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H is drinking again after 3 years of being sober!


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Old 10th September 2005, 4:32 PM   #1
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Angry H is drinking again after 3 years of being sober!

H has been sober for 3 years. His drinking was causing a lot of problems w/ our M. He was out almost every night drinking w/ his friends and coming home drunk, he even drove our children home drunk. He would usually drink a 12 pk or more several times a week. He was a very angry drunk, a few times I caught him peeing in the corner of the bedroom b/c he was so drunk he thought he was in the bathroom! I told him he either quits drinking or the children and I were going to leave. He quit drinking. If he did drink he would drink NA beer. It has been exactly 3 years since he quit and today he brought home margarita mix and made a drink and is sitting here drinking it.

Don't ya think if you're an alcoholic (which he denies ever being one) you should never drink again, even one drink? He sees nothing wrong w/ having one drink. He said he didn't put much alcohol in the drink. I am not very happy w/ him right now.
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Old 10th September 2005, 4:41 PM   #2
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Sounds like he fell of the wagon. So did he stop on his own? Or did he go through AA meetings? Anytime someone quits something as drinking/drugs/smoking etc, sometimes it may take a few times before they actually stop for good. However, after 3 years thats pretty good, but sounds like he fell again. I'm not trying to justify him drinking again, and I can understand your frustration. However, since you stated he never thought he had a problem then sounds like theres where alot of the problem lies. He stopped for you because he thought you and the kids were gonna leave, he didn't stop for himself. Until he makes it up in his mind that he has a problem and wants help for himself then hes probably not going to truly stop. I would suggest to him maybe going to some AA meetings and see if that helps. Good luck.



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Old 12th September 2005, 6:24 PM   #3
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Ouch. When I read that he drank "near-beer" I cringed. That's like an addict smoking "near-crack" just not good.

Sounds like your husband needs AA in a big way. If he's not an alcoholic, tell him he can go without fear - no one's ever caught alcoholism in a meeting.

You may want to consider Al-anon. It's a great support system for the spouses and loved ones of an alcoholic. They won't try to tell you what decisions to make - just help you find a peaceful frame of mind to make them from.

Good luck to you and your children.
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Old 12th September 2005, 8:15 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by New_Wife
Ouch. When I read that he drank "near-beer" I cringed. That's like an addict smoking "near-crack" just not good.
I'm a sober alcoholic of over 18 years and one of the first things my sponsor told me was about drinking near beer.

He used to say that you are just setting yourself up for a slip.
For an alcoholic there is no difference between near beer and the real thing..
They are just telling themselves it's okay to drink and before long the near beer turns into the real thing..

An alcoholic has a disease that tells himself that it is okay to drink and continue the behavior the way it is.. It is a system of denial

Get your Hubby to AA if you can .. You need to go to Al-anon as well even if he doesn't sober up.

good luck and don't take any crap from him.. I put a woman I loved thru total hell when I was drinking and only today 18 years later can I say how fu**ed up it had to be for her
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Old 12th September 2005, 8:39 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Art_Critic
I'm a sober alcoholic of over 18 years and one of the first things my sponsor told me was about drinking near beer.

He used to say that you are just setting yourself up for a slip.
For an alcoholic there is no difference between near beer and the real thing..
They are just telling themselves it's okay to drink and before long the near beer turns into the real thing..

An alcoholic has a disease that tells himself that it is okay to drink and continue the behavior the way it is.. It is a system of denial

Get your Hubby to AA if you can .. You need to go to Al-anon as well even if he doesn't sober up.

good luck and don't take any crap from him.. I put a woman I loved thru total hell when I was drinking and only today 18 years later can I say how fu**ed up it had to be for her
Thank you AC for replying to my thread. No, H did not go to AA. I told him that he should (when he quit) to get the support and help he needed. He told me he didn't need to go, he could do it on his own. Well, he did, but then he had that drink 3 years later. He made a blender full of it but only had a small glass. He didn't put much rum in it, I couldn't even taste any when I took a drink, but he did put some in. He said he had no help w/ quitting chewing so he said he didn't need help quitting drinking.

Sometimes I wonder if me making him quit didn't make him "fall off the wagon." I asked him in the past if he resents me for making him quit and he said no, that he knew it was causing problems and he thought it was for the best. I just wish ppl who did drink didn't give him ***** about not drinking.
When he finished the glass he told me he felt the effects of the alcohol and he said he didn't like the feeling.

I admit, I still drink beer on occassion and there are times I drink too much and I feel like crap the next day. He told me he doesn't miss that feeling and has no intentions of drinking again but then he makes that glass of margaritas (which he never usually drank, it was usually beer).

He hasn't had a drink since then. He likes the taste of beer so that is why he is drinking the NA and has done so for years. Personally, I think NA taste nasty and it taste a lot stronger to me.

I just hope that this was a one time thing. Last year for New Years he bought me a bottle of chamagne and he said he had no intensions of drinking any of it and he didn't.
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Old 12th September 2005, 8:51 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mopar crazy
He made a blender full of it but only had a small glass.
There is a saying among us Alchee's

" One drink is too many and a thousand is not enough "

It's the first drink that kills us..

I think that if your husband is an Alcoholic then he just put himself on VERY shakey ground. Alcoholism is a progresive disease and his drinking will start where it left off..
It will aslo progress very rapidly and go downhill as fast.

Many people who quit drinking are not Alcoholics but I say this with the warning to you to not use this as a crutch if he continues to drink but because it is true.



Quote:
Originally Posted by mopar crazy
Sometimes I wonder if me making him quit didn't make him "fall off the wagon." I asked him in the past if he resents me for making him quit and he said no, that he knew it was causing problems and he thought it was for the best.
DO NOT take ANY responsibility for his drinking or not drinking EVER. !!!
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