Did she cheat?

[curious george]

Last weekend my wife went on a cruise for 5 days, with her friends bachelorette party. She did not call me the whole time. When I asked her why and told her I was worried about her, she got mad at me. She told me that none of the girls decided to call the significant others b/c it was too expensive to call out. She said she wanted to call but I'm not sure if I'm buying it. I mean come on the drinks alone on cruise are like 7-10 dollars a piece and she told me she got drunk every day. So, here is "the good" stuff. I straight up asked her if she talked to or hung out with any of the staff members on the cruise. She said no, and that the staff were not allowed to hang out with the passengers. The next day after I talked to her, she told she talked to the DJ at one of their night clubs and afterwards he hung out with them on the deck and I believe it was like 4 am. He gave her his email address for me b/c we have similar interest in electronic music. She did give me the email address but why would I "not even meeting him", would I email him and why would she lie to me about not hanging out with the staff. She gets really pissed off even if I bring it up to question her about it. Also before we were married, she cheated on me 3 or 4 times while I was out of town and since I forgave her back then, this is bringing up those old thoughts and I'm finding it hard to believe her. If anyone could give me good advice on this matter please respond. Thank You.

[Skeered]

Trust is so key in a relationship/marriage...I think that if your trust is gone than no matter what she says or does you can't truly believe and you are always on your guard.

 

I truly feel you should both seek counseling so she can understand that getting mad when you ask questions of her faithfulness while away is not the way to handle it. Instead she should understand because of her past indescretion that she needs to be reassuring and sensitive to your feelings.

On the other hand you need to start seeking help of learning to trust again. No one on here can tell you if she cheated or not because we were not there. However if you can't trust her and you continue to feel and accuse her of this possibility if she's done it in the past more than likely she could sway the direction...kinda the saying if I'm going to be blamed for doing it I might as well.

 

I think you both need help to recover from the past so you both can enjoy your future. IMO...

[reservoirdog1]

If you don't totally trust her (and you know from past experience that she's capable of cheating), I suggest you put a keylogger on the computer, so you can see if she emails that guy.

 

It's entirely possible that it's innocent. But it's also possible (and I'm not trying to instill paranoia here) that she willingly disclosed the DJ's email address to throw you off the scent. My XW was good at that -- she was always very forthright about who she was spending time with, brought them into my life, made sure I knew them, etc. What she of course neglected to mention was that she was f*cking them too. But I'd been successfully bought off by the fact that there was, to paraphrase something from Kennedy conspiracy theories, "plausible deniability except at the most secret point." So much so that I was too blind to see her for what she turned out to be.

 

It's also troubling that she gets pissed off if you even inquire. That's another standard cheater tactic -- put the cheated on the defensive and make THEM feel bad for doubting the cheater.

 

You've been burned by her before, so my advice, buddy, is to watch out, and not blindly take her at face value. Otherwise known as "trust but verify."

[Moose]

My advice is not to allow a situation like this happen again.

 

I have total 110% trust in Mrs. Moose, but for her to go on a 5 day cruise with a bachloretter party???? (She wouldn't do it anyways)

 

You asked for it.......

[RecordProducer]

The DJ is not really staff and since she gave you his email address, I don't think they had sex. That would be way too arogant on her part. But then again, maybe she IS arogant given that she cheated on you 3 or 4 times. So is it 3 or 4? You stopped counting? Plus it's her alibi too.

 

The alarming part is that she got drunk every night. You may directly provoke the DJ and/or some of her friends who were on the cruise with her. You might discover some valuable information. You can't play guessing games. Either dig the truth out or let it go. The doubt is always eating you up harder than the truth.

[Topper]

She cheated on you 3 or 4 times and you married her? I'm suprised she hasn't brought someone home and made you mix the drinks while she takes him into the other room.