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Is it domestic violence?


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Old 7th April 2019, 4:39 PM   #1
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Unhappy Is it domestic violence?

Hi its me again i know i have been asking too much but i'm evaluating some stiff that has been happening on my life and that have been intensified in the last months i just realized something and i don'0t think is it normal.


I have some defects and i recognize them i'm mostly lazy , very clumsy and i have the worst memory you can imagine but overall and this you can ask every person i know even my wife parents i'm the nicest person they ever met and even a little too innocent at times.

So i don't understand why my wife makes me feel like something is wrong with me every time she is around, is coming to the point i'm happy only when she is not around me, she always has been like this but since her recent, it got really worse if i forget something or i do something she doesn't like her words are always the same "this is not normal, you always are acting weird" and makes me feel like i'm some kind of mentally ill person when if i think about it most of that "weird acting" IS ME BEING ME i come from countryside so i see the world in a very different way than my wife who is a city girl.


Also something that bothers me a lot is that she doesn't have anny real hobbies (besides watching anime) a hobby she shares only with me so basically since she came out of college she hasn't made a single real friend so now that we migrated to another country, i'm her husband but also her bff and her source of entertainment as i can see, for example today Sunday i'm working on a presentation i must do tomorrow at the office, i work on a web development agency and tomorrow we have to show some sketches to a client, so when she comes home from her work she sees me on the computer, and thing goes as follows.

her- ¿Are you working?
me- Yes i have to get some sketches for a new website done by tomorrow
her- *mubles something* " another day at home i suppose" ¿why are the clothes still in the drawer? ¿why there are plates on the sink? ¿why you act like thiss?

you see she is mad at me because she wants to go out and she doesn't like to do it by herself i always have to be around for her she even gets mad when i go grocery shopping without her but sometimes i can't just come home pick her up and then go to the grocery store which is on my way home and its easier for me if i just buy stuff and get to home with it.

So i'n my mind I'm telling, "well she is here peaceful time is over" so i realized this is always i'm only at peace when she is not around, fgs i even get happy when i leave her on her job cause i get to be alone and not having someone constantly talking me down and winning is feels soo good!.

Then i remember is like when her father was home when i use to visit her when she was my gf everything was peace and happiness till the door ringed and her father screamed "i'm home" the mood changed instantly even when he came home happy everyone sas just waiting for him to burst over something he doesn't liked.

And i kew that man and he was an abuser no doubt so ¿migth my wife doing the same as her father?


Because at this point tension fear and sadness are the only feelings i feel when she is around, is getting dangerous for me tho.


Recently i have been having this need to just..... (this is difficult for me to admit me) but to hurt her just for her to leave me alone whe she is talking me down, i don't want to i never would put a finger on her but i feel like a cornered animal constantly being yelled and tell that everything i do and thing is wrong and that something is also wrong with me.

Also i'm constantly having this fantasies where i kill people not good people tho they are all bad on my fantasies but i kill them i shot them slit their throats and it makes me feel better but i just have them this when she is around.

I'm affraid i migth be losing my mind.

Last edited by rabsaque; 7th April 2019 at 4:43 PM..
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Old 7th April 2019, 5:00 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by rabsaque View Post
Recently i have been having this need to just..... (this is difficult for me to admit me) but to hurt her just for her to leave me alone whe she is talking me down, i don't want to i never would put a finger on her but i feel like a cornered animal constantly being yelled and tell that everything i do and thing is wrong and that something is also wrong with me.

Also i'm constantly having this fantasies where i kill people not good people tho they are all bad on my fantasies but i kill them i shot them slit their throats and it makes me feel better but i just have them this when she is around.
My friend, if you relationship with your wife is causing you to feel like a corner animal and fantasize that you would like to hurt people - then, it is time to get out. Take a break. Step away and get some help.

Is there somewhere you can go to relieve the pressure? Do you have a friend or family member with whom you can stay for a little while?

Please, seek help. Get yourself to the doctor or make an appointment with a counsellor. Call a domestic violence hotline or a mental health hotline. You need someone to talk to - to help you to calm your mind, put things in perspective, and decide how you want to proceed in the future.

It will be ok. But, you have to take steps to calm the situation and get yourself some help.
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Old 7th April 2019, 5:17 PM   #3
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My friend, if you relationship with your wife is causing you to feel like a corner animal and fantasize that you would like to hurt people - then, it is time to get out. Take a break. Step away and get some help.

Is there somewhere you can go to relieve the pressure? Do you have a friend or family member with whom you can stay for a little while?

Please, seek help. Get yourself to the doctor or make an appointment with a counsellor. Call a domestic violence hotline or a mental health hotline. You need someone to talk to - to help you to calm your mind, put things in perspective, and decide how you want to proceed in the future.

It will be ok. But, you have to take steps to calm the situation and get yourself some help.

Sadly in this country i have no one and i'm also worried about my unborn son i can't leave her alone.
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Old 8th April 2019, 1:10 AM   #4
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It sounds to me like you're a kind and patient man and you've reached the end of your tolerance with your rude, nagging wife. It also sounds like she may actually be the one with the problem and she's projecting it on to you. Regular verbal abuse is domestic violence, but difficult to pin down the perpetrator because most people who engage in this type of behaviour towards other family members also lie about it and paint their accuser as the one with the problem. Basically it's bullying, and will make you nervous and distracted so that you make mistakes, (and then the bully starts criticising!) No wonder you feel like you're going to lose control in this stressful environment. There's also the various health issues that can arise from unrelenting stress.
It sounds like you'd like to get away from her permanently. The only thing I can suggest is that when she starts you need to allow yourself to feel justified anger and have a good go back at her. Tell her to shut up and keep her opinions to herself, tell her how unpleasant she is to be around, etc. Point out that she will soon have a child to care for and you hope she doesn't treat your son with the same contempt that she has for you.
A shame that a child is on the way as I don't see your marriage lasting.
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Old 15th April 2019, 1:35 PM   #5
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Ensuring everyone's physical safety is the first priority, then work on emotional safety and mental health right after that.
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