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Hi I'm new and would like to ask some advice from people who are married or engaged with this question.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and we have talked about getting married. There is one thing that bugs me about him and that is sometimes he gets really quiet and I'm not sure if something is wrong. When I ask him, he tells me that nothing is wrong, but then later that night he will tell me that something really was bugging him.

 

Is there anyway to shorten the 4 to 5 hours of waiting and silence or is this how a typical male deals with issues?

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First of all, don't agree to marry anyone without going out for a long time. A year minimum. Secondly, read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. There's a pretty good guide to male behavior there.

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slubberdegullion

I agree with Outcast on the first part of her post. Don't even think about marriage until at least a full year.

 

Where her and I part company is on the Mars/Venus book. It may give a broad overview of male behaviour, but IMHO that's about all. With that said, it may be worth a read, but don't expect it to answer all your questions.

 

If your man goes quiet, let him be. He's probably dealing internally with emotional stuff, and it's generally not in a man's psyche to talk about it or otherwise let it out.

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There is one thing that bugs me about him and that is sometimes he gets really quiet and I'm not sure if something is wrong. When I ask him, he tells me that nothing is wrong, but then later that night he will tell me that something really was bugging him.

 

Is there anyway to shorten the 4 to 5 hours of waiting and silence or is this how a typical male deals with issues?

 

Speaking from my own experience, if I overtly reacted to something right then & there, I have often said or done things that I've regretted later.

 

So, I try (the operative word being TRY ) to control myself enough so that the reaction is not so unbecoming of a gentleman or otherwise disturbing. During this time, I think about the issue, & decide what, if any reaction is appropriate.

 

A few weeks ago, Gina had made some comment about something at which I took offense. However, rather than knee-jerk react, I kept my peace, considering whether it was worth "going ballistic" over.

 

Apparently it wasn't, as attested to by the fact that by bedtime I could not even remember what it was that I found so upsetting.

___________________________________________

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra

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Men will only talk about what is bugging them when they feel like...If they feel like it. So, just listen and be there for him when he's ready. Don't push it and let him have some space to figure things out. I mean, don't ignore him, but don't be in his face. Show love and support, do something nice for him...

 

I wouldn't worry too much, just be glad he opened up by the end of the night. Some men can't even do that!

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Is there anyway to shorten the 4 to 5 hours of waiting and silence

You're lucky THORNS...with some men and women it is 4 or 5 months...:)

 

Show love and support, do something nice for him...

Yes...like make him his favourite supper. For me that would be a nice and tender pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and peas and some real nice home-made rolls with butter. Mmmmm...:laugh:

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Yes...like make him his favourite supper. For me that would be a nice and tender pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and peas and some real nice home-made rolls with butter. Mmmmm...:laugh:

 

PEAS? Oh Alpha...Cum on! :lmao:

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Wow! Thanks for the info you guys! You're right At least a year is a sound decision. Marriage wuold be a first for us and we want to be smart about it. I will check out the book Outcast and thank you for the reccommendation.

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All we are saaaayyyyiiinnnggg,

is Give Peas A Chance

 

No way. Keep your PEAS to yourself! :laugh:

 

Glad to help Thorns, and I hope things work out.

 

It is hard living together, learning how to BE together, not only as a couple but to BE alone together in the same house and make it all fall into place.

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Some men like to be secretive.. My h has a hard time opening up to me and i am totally different i feel that we should always tell one another how we feel no matter what .. i feel that you should get to know a person before taking the big plunge !! Maybe try living together cause i don't think you can know a person enough to get married after a short period sometimes it means longer depends on the individual.. Good luck:bunny: :D

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So, I'm that way with my fiance. I hate conflict, so sometimes it takes me awhile to come out with what's upsetting me. It also helps me decide if what I'm upset about is a reasonable thing to be upset about, sometimes it's not.

My fiance won't let it go though. He thinks it's not good for me to fester on whatever it is, so he keeps at me until I tell him. I say, let him know that you can tell something is bothering him, and that when he's ready, you want to listen. Donn't pester him though.

 

 

 

 

Lesuire Young Sweet Peas.....YMMMMMMM...:D

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men do seem to hold in their emotions more than women. ( who can go all over the place with their's!) But part of being in a commited relationship is helping each other. Maybe he just likes to reflect on his thoughts before he shares them. At least he eventually comes around, some men just let it fester and have a very difficult time communicating.

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