With children, things can get a little tiring and getting privacy is a bit more rare. You won't be able to have the level of sexual activity you had before. That's just the way it works. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 if you're not already doing so, the two of you need to start planning time alone together, away from your little one and everything else, because from what it sounds like, real life has taken over (work, home, family, other commitments) that area which was once reserved for the two of you. That might mean counselling or retreats (even healthy marriages can improve) during which the focus is completely on the two of you as a couple. I'm pretty sure that your wife, while wanting to make things better, might not know how to go about doing that. Oh yeah, I do most of the cleaning and cooking in the house and do a great deal when it comes to taking care of our child, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. don't know how to phrase it kindly, so I'll put it baldly: It doesn't matter who is doing what, when the fact is that the focus of your relationship has gone from you and her to a family ~ that kind of change brings about all sorts of stresses and worries or concerns you didn't have as an independent couple. You are a great husband for assuming the bulk of the housework, but that doesn't lessen those worries or concerns your wife feels now she's a mommy, it's very much a mental thing, even when everything is working out smoothly. thinking about looking elsewhere for love is an honest reaction to your situation, but not what you really need. Brainstorm with your wife to see how you can approach improving your together-without-the-little-one time, then be faithful to that gameplan once you decide on it. Link to post Share on other sites
wanda1974 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Used2, Sorry about the situation in your marriage. Sounds familiar to the sex life I had toward the end of my marriage. I think your wife loves you, by by her comment that she will try harder...pity sex or nor, her response shows her love for you. Having a child is exhausting, and it does take up a lot of, what could be, alone time for you and your wife. Try taking one night a week, if possible, to go out for the evening, you and her, and leave the baby with an all night sitter. Instead of just asking for sex, make her feel attractive, and you initiate it after an evening out. I hope everything goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Clair Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Sorry, but do you know how to please a woman? May be you are not doing enough for her to be satisfied and that's why she is not looking forward to the experience. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I agree. I think that taking her out on dates adn spending time together will help. Even if it feel hard to start with. You can even start out with "Staying In" for dates so that she doesn't feel the pressure to get ready to go out. As in, treat a regular weeknight like it is special. Bring her flowers, flirt and feed her compliments. Speak tenderly. We women like this sort of thing. And maybe don't expect a big change or turnaround the first time you do this. It may need to be built up over a few times..... Good luck. It definitely sounds like she loves you...this is important. Link to post Share on other sites
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