Jump to content

Husband Dislikes My Body after baby


Recommended Posts

MissFuzzy

My husband and I have been together for over 4 years. I just gave birth to my beautiful baby boy 7 weeks ago.

During the course of my pregnancy he was very adamant about me applying oil to my body so I don’t get stretch marks. I did... twice daily. I got stretch marks all over my body, but they really aren’t too severe. We got in an argument when my stretch marks started to appear. Him accusing me of not applying it and that I should have used a different oil. I told him it’s mostly genetic there’s nothing I can really do. He says The way I was thinking was troubling to him. I said to him I’m going to get stretch marks, I’ll do the best I can to avoid it, but I don’t think they are that terrible looking. He said “well it doesn’t matter what you think, I’m the one that has to look at you.” That argument passed. Now... I’m breastfeeding my baby boy and I’m getting mild stretch marks on my boobs. He noticed them and said “why aren’t you applying oil?” I told him I was kind of busy taking care of our baby 24/7 and that it’s genetic... it’s out of my control. He yelled at me for an hour about how I don’t care about how I look. I have lots pretty much all the baby weight, I wear makeup for him, I dress up for him, I make sure we have sex whenever he wants it. I take care of myself and I’m way younger than him and in better shape. I just gave birth to our son. You’d think he would be a little more supportive. He says why can’t you just do this one thing for me, I don’t ask for much. I also overheard him talking to a fried about how he talked to this woman that was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. I get that men will always look at other women, but why does he have to point out my flaws? He bought me roses and apologized, but still mentioned to apply oil on my boobs.

 

I feel like absolute trash about myself. I just want to raise my baby boy and have a supportive husband that loves all of me. Is that unreasonable?

How do I deal with this? He’s making me feel so sad, I don’t even want to be around him let alone be intimate with him. I feel self conscious around him.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

That’s horrible. I’d start keeping a journal of the times he deliberately makes you feel bad about yourself. You’re going to have to start sorting through this the best that you can and getting it out on paper is better than keeping it in.

 

Then think about the man you would like to raise your son to be and figure out if your husband is a good enough role model.

 

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Try and let the joy of this big event drown out anything negative he throws your way.

 

Sons love their mothers in a way that no other man ever could.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

I am sorry but he clearly has no respect for you.

 

This kind of abuse will tear you down until you thoroughly hate yourself.

 

Why did you marry this man? He sounds like a controlling abusive, ignorant jerk.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m so sorry. You have every right to be upset.

 

You delivered his son - seven weeks ago. Rather than celebrating that achievement, he is shaming you and your body - for things that you can not control. That’s truly terrible.

 

Babies change a woman’s body. Age changes a woman’s body. If your husband isn’t mature enough to understand and accept those facts, then that is a real problem for you.

 

It’s very sad that he is ruining what should be a joyous time in your life. Yet, I don’t see this getting better. Unfortunately, I think you have had a child with a man who has the maturity of a teenage boy. An emotionally abusive teenage boy, at that! It hard to have a marriage and raise a family with someone like that.

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
major_merrick

That's so sad! And here I was being hard on myself for stretch marks and such after giving birth. I gave birth back in September, and promptly got pregnant again. IDK what I'd do if I didn't have a supportive husband.

 

Seems like he has a thing about oil. Oil just isn't a cure-all. He sounds ignorant. Has he ever known other pregnant women? Does he have a father who can talk some sense to him?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this unusual behaviour for your husband? Or has he always been controlling about your body?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
elaine567

He is older and he married a trophy.

Now that trophy is looking decidedly tarnished, he is annoyed and feels let down and less of a man. He is taking out his frustration on you. By making you feel bad, he feels a bit better...

He is now on the look out for newer, shinier trophy.

He did not marry you to raise babies, he married you for sex and to show off to his friends...

 

You need to get out before he reduces you to a shell of your former self.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MissFuzzy

You are so right. How did I not see this.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MissFuzzy
Is this unusual behaviour for your husband? Or has he always been controlling about your body?

 

No, he has always been this way, but not to this extent. It’s bothering me more now because I thought as a mother to his child he would have more respect. I stay at home and take care of baby while he works... which was my choice, but idk I’m feeling like this is becoming more of an ownership more than a partnership.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
pepperbird

I could be wrong, but my understanding is that stretch marks form due to a breakdown of collagen fibers under your skin as it stretches. I don't see how any "oil" will help with that. It's genetic, and some woman can carry twins and not get them while others who are pregnant with just one can develop them.

 

To me, they are badges of courage. They show what you were willing to go through to bring new life into the word...his son.

 

While no one ( even him) can control what he does and does not find attractive, he can act like an adult. If he can;t handle a few stretch marks, then he can shove his rotten attitude where the sun dosn't shine. I agree with other posters who have said he will be a role model for your son about how women, and others in general, should be treated. Is your husband's example really one you want him to follow?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

tanning blends stretch marks in so you are all one colour... unless you want to drop him (big lonely step), or man-hate... some moisturiser creams have ingredients that eliminate marks... go to a dermatologist, ask

Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

Don't tan! Your baby needs you to not have skin cancer.

 

This is not normal behavior for a husband. Not at all. He sounds atrocious.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like he’s a guy with money. Get a divorce and take him to the cleaners.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Self tanning isn’t going to change the fact that this guy is a disrespectful ass.

 

OP, your mistake was in thinking that this man would somehow change his colours when you had his child. It doesn’t usually work like that.

 

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
BettyDraper

You're not being unreasonable. Your husband is terrible!

 

Though I think it would be best to leave your husband, I understand that you may not want to do so since you just had a baby.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

How can a man possibly think it's OK to behave this way? I mean, does he look at himself in the mirror and say, "I'm totally reasonable and justified?"

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
pepperbird

No person, male or female, should ever be made to feel like they have to be ashamed of their body, especially when it's something you can't control.

 

Recommending tanning beds, a self tanner or some other "fix" won 't change his disrespectful attitude. It would be like you shoving a bottle of testosterone at him and telling him to take it because you don't find his paunch and lack of a "buff body" attractive.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Honey, your husband is just outright abusive and shallow. Having a baby never changed anyone for the better. Oftentimes it only makes stresses worse, or in this case, jerks worse. You can't let this jerk erode your self-esteem. Honestly, this isn't going to get better. He's THAT bad. If I were you I'd file for divorce rather than let him just destroy me and my child. You must realize his behavior and your behavior is what your child will learn to accept. Get out and save this child.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately you’re learning that poor behavior, left unchecked, will usually get worse with time. I’ve heard some guys say that becoming a father changed them for the better, but it’s a fallacy that having a child is going to correct bad behavior or strengthen a rocky relationship.

 

Reading between the lines, I would guess this guy makes good money. What we’re seeing here is a case where youth and beauty has been exchanged for financial stability and comfort. That’s not a knock on you, but it’s an example of why I think these sorts of relationships are often destined to falter.

 

Regardless, he’s totally in the wrong and delusional if he thought your body wouldn’t change after giving birth. I’m not sure how you get to older age without knowing that. I agree with others that you should divorce him. This will not get better because he sounds like he loves your youth and appearance rather than you as a person.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
How can a man possibly think it's OK to behave this way? I mean, does he look at himself in the mirror and say, "I'm totally reasonable and justified?"

 

Another question - does he look himself in the mirror and say "Damn, I'm hot. I have all my hair, my teeth are gleaming, my six pack abs are ripped, and my body is perfect!" Probably not... Nobody is perfect.

 

Don't ever let him make you feel "less than" because you have had a child and your body is not what it was before the child. That's an unrealistic expectation.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
I also overheard him talking to a fried about how he talked to this woman that was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

 

I feel self conscious around him.

 

I'll never forget when I was about 5 months post-partum with my second child and my exH was in his best friend's wedding. He begged to be paired up with this one bridesmaid who was, at the time, a gorgeous soap opera actress (she was not a good actress, never worked after that to my knowledge, and instead just married a wealthy NFL player). He actually told ME, I didn't even have to overhear it, that she was the "most beautiful woman in the world."

 

I would exit this marriage pronto and get away from this man if you ever want to NOT be self-conscious around a man again. I doubt I ever will be. (Not just because of that one incident I mentioned above).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
mark clemson

It's unfortunate that he appears to be both shallow and cruel. Yelling at you for an hour? It sounds like became an excuse to vent. Is there more to this?

 

I would suggest trying to nip this in the bud via marriage counseling (assuming this is a new thing). If you can't you may need to start thinking about exit strategies. :(

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
elaine567
... I’m feeling like this is becoming more of an ownership more than a partnership.

That is not uncommon in older guy/younger women partnerships.

He seeks out younger women in order for him to dominate and to be able to order them around. Equality isn't his thing, he needs to be in charge and a younger women being more naive and more easily moulded than a more mature woman is perfect.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't keep your child in this abusive relationship. You can send a message by your child realizing you left because no one should put up with this abuse.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...