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What to do-my husband is an ass!

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Old 2nd October 2005, 1:02 AM   #1
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Unhappy What to do-my husband is an ass!

I need to know what to do when your husband is just so thoughtless in the simplist everyday things. I know he has always been moody, but I am getting down right sick of it. I am a stay at home mom, and I do pretty much everything for the house, even the yardwork and washing the cars.
I spent the better half of today waxing one of the cars today, came in and made lunch for everyone and then worked in the yard. My husband and son had tickets for a hockey game tonight and I was in the backyard working on the pool cleaner and all of a sudden it occurred to me that they should probably be leaving soon. I walked in the house and they had left alright, left the garage wide open, no goodbye or nothing. I called my son on his cell phone and thanked them for letting me know they had left, then I asked to speak to my husband, he reluctantly got on the phone and claimed he didnt know where i was....Now I have been thinking about this for a few hours now and it just infuriates me. we are suppose to go out of town next weekend and have his mother watch the kid, I am thinking of staying home because its just one more thing in a long line of incidents that he has done like this. I have no desire to be around someone so thoughless. It also infuriates me that my 14 year old son couldnt come say good bye to me. Its one thing my husband to act that way but another for my son too. Just a little background,- we have been married over 16 years and have been through numerous counselors and church marriage programs. About 6 months ago I told my husband that sometimes he is very insensitive to my feelings, this was after we went shopping together and I was up at the cashier and he strolls up and looks at the size of the shirt I was getting and said very loudly "You wear an XL?", I was quite embarressed. Now I admit that I have gained weight over the years and am not a size 8 (double that in fact), but I have always felt that you should love your spouse regardless. I just dont know how to respond to him when he does these things. This is usually followed by several days of him ignoring me and my son. HELP!!!
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Old 2nd October 2005, 9:07 AM   #2
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Well, he sounds VERY selfish and has some Narcissistic traits. What a poophead he's being.

Can I ask how long he's been like this? Or it is just over the years he's become this...And also, does he have a temper? All I know is going into a snit and ignoring you and your son for a bunch of days is such an immature thing to do. By purposely doing that he is shutting you out and punishing you! That's just plain cruel, especially for your son as I'm sure he doesn't understand wtf his dad is doing and why.

Do you love him enough to work through the problems? I believe something else is going on inside him, maybe midlife crisis or he's just tired of the daily grind of life. Either way he needs a swift kick in the butt!

If you feel you're fed up, maybe a separation is something to think about. The damage his doing to your son will stay with him for many years. To be ignored by a parent hurts very deep. That is something you need to point out to him! It's one thing to ignore you if he's pissed off, but to do that to his own son when the kid didn't DO anything wrong, is just plain awful. I feel for what you're going through and I hope your husband gets over himself. He needs some one on one therapy!
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Old 3rd October 2005, 5:04 PM   #3
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*LOL* sorry, but the title to this thread is great!
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Old 3rd October 2005, 6:12 PM   #4
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One ass here I was that way at times in my marriage. I got mad at the stupidest damn things. Why? hell if i know, but now im getting divorced, it sucks hard. I love my wife but if I was married to me I would divorce myself.
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Old 3rd October 2005, 11:23 PM   #5
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Hey Pamos,
I am so sorry that your h is such an ass but i so can relate to you.. I have an ass for h too!! My h has never said anything about my size.. I am sorry he is putting you down you deserve better than that.. He should love you now matter what !! That is a real big jerk in my book .. My h can be an ass but he has never been that cruel.. Good luck
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Old 6th October 2005, 1:33 PM   #6
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Former ass speaking now. Feel like I need to stand up and announce " Hi My name is Hyjacked and I was an Ass" like I am at a Ass Anomynous mtg.

People will treat you and in this case your H in a manner in which you allow him to.
Consider doing what ever it takes to break the legacy your son is being trained into. If I say it, it may stand out a bit more.
Your now precious son too will become an ASS with the odds perpetuating to a higher level than his father from the validation of learned from his Dad that this is exceptable behavior.

Wouldnt it be sad for you to watch your son be this way to another person?

I was an Ass to my first wife (stay at home mom too!) One fine evening she put the brakes on. I knew she was drop dead serious about taking my sons and moving on with out me. She did leave that night, got her living accommodations and came back for the kids. She moved in with her pastor by the way. 4 monthes of separation and the thought of not seeing my boys everyday sobered me up in a real hurry.

I got myself some help and worked very hard at learning sensitivity for her and people in general. We got back together for some yrs but she fell into a bitterness and turned into an ass herself. I fired my wife after near 10 yrs of taking her abuse. She held the high cards with my kids as she reminded me but I made the choice she has no right to treat me that way anymore.

Bought me joint custody with a $ettlement.
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