LoveFiend Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 My wife got all in tears the other night. I lied to her that on my new job I was able to get off work 4th of July weekend, I actually have to work that weekend I just never knew how to tell her. So the easiest and painless way was to just ... tell her a little white lie and say well yes honey my boss gave me that weekend off. Now she can't stop crying because it was a big family reuion she was planning that only comes once every 3 years where her whole family gets together. I have to drive 6+ hours away to go to the reunion. I am on call that weekend and working. I wanted to make it through my probation period and keep this new job I landed so I took the holiday weekend of work no one else wanted to work. The schedule has already been posted, no going back now whats done is done. She already paid for the hotel and put over $200 into this family get together. The whole time for months I went along with it, saying "yes honey I can go looking forward to it" when I knew full well I had to work that weekend. Just trying to keep the job meant the world to me and I had a lot of performance warnings on the job and I wanted to do everything I could to make it through probation, even if that meant putting work before family and hurting my wife so be it. Now she can't stop crying. She keeps saying no one has hurt her this bad before, she is not forgiving what I just did. I mean can't she just be more understanding, I don't want loose my job? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 (edited) How on earth did you think that was a "little white lie"? You knew that you did not have that weekend off, so you knew there was no way you could actually fool her. You deliberately set her up to waste her money and her time. That is not a little white lie. What were you even thinking??? And you STILL don't seem to understand what you did wrong here. You talk about how you just didn't want to lose your job. Fine, you had to work! YOU DID NOT HAVE TO LIE. All you had to do, all along, was tell her that you needed to work that weekend. The problem is not that you are working instead of going to the reunion. The problem is that you lied to your wife. And worse, that you had no REASON to lie to your wife. You blatantly disrespected her, and for what? What did you think you were going to gain? A "little white lie" is generally when you fudge the truth to try and make someone else happy, like telling her that you enjoyed a party you went to together when actually you didn't. This was not a lie that would make her happy, this was a lie that was guaranteed to cause heartbreak. Now you have a wife who knows that you don't trust her, don't consider her feelings, and will lie to her for no reason. How can she believe anything you say to her now? You need to dig into the real reasons why you didn't just tell her the truth in the first place. Do some serious soul-searching. Honestly, this may even call for marital counseling. This is much more serious than you seem to think it is. Edited June 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 You have a terrible history of deliberately and cruelly upsetting your wife. You know she is going nowhere (she doesn't believe in divorce), so I guess you take some sort of pleasure out of it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 I can't fathom why you lied about this. It seems like an utterly ridiculous thing to lie about. However, your posting history indicates many problems between you and your wife. I am with Elaine; you seem to take some sort of pleasure in upsetting her and getting her wound up so you can play the victim. Don't you ever get tired of being a jerk to her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 Yet another story of cruelty against your wife. Are you capable of feeling empathy? Serious question. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 The writing is pretty much on the wall with the new job, not sure why you would ever do this... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 There is no way to make this up, the best you can do is go to your boss and get out of work and go to the family get together, that might at the very least soften her heart some as it would show you put her and her family first instead of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 The "ask for the time off" advice only works if the OP is a valued employee. In previous threads, he's stated that his boss is disappointed in him and likely to fire him. And OP urgently needs this job. So he really has no way out of this. He can only beg his wife for forgiveness and hope his marriage survives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 The "ask for the time off" advice only works if the OP is a valued employee. In previous threads, he's stated that his boss is disappointed in him and likely to fire him. And OP urgently needs this job. So he really has no way out of this. He can only beg his wife for forgiveness and hope his marriage survives. Indeed. And hope that he doesn’t lose the job because then it would have been for nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 The "ask for the time off" advice only works if the OP is a valued employee. In previous threads, he's stated that his boss is disappointed in him and likely to fire him. And OP urgently needs this job. So he really has no way out of this. He can only beg his wife for forgiveness and hope his marriage survives. It works in the real world since he is essentially balancing his marriage with his job and one is going to falter in this scenario.. which one is up to him. Sometimes you just have to act like an adult after you mess up.. in the case of the lie.. there is no making it up, she won't forgive him, he spent many months lying while she made arrangements.. He has to make a grand gesture in order to soften her heart and flowers and I'm sorry isn't even going to break the skin on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 Art Critic, have you read his other threads? This isn't an anomaly in their marriage. And this guy cannot afford to lose this job and benefits. His wife is a high school dropout with what sounds like a learning or developmental disability. She has health issues, and they need health insurance. Their marriage is, by OP's own description, a bit of a mess. There is no good solution here. He screwed up royally, and his options are to blow up the marriage or the job. And also based on other threads, if he blows up the job, the wife will probably not forgive that either. But honestly, the fact that he doesn't even acknowledge what a HUGE deal this is, the wife might be better off without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 i havent read your other threads ...but what this thread reminded me of was a song called "ive done all the dumb things".....you prioritised your job above your marriage and you lied to the one who loves you most in the world.... and not a little lie as you state....but a lie that has pretty bad repercussions for the relationship between you and your wife..... i feel for your wife...not because you lied to your wife or the fact you think less of her than your job ....i feel for her because she will stay with you it seems regardless of how you hurt her....get counselling and be good to your wife....in the future...be truly sorry when you hurt your wife.....you arent really sorry you hurt your wife....not this time..or you would know..this is not just a little white lie to smooth over.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
michzz Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 It was a a stupid lie. Most are. However, you have two paths forward. 1. Fess up and apologize. 2. Attempt to get the time off. a. Go on trip if given time off b. If can't get time off, send wife without you. OR Let it all blow up in your face. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 Why can't she go without you? Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 It's hardly in reality in a "on call" work situation that he can ask for the Holiday weekend off now with a set schedule. Usually the only way around it is to get someone to switch a weekend on call or flat cover for you. OP your stuck with the mess but I believe you know that. The question begs is why you sabotage yourself and your family? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) Any chance you can trade with coworker? I worked at a place with a schedule, a very unionized schedule and we could trade off with each other. Time to beg a coworker ... or beg a boss. They CAN do last minute changes--for illness and emergencies--jobs do this all the time. 1 And seriously figure out what the heck made you lie. Something is off that you would lie about this. There's nothing wrong with having to work on July 4th. Any chance your ego told you otherwise--that only "chumps" have to work? I almost lied once years ago because I was embarrassed that I had a shift that started at 12:01 a.m. Saturday ... i.e. midnight Friday night ... friends were going to a party ... I felt like such a loser having to go into work at midnight Friday. Driving into work at 11:45 p.m. Now I can see, there's nothing dishonorable about having to work an overnight shift or holiday. It was my job--that paid well! Nothing at all to be ashamed of. Edited June 14, 2019 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 You are conflict-avoidant. You can't deal with other people getting upset so you lie instead, which makes things 100x worse. It's a vicious cycle and it will only end when you learn how to deal with other people not liking your choices and are honest about them anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiceCat Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 Having read some of your other threads, honestly the best thing you could do for your wife is to divorce her. Some people are not meant to be married and you seem to be one of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Maybe he just enjoys having us yell at him? Link to post Share on other sites
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