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Wife's intimacy issues


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Blades of grass

My wife and I have been married since 2015 her sex drive has been going down hill for awhile. It's to the point we're only intimate once or twice a month and it feels like pitty sex. There is no foreplay from her, oral sex is almost out of the question.. i mean I have only gotten oral twice in over two years it use to be almost daily when we were first together. But she still expects to get it from me. She has even went so far as to telling me oral sex and other stuff is for special occasions. I have to initiate love making about 99% of the time and her 1% is grabbing me. I have talked to her about this and the answer is always it will get better or she's to tired or isn't feeling well. I mean I get the being to tired part and not feeling well but She doesn't work, hardly cooks, or cleans and I put in 40 to 70 hours a week and then cook and clean) she will sit on her phone all day and I truely mean all day in the past 3 months the longest time she has stayed off of Facebook is 54 minutes unless she's asleep. We can't watch a movies together without her phone being on Facebook during it, she goes to go pee and it's 10 or 15 minutes in the bathroom. When She gets up and it's straight to Facebook and then all day and it's the last thing she does before bed and that's if she doesn't wake up during the night if that's the case it's Facebook or words with Friends game some times until I have to get up for work. I have talked to her about her Facebook usage and that has sparked a few arguments and only one time did she suspended her account only for a day... I've talked to her about marriage counseling and she will not go.

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If she is glued to her phone, maybe it would be a good idea to see what is on it. Don't tell her, just look. I'm betting that you wont like what you will see...:(

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Blades of grass

That is one thing I will be doing as I just recently found out her password. It does disturb me that after the longest fight we had which was a few months ago she had blocked me on Facebook for a couple of days and after coming to her senses we talked it out and she added me back on Facebook even though I don't use it much. She did get a Facebook message from an old friend that disturb me as it only said that she was a lying fake Martha Stewert home wrecker. I'm sure something was going on there but can't prove anything as she deleted him..but I have noticed she has her friends list blocked and I know she has her x as a friend. Her own words were he is crazy

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Sorry to hear this.

 

You will have to try by hook or by crook to gain access to her facebook account(s) and any other email or internet site accounts she is maintaining. Your answer to what is going on will be there.

 

If she won't share her passwords then there are key logger programs that can be used on a regular PC. I would think something similar is available for a smartphone.

 

Many people recommend looking through the phone bill for unknown numbers.

 

Good luck and prepare yourself.

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Blades of grass
Why doesn't she work?

 

About 2 to 3 years ago she told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom and hasn't worked since

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CautiouslyOptimistic
About 2 to 3 years ago she told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom and hasn't worked since

 

Oh ok. I didn't realize you have kids.

 

So someone called HER a lying homewrecker via FB message?? And she spends 15 minutes in the bathroom with her phone?

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Blades of grass
Oh ok. I didn't realize you have kids.

 

So someone called HER a lying homewrecker via FB message?? And she spends 15 minutes in the bathroom with her phone?

 

Yes her and I have a 3 year old and she has 3 other boys range from 6 to 12. The home wrecker thing was after probably our biggest argument ever and we decided to work things out it was later that night she got a Facebook message from this guy clay she knew him a years ago and just recently got back in touch I'm sure they were messaging back and fourth hes the one that said she was a fake a$$ Martha Stewert home wrecker she told me what the message was but said she had no clue as to why he sent that. And the at least 15 minute bathroom visit is ever time she uses the bathroom she always takes her phone. Don't get me wrong I understand it can take longer in the bathroom but every time it's at least 15 minutes

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Blades of grass

I think of she is cheating it's emotional cheating due to the fact that we moved 6 months ago away from her home town and 90% of her Facebook friends are from her home state. We live where I work one of the perks / nightmares of my job I have lunch everyday at home

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Yes her and I have a 3 year old and she has 3 other boys range from 6 to 12. The home wrecker thing was after probably our biggest argument ever and we decided to work things out it was later that night she got a Facebook message from this guy clay she knew him a years ago and just recently got back in touch I'm sure they were messaging back and fourth hes the one that said she was a fake a$$ Martha Stewert home wrecker she told me what the message was but said she had no clue as to why he sent that. And the at least 15 minute bathroom visit is ever time she uses the bathroom she always takes her phone. Don't get me wrong I understand it can take longer in the bathroom but every time it's at least 15 minutes

 

That is not a normal message to get on Facebook! I have 501 friends on Facebook, including a few exes, and I'm a pretty active user. I have NEVER gotten a message like that from anyone. Seems odd a MAN would call her a homewrecker and not a woman, but..... you need to regard this incident more seriously, I think.

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Orokotikki

Maybe emotional.

But don't bank on it. It only takes 15 minutes or so for most cheaters to meet for a quickie.

 

Can you afford a PI? Do you need evidence further to proceed?

 

I would already bet you my car she's cheating. Too many things sound like my wife during her A.

 

It is sometimes (but verrry rarely) just an EA... EA/PA far more common.

 

Can you vary your lunch times? You might get 'lucky' and catch them, but really better for your mental health to go with a PI I think.

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Divorce her, life is too short to live with this garbage.

 

^^^this^^^

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Blades of grass
Maybe emotional.

But don't bank on it. It only takes 15 minutes or so for most cheaters to meet for a quickie.

 

Can you afford a PI? Do you need evidence further to proceed?

 

I would already bet you my car she's cheating. Too many things sound like my wife during her A.

 

 

It is sometimes (but verrry rarely) just an EA... EA/PA far more common.

 

Can you vary your lunch times? You might get 'lucky' and catch them, but really better for your mental health to go with a PI I think.

 

Yes I do vary lunch breaks and it's always the same thing when I come home I see her sitting there on her cell and can barely take her eyes off of it long enough to say hi hunny. I think over the next few nights I will try to get ahold of her cell and see what I can

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Yes I do vary lunch breaks and it's always the same thing when I come home I see her sitting there on her cell and can barely take her eyes off of it long enough to say hi hunny.

 

This is quite rude.

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Divorce her.

 

Anyone that doesn’t work and spends all day on FB isn’t likely to change because you ask.

 

Only when she realizes you aren’t living this way anymore will she think twice.

 

Why isn’t she working full time?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Who's minding the 3-year-old while she has her nose in her phone all day?

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Talk about leaving out the most pertinent information. she's got a bunch of young kids so yes she's exhausted and not feeling sexy. This is not rocket science. I'm glad you're helping out, but being with kids all the time is just exhausting.

 

Facebook is all the life she's got time for and I agree with you that she's on it too much, but that seems to be her only contact with the outside world, but I would start by acknowledging that having a bunch of kids is exhausting and stop trying to minimize how much she does and validating her in that way and then asking her to stop being on Facebook when you are home and in the same room with her. Can't help you with the sex. She's exhausted and not feeling sexy. Also women don't give blowjobs their whole life. It's work.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
She's exhausted and not feeling sexy.

 

While I agree with this 100% (I was a SAHM for five years), it does not at all explain a Facebook message calling her a homewrecker!

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Sex issues dont just get better...

 

I dont think you're wife is cheating, I think she was cheating and is now in withdrawal. Likely the move was the catalyst for the affair ending. I know I'm speculating but what you've said sure does fit.

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When you take a good look at the phone bill you'll find her boyfriends number.

 

The rest is BS.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

We can always rely on Marc to tell it like it is! :)

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