glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Okay, so my husband just hired two employees. I first thought they were gonna be guys, you know? Well, it turns out they're two girls :-/ I haven't seen them yet, but they're part time college students, so I know they're not old farts. I don't know, I do not like it. And I absolutely hate that each time he gets in contact with girls, I feel threatened. Is this normal? I mean, I guess it's not ... I usually have a lot of self-control, but when it comes to jealousy, I feel like my mind starts running crazy. Anybody have any advice on how to get this constant feeling to go away? How many of you feel jealous? How do you deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 I don't know, it's weird but I'm never jealous. I'm not perfect. I have things I could work on about myself but that's never been an issue with me. I think it's a waste of an emotion if you know what I mean. But if I were, I guess I'd ask him about them. See how he talks about them. That will tell you a lot. Hopefully it will ease your fears. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 Oh, I've stopped telling him about it. I mean, I used to just share it with him, without accusing him of anything, because I've always been aware that most of the time it's just me. But I think he's so fed up with it now He gets upset as soon as he thinks I might be feeling jealous. Boooooohhhhh I suck. I wonder why I feel that way. He's not a cheater, and none of my exes have ever cheated on me. So I don't know. I can't seem to understand it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Sorry to be blunt .. but I think I need to be GG.. you need to grow up some.. they are his employees... not girlfriends.. Trust me on this.. I speak from experience.. Do not be jealous over a BUSINESS decision he might make.. You will be shooting yourself in the foot.. My ex used to be jealous over women employess of mine and let me tell you.. It pissed me off to no end that she butt into a decision for a company that she did not run and couldn't control her jealousy. He can seperate the two.. be grown up enough to do that also and support his BUSINESS decision. Part time college students come at a chepaer price and he won't have to pay them benefits.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 Oh, I know, AC. And, I didn't try to talk him out of it, because he seemed to say that they're already doing a good job. And yeah, I guess that's what matters. Hmmfff, but some girls seem to think he's rich or something. And one even asked him out while I wasn't there! He told her he was married, and she said "oh that's okay" Uhhhhh! Now, I know this should be proof that my husband's not a cheater, but to me it's also proof that some girls out there just don't care whether a man is married or not! And it drives me crazy. I feel like, maybe all it would take is a bad argument with him, and whatever other factors; if one of those girls comes along right then, it could turn out bad I'm such an insecure loser sometimes. Maybe I should do something nice for him tonight. But then again, I don't want him to take it the wrong way. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 You are worrying about nothing.. You need to let this go and trust your husband and trust the bond you two have. He is running a business.. and do you have any idea how fast it would fail if he made he decisions based on your insecurities ? Trust him.. who cares that women ask him out.. he will alway's answer the right way .. even if you do have a fight.. I used to get asked out all the time when I was married as well... it happens.. just like guys hitting on you all the time.. same difference a fight doesn't drive a happliy married man into anothers arms. Maybe you could talk to him about your insecurities so he could reinforce them in your mind Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 If you love someone, you should trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Oh, I've stopped telling him about it. I mean, I used to just share it with him, without accusing him of anything, because I've always been aware that most of the time it's just me. But I think he's so fed up with it now He gets upset as soon as he thinks I might be feeling jealous. Boooooohhhhh I suck. I wonder why I feel that way. He's not a cheater, and none of my exes have ever cheated on me. So I don't know. I can't seem to understand it myself. No, no...you misunderstood what I was saying. I meant ask him about the girls. Just ask him to tell you about them. Having him tell you about them will take away your jealousy I think. It will take away the mystery about them. He can tell you what they do there. What the nature of thier contacts are. See what I mean? But don't drill him. Just ask like you're just curious about them...not jealous. I mean I'd ask about a new employee where H works (male OR female.) I guess I wasn't very clear in my first post. So try that and see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 lol I actually did that. And he nailed me on the first question. It was just a plain casual question though, and he was like: "why, are you jealous?" ughhhhh Anyway, I guess I'll just shut up about it and try to get over my lame little self. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Show him who's boss by shagging him senseless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 lol Wes, that will be hard right now We're not even on the same continent!! **sighhhh** Three more weeks ... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 you would be better off having any insecurity conversation as a face to face in 3 weeks instead of entering the extra stress on a phone conversation into the mix Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 I guess you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Okay, so my husband just hired two employees. I first thought they were gonna be guys, you know? Well, it turns out they're two girls :-/ I haven't seen them yet, but they're part time college students, so I know they're not old farts. I don't know, I do not like it. And I absolutely hate that each time he gets in contact with girls, I feel threatened. Is this normal? I mean, I guess it's not ... I usually have a lot of self-control, but when it comes to jealousy, I feel like my mind starts running crazy. Anybody have any advice on how to get this constant feeling to go away? How many of you feel jealous? How do you deal with it? You need to dig down in yourself and ask WHY DO I FEEL JEALOUS? What is it exactly that you hate? Did someone cheat on you in your past? Something from the childhood? Is he doing something that makes you wonder? Does he flirt openly with OW when you two are out together? Love is love and it's healthy once in a while to feel some jealously, but not the kind of jealously that takes over and makes you feel insecure, gives you irrational thoughts. What you have to realize is HE is in your life, you sleep next to him everynight, you make love to him. Stay positive and trust him enough. He hired them as employee's. He is NOT going to start f***ing around and doing something stupid. He's told you that. You can't control who he talks to or who talks to him. SO what if one or both of them might find him cute. Harmless! Again, it's not like he is going to put himself in a stupid position as their boss. He does know right from wrong...Unless he comes home stinking of perfume and lipstick on his collar - Please don't worry too much over this and don't keep asking him about it. Trust him, trust the marriage and the love between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I have suffered from jealousy and insecurity and self esteem issues. I have to say to you...remember this: if you feel jealous and you dont trust, or feel insecure...eventually you will have an actual reason to worry! Because your very behaviour will undermine your love and your marriage. Trust me on this. I have been there. I dont mean it will make your man cheat, but it will have a negative impact on your relationship. Dont go there. Do your best to positive self-talk when those jelaous feelings arise...try to reinforce with rational statements and dont feed it. Good luck. I know it can be hard. But it's true...some self examination would be good to help you figure out why you feel this way-where is it coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Baldy Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 I don't know if being told to grow up about this is the right way to go (Even though there is some truth in it). But I may have the cure... A few years ago I worked in a small company and over the years it grew and grew. At first it was just my 2 two bosses and me. Then one day a new girl started and after a few months we started going out together. After that every time a knew person was going to start I became insanely jealous that it may be another bloke who she would fancy and go with. She gave me no reason to think this as it was all in my imagination and never actually happened. I never let on to her but inside, for the 3 years we were going out and working together, it was killing me. In the end I looked on the net and came across a book called 'Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures' by Ayala M Pines. This book is easy to read and makes allot of sense. Ironically I ended up buying a company and the girlfriend I was with (a different girl to the one above) was just like I was and what you are like now. Every time I had a meeting she thought I was up to something, every time we had to interview someone she would ask 60 questions about who they were, what they looked like, where they come from, how old they were, etc. In the end I got her to read this book and within a week she showed signs of improvement and in the end she, at least it seemed that way, didn't care who they were and realised it was just business. She was also like this about female friends but not as much! Can I suggest you read it. Have a look on Amazon and get a copy http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415920108/002-3263464-1103267?v=glance&n=283155&n=507846&s=books&v=glance In fact if you wish you can have my copy. It may cost more in postage to send it from the UK to the US then to buy it direct, but you are more than welcome to have it as I don't need it anymore and you apparently do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 Hey Baldy, I am definitely interested! Please send me an email to [email protected] I tried to send you a private message, but you have disabled this function. Anyway, thanks for your feedback Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Sounds like with the two of you being so far apart right now that your jealousy is more about them getting to see him and be around him vs something sexual going on. You just miss him and you don't like that are near him and you can't be right now. Normal reaction but don't let it get the better of you. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Thanks for the address, glitter (just joking). He can't do private messaging because he doesn't have enough posts yet. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Thanks for the address, glitter (just joking). Ya panhandler is sending you his naked pics as we write. Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Hi, just a word or two on this. I really think it's hard for people to understand the irrationality of jealousy if they don't experience it themselves. It's easy to tell yourself logically that your husband/boyfriend is with you, has never cheated, never given you reason to suspect him or be jealous, but you are not in control of these feelings. I mean, you can control them, and you can control the way you behave towards your partner, whether you tell them or not, but you can't stop FEELING these reactions. I have exactly the same reactions to people my boyfriend works with, female friends of his, and so on. I am fully aware it is a pointless and destructive emotion which in the end will ruin relationships (as has happened to me before), but it is not an easy issue to deal with. As it happens, I have also read that book, Romantic Jealousy. It's pretty good and makes you realise you are not alone. I also had jealous feelings as long back as I can remember, not as a result of cheating or a particular experience. Difficult to figure out the reasons why - which makes it hard to resolve the issue!! Anyway, good luck with the book. I looked so hard to find decent books on this subject but it seems they are pretty rare! You're doing well just to realise that it's pointless sharing your feelings of jealousy with your husband. That's not always easy but it's less destructive for the relationship. It doesn't help being on different continents. I'm in the same situation as of last weekend! But the problem for me is there whether he's here or miles away. It's just harder when you're not able to spend time with them... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author glittergurl Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 Thanks for the address, glitter (just joking). Hahah :D And thanks ZGT I appreciate your feedback. I think I'll read the book. Tsssss it's so stupid though. I've never been like that in past relationships. Although, well, I didn't end up marrying them So I guess it's hard to compare. Anyway, thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Secretaries and assistants should always be dumb, old and fat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. BTW, if one of these gals is "asking" your man "out", and he is replying to your inquiries with a bit of "Why, are you jealous?" I cannot say that that would make anyone feel on solid ground. My advice is show up at the office looking fantastic under the pre text of meeting him or taking him out for lunch, get a look at what's what, without appearing to of course (no obvious one-over looks), and then proceed to poison them with some Draino mixed in the tea you offer them with your sweet smile. (Hi! Kidding! Hello LS Editors!) PS--three weeks away on a business trip is too long. Go join him. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Sounds like with the two of you being so far apart right now that your jealousy is more about them getting to see him and be around him vs something sexual going on. You just miss him and you don't like that are near him and you can't be right now. Normal reaction but don't let it get the better of you. I think Tudor has a point. Those feelings are probably stronger since he isn't with you right now. You may feel stronger, better when he's back. However, if the seperations due to business are going to be frequent, you may want to work on this.... Link to post Share on other sites
AlmostMarried77 Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I definitely agree with the separation not helping. I'm still living apart from my wife whilst we sort out her moving over. I get some really bad jealousy feelings sometimes. Not because i don't trust her but because i'm just craving that reassuring touch from her. I know that as soon as i feel her hand on my face then all the bad thoughts will disappear Some feelings of jealousy are perfectly natural, living so far apart from each other for long periods of time isn't When you're together you can act on the jealousy, make him/her notice you more or try and put some more spice or passion into the relationship. When you're apart it feels as if your hands are tied and all you can do is order your partner what to do or not do. I usually deal with it by bringing it up in conversation, she'll ask me whats up so i'll tell her. She gets the same feelings too sometimes so when we're both honest with each other about it then we can both be a bit "lovely dovey" for a day or so to get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
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