Husband Loud When I Sleep

[Youngestdaughter]

I know this might not sound like a real problem. But it is. My sweet husband of 14 years behaves as if I am brain dead when I'm sleeping. He's a truck driver and up at 3 or 4 am. It's always been irksome but this morning, he and Duchess, our dog were chasing a mouse. He was using a flashlight. The noise woke me up. I got up and slammed the bedroom door.

 

He came in there to check on me and explain what he was doing and kiss me goodbye. Sweet, yeah, except the conversation only woke me up beyond going back to sleep. Oh, and the flashlight was still on! And sleep has always come hard for me. I stayed up all night the first time I was six. He called to apologize. And I love him. I dont want to be cranky. But it's hard with no Sleep. He works 12 to 15 hours a day and I write from home so he can argue he's tired too.

 

Anyway, by the time he went to bed hurt and angry I took my exhaustion out on him and I feel guilty. But I had a noon deadline, and errands and cleaning that didn't get done. You know that kinda tired that you're too tired to do anything but too awake to go to sleep? Well, that's how my day was spent. So I get angry. Then he's sweet until he gets angry back, then I feel guilty. Maybe angers too strong a word.

 

I guess we both feel like we're not being considered. I told y'all it wouldn't sound like a real problem. But I'm so tired!

Edited April 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm going to ask the obvious question first, but have you asked him to please be quieter while you are sleeping?

[bathtub-row]

Most people have enough sense to know to be quiet when someone else is sleeping. Is he really so obtuse that he doesn’t know that? And what exactly was he upset and hurt about - that you need sleep, or that him disturbing you wasn’t ok? He sounds either immature or just plain dumb.

[Wallysbears]

My husband has the same sort of schedule (not a trucker...but he gets up at 3am)

 

What I've found helpful to make sure he doesn't cause too much noise that wakes my son is to take 5 minutes at night and lay out everything he needs. Boxers, jeans, socks, tshirt, sweatshirt, wallet..

 

He's a bit groggy at that hour waking up and it is dark...so rather than have him fumbling around in the dark making noise, it is just easier if I put it on the counter in the bathroom for him to get easily.

[JuneL]

My husband has the same sort of schedule (not a trucker...but he gets up at 3am)

 

What I've found helpful to make sure he doesn't cause too much noise that wakes my son is to take 5 minutes at night and lay out everything he needs. Boxers, jeans, socks, tshirt, sweatshirt, wallet..

 

He's a bit groggy at that hour waking up and it is dark...so rather than have him fumbling around in the dark making noise, it is just easier if I put it on the counter in the bathroom for him to get easily.

 

Just curious: Does his alarm at 3am not wake you up?

[Wallysbears]

It does. But then I can fall back asleep. More disruptive to my sleep was him fumbling around in the dark and waking our son up.

 

There's really no way around an alarm unless we were to sleep in separate rooms and that's not something we would want to do.

[JuneL]

It does. But then I can fall back asleep. More disruptive to my sleep was him fumbling around in the dark and waking our son up.

 

There's really no way around an alarm unless we were to sleep in separate rooms and that's not something we would want to do.

 

Perhaps using a wearable device (vibration alarm) may work?

[ChatroomHero]

Honestly the answer seems to be to sleep in different rooms. Aside from any stigma, I think that is a pretty good idea. I snore, toss and turn, kick covers...if I sleep in another room, it's not like it's a statement. I can still 'visit' whenever.

 

I think it's good to have time to unwind alone as well. If he needs to sleep early but you want to watch tv, or if he goes to bed first and then you come in later...when you have different schedules, sleeping in the same room will be problematic. Him making noise when he is up is normal too. I don't think it is disrespectful, but I could imagine if my partner went to bed at say 5pm every night and I had to tip toe around the house until I went to bed or when I got up in the morning, that is a bit stressful. If I had to do it every day, that would get old fast. If I had to take a shower, fix the toilet, do laundry, chase a mouse... but do all of that super quiet all the time because of schedules, there is a point to how quiet I can be doing routine things during the prime hours I am up and at home.

 

It really sounds like the answer is separate rooms. You can still get together but when it is time to sleep, have your own freedom. You say you don't want to do that, but you don't say why. I mean, if I have the ultimate solution to the problem but don't accept it because "I don't want to do that", then the situation that faces me is either accept the solution or accept him making noise and disrupting your sleep.

 

Since you are on different schedules, I don't think it is a matter of being disrespectful or inconsiderate. I think it would be odd for him to have to tip toe around his house during his awake hours all the time for the rest of his working life. Also, if he is not a morning person, making a lot of noise getting up to go to work won't change. I am not a morning person and it's like my head spins and it takes a while of being up for me to function. Anything I do will be loud, my brain isn't ready to function efficiently for a bit. I'd say try separate rooms 2 nights a week and see how it goes. I bet after a couple of weeks, you'll be happy with the results.

[Poutrew]

Noise cancelling headphones are your friend. I speak from experience. Bose QC phones are a bit pricey, but worth every penny...