13lue13ug18 Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 I got married last year to a long time accqaintance that became more, everything is going good. But I recently found a long lost friend of mine that is the opposite sex. We had the most platonic friendship I've ever had with a guy, back then things were so good between us I did'nt know he liked me or anything. All the while we had a great connection...and one day it hit me...that I was falling for him as well. But he ended up with another girl for the next 6 years, and just a few days ago I found him. We caught up on the past...everything...about liking eachother...he wouldn't have been with her that long..blah blah...then the feelings just came back...we had soo much more incommon now then ever. But I'm married...and I feel I am only with my husband for safety reasons... Can someone give some insites? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Are you sure that this guy just didn't stir up old feelings? DO you love your husband? Is he a good person? Seems you may have married too young and settled. Is the other guy married too or have that girlfriend? You need to take a step back and decide what you want to do. If you don't love your husband, then end the marriage. It's not fair for him, or you to stay together if you're unhappy. Atleast then he can get over you and find someone else who will love him the way he deserves. Were you happy with your husband before the other guy showed up? I suggest going to marriage counselling and definately tell your husband how you feel. He deserves to know. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 It's just nostalgia. If you saw this guy everyday, you'd be platonic all over again. The sudden encounter made you excited, that's all. Or else, you're just not ready for marriage. It happens. Link to post Share on other sites
13lue13ug18 Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 I suppose I asked a question that I already knew the answer to...and I do love husband...but old feelings did come back. I know what I'm doing...it's just what is lost I can't get back that makes me a little sad. The other guy isn't married nor has a g/f...and he doesn't want to get in the way of anything... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Then leave him be and focus on your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 I agree, it's not worth ruining your marriage. Just force yourself to get over it. I think we all have our doubts and crushes once in a while, and it may seem as if we're just staying married because it gives a strong feeling of safety. But it's much more than that (well, in most cases). What if your husband walked up to you today and told you he doesn't know if he wants to stay with you because he has no feelings for you and fell for a very good friend of his instead? Link to post Share on other sites
13lue13ug18 Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 If he honestly knows that he no longer loves me and if there were any implications of anything that I couldn't work on that was a problem that he had to confined in his friend that he was more compatible together...then I'd let him leave. I think everyone has the right to love...and at that love the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
13lue13ug18 Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 And safety as in...the comfort zone, money wise...security...not having to do anything... I don't know myself...or where I want to be and I didn't astablish that when I wasn't with him...I'm the type that has always been in a relationship...I do't know the real me alone...independent...I just have things handed to me... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Better make a decision now before the kids arrive. If they're already here, oh boy... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Hey Twinkie, Ask yourself do you really love this guy or it is somthing lacking in your marriage? Do you love your h? Would you ever cheat on him? If you don't love your h and you want to cheat then you owe it to your h to leave him before you go and cheat.. Otherwise if you want to stay with your h you should forget this other guy otherwise this will cause problems for your marriage.. Tell the other guy you are married and you love your h and he needs to move on!!! Good luck hope it works out for your h and you do the right thing!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
13lue13ug18 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Easier said then done...the guy is a very dear friend of mine...of 9 years...he know's I'm married...and he doesn't want to get in the way of it. But I don't plan on pursuing anything, but my marriage...it's the best decision...it's just those "WHAT IF" questions that plague me. And no I have yet to concieve any babies... Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 it's just those "WHAT IF" questions that plague me. Everytime you make any choice you end up with "what if" questions. It is unavoidable. Say you decided to pursue this thing with your friend. Then you have "what if I had stayed with my husband?" questions. So basically, you need to just be adult and make a decision, and live with the consequences of that decision. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Everytime you make any choice you end up with "what if" questions. It is unavoidable. Say you decided to pursue this thing with your friend. Then you have "what if I had stayed with my husband?" questions. So basically, you need to just be adult and make a decision, and live with the consequences of that decision. Damn right. Link to post Share on other sites
13lue13ug18 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I conjure "What If" questions often, but none bother me to this extent... Anyhow...I've decided to stick with my hubs... I am trying not to talk to my friend till he moves on of state... Link to post Share on other sites
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