Sheba Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I found my boyfriend looking at my wedding pictures. I had decided to keep them and pack them away. I have been divorced for over 8 years. I was upset that my boyfriend was looking at them. I don't really like the way I look in those pictures. I feel as if it is a part of my past that is there but not to be re-lived. Finally, and most of all, I find it really troubling that he feels no pangs of jealousy. I got angry at him. What do you think? Should I keep them or toss them? Should he look at them or leave them? Is it odd that he feels no jealousy or normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 maybe he was just curious. I would not read too much into it. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Finally, and most of all, I find it really troubling that he feels no pangs of jealousy. I got angry at him. Why do you want him jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Can you explain why exactly you got angry??? I don't think he should be jealous. I am not jealous to see my BF's pics with his ex-wife either, although I can be very jealous of other women. It's okay that he was looking at them since he found them. Wouldn't you be looking at his? It's not his fault that you didn't hide them. Your wedding pics are yours so you can toss them if you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Yeah, I would actually find it a little more troubling if he had pangs of jealousy. Assuming that your marriage started and ended without the current BF in the picture, I would like to think that he is secure enough to accept that you have a past before him, and that it doesn't threaten him. If he had any jealousy, I would be concerned about where that would be coming from... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I can't throw out pictures -- in fact I've been known to buy photos of other people at flea markets! I have old pics of past boyfriends and I've seen pics of hubby's old girlfriends -- we have them all here. The way I look at it is that even if a relationship/marriage ended poorly - there were some happy times during the relationship (those are most likely reflected in the photos -- people don't normally take pics of sad times) and its interesting to see what a SO looked like back then and to know they were happy and to recognize that all experiences have a hand in shaping who we are today. It doesn't mean reliving those times - maybe remembering events that helped us to grow. Your bf was probably just curious about you and seeing how you looked back then and maybe would be comforted to know that you had some happy times before he came along too. It would be an awful burden to think that the person you love had no happiness before and that all happiness rested on their shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I was upset that my boyfriend was looking at them.... Finally, and most of all, I find it really troubling that he feels no pangs of jealousy. I got angry at him. Oh, calm yourself, woman. Unless he was grilling you about your past, there is absolutely no reason to tear him a new one. And the fact that he didn't express any jealousy is good, not bad. Go give him a hug. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 If my girlfriend wanted to see my old wedding pictures it would not bother me. It is a part of my past and going through that divorce changed me for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Nor should you destroy the photos unless you have a lot of hostility towards him (but NOT if you have kids with him!!). Your photos are mementoes of your past and there's no earthly reason to destroy all records of your life before this partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 He is a smart man...I don't think he should be jealous, that's in the past! It would be ridiculous of him to get all worked up about something that happened way before his time with you and that he already knows about. I think he was just curious. As for throwing out your pics, I would not do it. Those are memories and whether things ended up bad between you and your ex nothing those pics still include you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Being a photographer, I hang on to everything. So, maybe just pack it up in a box and put it on the top shelf in your closet. Try not to be upset with him. This is your issue not his. He snooped, so yeah OK you can get irked with that, but to be upset with him because he didn't get jealous is abit much. I think also he was probably abit curious and since you are together as a couple, why hide your past? Don't make this into something... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I think it is natural for a SO to be curious about your past. My last GF asked me to see pics of my ex-wife and step daughter.. It seemed weird to me and made me feel juts a tad uncomfortable but I did it anyway.. I think she was thrown back a bit when she saw my ex-wife was a total knockout hottie and was hotter than she was.. I guess that is why she wanted to look.. to see where she fell on my looks scale.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Gotta ask this. What if he had flipped out and gotten all jealous? What if he told you "throw it out!" How would you feel? Probably angry and taken back, right? So, be happy with his reaction. It was normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I find it interesting that most of you kept your pictures. Why? Do you actually look at them, or just throw them in the closet? (Assuming you don't have children.) Why did you keep them? Or is it the 'pack rat' mentality? I'm just curious. I threw out all of my wedding photos. The past is the past, and all of the things I need to remember, and learn from, are in my head already. I never felt I needed a photo to remind me of what I experienced first hand. I'm quite aware that I may just be weird though. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I keep them because I have a poor visual memory and because people in them have since died. I don't think it has anything to do with 'pack rat mentality' - watch any news report about any disaster and you'll see that of all their belongings, people most mourn the loss of their photos. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Some people, myself included, cannot throw pictures out! Especially ones that ya paid for! Someday the children will want to see those pictures, so that is another reason to hang on to them. (If there are kids involved.) Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I had my husband keep pictures of his ex wife for his son. I put them away. He was about to tear them up when I stopped him. He hasn't seen any of my wedding pics- I left them with my exh. I don't think it would bother him though. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Especially ones that ya paid for! Well yes. I think the point would be if you don't want to keep photos, then don't take them in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheba Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 Thank you for your answers. Not only am I "in the minority", I would appear to be alone! I don't particularly want the photos, but will keep them in the interest of maintaining a historical record. I have kept them this long for that reason! I will get off my partner's case about this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
mcgee0 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 You keep those pictures as a reminder of the mistakes you made in your past. Why should he be jealous of that? Be glad you have a man who is above that. He simply wants to know you well, so take it as a complement. I can't believe you got mad b/c he wan't jealous. Your bf is probably just a realist who takes things as they come. I think that you shouldn't expect him to get jealous over some old photographs. I would only be worried if he DID get jealous! Seriously, don't read too much into this. Link to post Share on other sites
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