melodicintention Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 I have been married since 2001. We separated but were working on it. In 2009 I paid for a vacation for us in the summer that we had a blast on. He emailed me in November wanting pictures and telling me I am beautiful. Then....he disappeared. Fast forward 10 years, I find his number from his friend and call him to see whats going on. He blabs out he's been married for 10 years now. I'm like, Um dude, we are married and I didn't know where you were all this time. It went downhill fast the more I started cluing into the lies and confronting him for them. He went from nice (but very nervous) to now he's been RAGING at me in emails, accusing me of being the problem, trying to push through an annulment based on me being "mentally ill" and is very divisive. He is being controlling and trying to get me to act NOW. But I told him that he's lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on my part so he'll have to wait until I get a lawyer. He now, after raging at me in multiple emails the past few days, now he's gone totally silent. My friends think he's trying to hide this completely from the woman he is with, thus his urge to make me act fast. I wanted to see if anyone else thinks that why he has gone quiet all of a sudden, that he's finally seeing the damage he created and now is figuring out how to tell the woman? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Judging by your history, you've been dating and living a full life without him, so I don't know why you're bothering with confronting him about lies and engaging with him in any way at all. You say he's controlling because he wants it done now....but if we're doing labels, I would say that your current behaviour is equally passive aggressive. Why bother to contact him if not to get a divorce? Why not just agree to the annulment and get rid of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 "Why bother to contact him if not to get a divorce? Why not just agree to the annulment and get rid of him?" Probably because she needs to get a lawyer and do what's best for her AFTER having received legal advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Fast forward 10 years Have to agree with Basil. If he's (literally) ghosted you for a decade, hard to understand how you haven't moved on to a new life without him. After 7 years, the courts would declare him legally dead. Marriage wise, so should you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 "Why bother to contact him if not to get a divorce? Why not just agree to the annulment and get rid of him?" Probably because she needs to get a lawyer and do what's best for her AFTER having received legal advice. The way it reads, she's taking her good sweet time getting a lawyer Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 I don't think she should agree to "mental illness" on her a part to get the annulment rushed through. That could a have serious implications for her later and she would in fact be lying to a Govt. agency. Legal advice and quick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Listen to your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 I don't think she should agree to "mental illness" on her a part to get the annulment rushed through. That could a have serious implications for her later and she would in fact be lying to a Govt. agency. Legal advice and quick. Definitely get legal advice. I agree to NOT accept YOUR having mental illness as grounds. He can be the one to claim he's mentally ill. heh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 You need to see a lawyer. And his 'wife' needs to know that her marriage is fraudulent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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