What's Up, What Do I Do??

[spiritual73]

K, here goes........I love my husband very much and he totally returns the love. That aside, I am finding that we have come to the point where we have nothing in common at all anymore it seems. We've been together since highschool(together since 1989, married since 1997), so highschool sweethearts. We use to have many things in common it seemed, but now that I look back it was partying, drinking, and smoking pot!!(which I've quit, but he hasn't). I am extremely active and love to go to the gym, swim, hike, walk, exercise period. He's a smoker, doesn't exercise barely at all, collects like everything, and would prefer to sit home and play his computer/Xbox games that to get out together. He's reason "All you like to do is go out drinking, and I'm not into that!!" Which isn't true, I love going to the movies, bowling, or even just a walk/hike together would suit me fine. Sometimes he's all for it, other times I can tell he's just doing it to shut me up. So lately, as much as I love him I'm finding I feel lonely, and alone. We have sex usually when he wants it, and if I don't feel like it or I'm not in the mood he just can't seem to take no for an answer with me giving in all the time. Sometimes I feel so attracted to him, and other times, I find myself trying to be. I'm very confused here, because I know in my heart I love him, but is that enough?? Basically I'm looking for someone who can relate, or who is in similar situations for advice. Any would be great. Thanks.....

[submart]

My hobbies are the same as yours and I dated a guy for quite some time who was exactly into the things as your husband.

 

We made it work as long as we possibly could, than we woke up and realized we are two totally different people....much aside common interests.

 

Common interests are very important to making a relationship last, but how are the other aspects of your marriage? Similar religion, goals in life, personalities, etc.

 

Get him active if you can. Ask him to join you for a hike, and let him know how much it turns you on to see him all sweaty after he exercises.

 

I don't think this alone will break your marriage, but do talk to him about everything. Look to try new activities together.

 

How old are you both?

[mcgee0]

I have the same realization coming up in my marriage. I'm the active person as well and my husband tries his best to keep up when he joins me. I got married in high school as well. I think one option for you would be to find new hobbies together. Tell him you'll learn to play some of his video games ( or whatever) if he'll go to, say, an art class with you. Even if one of you doesn't enjoy one activity as much as the other, at least you will be spending time together, which will make you grow closer together. The funny thing about relationships is that you often end up with your opposite, b/c they make up for traits that you lack. I think this can be worked through, especially if you also go to marriage counselling. Probably if he quit smoking pot he would discover a world of new interests.