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Narcissism characteristics


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Dandelioness

If you've been following my [thread on my partnership], a member commented about "gaslighting" which is quite fitting when describing my partner. What's attached to gaslighting personalities? Narcissism. I googled further:

 

"Conversation Hoarder. They love to talk about themselves and don’t give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. You struggle to have your views and feelings heard. When you do get a word in, if it’s not in agreement, your comments are likely to be corrected, dismissed, or ignored.

 

Conversation Interrupter. They interrupt and quickly switches the focus back to themselves. They show little genuine interest in you unless it serves them a purpose.

 

Boundary Violator . They show disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. They break promises repeatedly. They shows little remorse and blames the victim for one’s own lack of respect.

 

False Image Projection . Many like to do things to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This “trophy” complex can exhibit itself romantically, socially, financially, materially, or professionally. They use people and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the “real” self. The underlying message is: “I’m better than you!” or “I’m worthy of admiration and acceptance!”

 

Entitlement. They often expect preferential treatment. They expect others to cater to their needs, without being considerate in return.

 

Charmer. They can be very charismatic and persuasive. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted. However, once they lose interest in you, they may drop you without a second thought. They can be engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what they desire, and giving them all of your attention.

 

Grandiose Personality. They think of themselves as a hero. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot do without their contributions.

 

Negative Emotions. They enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They are sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight). On the other hand, they often are quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame. Some are emotionally abusive. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves.

 

Manipulation: They may use their romantic partner, child, friend, or colleague to fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws."

 

I see a lot of my partner in this. I wouldn't say heavily or even constant, but somenof our arguments have been based around this list.

 

The problem is, my partner has Multiple Sclerosis. Many of his lesions are in his brain. He gets new lesions every year but his physical symptom have remained the same.

 

I read a couple articles linking MS to altered personality disorders (narcissism being one of them). If lesions develop in certain parts of the brain, this can happen.. much like a person suffering from a stroke, depending on the location, can turn someone into an aggressive person s/he previously wasn't.

 

When we were started dating, I remember us talking about how easy it was for us to work through our differences. We were able to understand each other and move forward from a situation. In the past year or so, this has been a great struggle. I'm wondering if this is the case.

 

For those of you who have said "run!" it's not that easy. I've come across behaviours associated with MS before so I can't just leave him.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this?

We're currently looking for an MS counselor that can maybe help us understand this better.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Partnership threads merged and linked in starting post.
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loversquarrel

Well any personality disorder requires a professional diagnosis otherwise it's just conjecture. He actually has a serious medical diagnosis that negatively impacts normal brain function. His personality can absolutely "distort" because of his condition.

 

I have personally known two people with MS and a third that developed a brain tumor. All three developed changes in mood and behavior. The two who had MS were more gradual as the disease progressed, as to whether or not they presented as if they were narcissistic I couldn't tell as I didn't actually live with these people, but they were/are good friends.

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amaysngrace

I would try to avoid labeling someone with MS. That just seems so unfair.

 

It’s like when my mom got cancer. She became very irritable and often was irritating but that wasn’t my mom. That was the cancer.

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OK I get it.

By past threads, he disrespects you, he is probably cheating on you, he has the hallmarks of a "narcissist" or he is just a jerk, but you HAVE to stay in this miserable relationship as he has MS...

Yes, I guess it is all the fault of the MS...:rolleyes:

 

Get out now, it will only get worse, and I am not talking about the MS.

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MS can affect the nervous system so the patient can suddenly feel euphoric or sad. But, everybody knows right from wrong. My brother has MS, actually.

 

 

 

Am trying to say that MS is not a free pass to be obnoxious.

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Working with the MS counselor is a must. Yes, glad you researched. Because unfortunately, any brain injury or deterioration will affect different things depending the location, motor function, reason, temperament.

 

I sadly have a friend whose perfectly nice first husband went off the rails entirely after a couple of brain injuries that they never went to the doctor for. She didn't understand what was happening. He just lost his compass and his behavior went all the way downhill. He ran off with another woman and also became an addict, all because of brain trauma. He was a different person. He ended up very disorganized and just died at a young age living like that, though he did at least have a roof over his head. It's sad she never knew what was going on, but she never liked doctors, so she was part of the problem in not insisting he see a doctor after each accident. A person with a brain injury can completely lose their conscience if it's in the wrong spot. They can become a monster.

 

So you need to stay on top of it and be sure he has brain scans every so often and talk to the doctors about what to expect as this thing affects his brain. And do not stay out of loyalty if it does become a dangerous thing to do or if it's going to ruin your entire life. Remember: If he ever cared about you, he would not, while in his right mind, want to ruin your life and would rather you go on about your life.

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Dandelioness
Working with the MS counselor is a must. Yes, glad you researched. Because unfortunately, any brain injury or deterioration will affect different things depending the location, motor function, reason, temperament.

 

So you need to stay on top of it and be sure he has brain scans every so often and talk to the doctors about what to expect as this thing affects his brain. And do not stay out of loyalty if it does become a dangerous thing to do or if it's going to ruin your entire life. Remember: If he ever cared about you, he would not, while in his right mind, want to ruin your life and would rather you go on about your life.

 

This is the hard part. After all the denial, gaslighting, poetry, etc, he becomes quite emotional when I bring up a concern. He takes it as a personal attack and is so wounded by it. Is it MS related or is he manipulating me? We have 2 wonderful children so leaving him now is not an option.. emotionally, financially, and even geographically. I'm trying to find an inner peace so we can move forward but not if he's 'just' being a jerk.

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Dandelioness

I guess I'm just wondering, can a lesion in parts of a brain affect his self awareness and judgment? For example, apart from the topics I've already mentioned, he does other things I question. Recently he put our toddler in the bath tub (baby bin with roughly 4 inches of water in it) and left to vacuum his room (dog made a mess). His room is several steps away and the bathroom door was open so he didn't think it was a problem. I think it's a risk. He also put our infant on the couch and walked away for a moment. She is 8weeks old and knows how to lift her legs and swing them sideways.

 

So, is the lack of respect for me when ogling women's privates (in front of me) really because he doesn't know how obvious he is? We all notice attractive and sexy people but are more discrete about it. Is it possible he just isnt capable of being more discrete?

Edited by Dandelioness
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My ex has MS and I have known other people with MS. I don't think the MS is responsible for his behavior. Please don't leave your baby with this man again.

 

Thank you.

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Dandelioness
I would try to avoid labeling someone with MS. That just seems so unfair.

 

I'm not labelling him. The title is about "characteristics" of a possible personality disorder. I'm just looking at options that relate to MS so im not personalizing if it's not a personal issue.

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My ex has MS and I have known other people with MS. I don't think the MS is responsible for his behavior. Please don't leave your baby with this man again.

 

Thank you.

 

I am referring to my exH not my exMM

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This is the hard part. After all the denial, gaslighting, poetry, etc, he becomes quite emotional when I bring up a concern. He takes it as a personal attack and is so wounded by it. Is it MS related or is he manipulating me? We have 2 wonderful children so leaving him now is not an option.. emotionally, financially, and even geographically. I'm trying to find an inner peace so we can move forward but not if he's 'just' being a jerk.

 

You need to talk to a neurologist about it once he has had brain scans. Find out what to expect. you've had two kids with him so you should know whether this behavior is completely out of character or not. but either way the truth is children should not be exposed to it if it is bad bad behavior.

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Dandelioness
You need to talk to a neurologist about it once he has had brain scans. Find out what to expect. you've had two kids with him so you should know whether this behavior is completely out of character or not. but either way the truth is children should not be exposed to it if it is bad bad behavior.

 

He has brain scans every year. I'm present at these appointments. He's not a helpful dr. He just talks about medication and physical symptoms. He was diagnosed when we first started dating. I didn't want to leave him over it. I do feel things have gotten harder but I dont know enough about how MS impacts his cognitive and social behaviours.

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I believe MS is something that attacks a persons nervous system... I've known several people in fact with MS and to my knowledge I never notice an extreme change in their behavior.

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Dandelioness
I believe MS is something that attacks a persons nervous system... I've known several people in fact with MS and to my knowledge I never notice an extreme change in their behavior.

 

Yes but lesions develop throughout the brain..

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loversquarrel
I believe MS is something that attacks a persons nervous system... I've known several people in fact with MS and to my knowledge I never notice an extreme change in their behavior.

 

The brain is the main part of the nervous system and it develops lesions caused by MS.

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He has brain scans every year. I'm present at these appointments. He's not a helpful dr. He just talks about medication and physical symptoms. He was diagnosed when we first started dating. I didn't want to leave him over it. I do feel things have gotten harder but I dont know enough about how MS impacts his cognitive and social behaviours.

 

If you ask his doctor specifically about these conditions he will explain them to you and whether MS is the culprit or not. Talk to his doctors. If he was this way when you first started dating him, why would you have 2 kids by him?

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Any doc can give a brain scan. Only a neurologist will be qualified to tell you what the areas of the brain are and what it will mean. You could easily have the last brain scan sent to a neurologist and have him consult with you after looking it over.

 

Bottom line, though, if his behavior becomes abusive, you need to get you and the kids away from it. Whether he can help it or not. That's what my friend had to do. She couldn't have that in the house.

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Dandelioness
Any doc can give a brain scan. Only a neurologist will be qualified to tell you what the areas of the brain are and what it will mean. You could easily have the last brain scan sent to a neurologist and have him consult with you after looking it over.

 

Bottom line, though, if his behavior becomes abusive, you need to get you and the kids away from it. Whether he can help it or not. That's what my friend had to do. She couldn't have that in the house.

 

We see 'the' neurologist in our area.

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He should be more forthcoming about explaining how his behavior might be affected depending on the changes. You should ask him that since he's not volunteering that. I have found that doctors assume you won't understand anything anyway, so they skip all that stuff unless you ask and show them that you know the basics. Just ask, "What part of his brain is affected and what does that part of the brain control, so how will it affect him?"

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MS lesions do not tend to correlate well with the clinical picture. People can have big or plentiful lesions with little apparent disability whereas others have major disability with small or sparse lesions. The problem being that the MRI scan is not good enough. It is getting better but it is still a fairly gross assessment of a very complex and individual disease.

 

I very much doubt any doctor can ascribe his personality traits to any brain lesions he may have.

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